I’m restless and unfocused right now, and it’s driving me bonkers. I have had some very productive weeks, and then others that have been a whole lot of nothing. Is it the end of semester blahs? Some work and personal challenges? Trying to keep track of all the minutiae that make up my days? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I am completely overwhelmed by digital file overload. I have no idea how other researchers keep up with the literature in their fields without losing their minds. (Any other academics care to weigh in???) Part of the problem is that I don’t study just one thing – there are many concepts that feed into my program of research. But my goodness. I have thousands of PDFs in my Dropbox. THOUSANDS. I have hundreds more from the past year that I need to review, to determine if they are keepers. I have others that I need for very specific projects or manuscripts. And I haven’t even mentioned the ridiculous number of drafts that I keep because I ‘might need them’. (Never mind that I rarely – if ever – use them.)

My personal files and emails are even worse. I haven’t cleaned out photos in forever and I’m drowning in screenshots. My Gmail has >10000 emails. I hesitate to delete emails because I do go back to them – see, for example, my search earlier this week for the work “wellness incentive” email from last year.

How do you all do it? Are you ruthless about deleting emails that are just regular emails? I email my parents (BOTH of them) every single day. I try to label the ones that have something in them I’d like to keep – an old photo, or a particularly sweet note from one of them – but I don’t get to all of them. Do you delete old drafts (if you are someone who drafts documents for work or home, like I do)?

Any recommendations for methods to tame the madness – particularly in my personal files – would be more than welcome. I am getting a start on deleting random screenshots that I have had for years and never looked at again. If I haven’t opened it since 2013, then it might not be important, is all I’m saying.

And I will leave you with two snapshots of my weekend adventure with Engie. We nerded out together. I am amazed at the random things we have on our campus. Behold: dinosaur, um, poop and a slide rule. (I actually figured out how to use it after reading the directions! Do I understand why it works? Heck no, but I was able to do it! Small victories, people…)

Here’s to a more organized future…maybe? (Seriously, help?)

(I looked for a quote to end this post – I do love to do that – but got overwhelmed [ha…] trying to pick one. If you have any words of wisdom to share, I will take them, thank you. <3)

Drifting back into the blogosphere with a Six for Saturday (although it may be Sunday before I get this finished, edited and posted…). But first, I have to say how much I appreciate you. Yes, you. If you’re here reading, if you’ve read in the past, if you’ve never wandered by my blog before. You have been my lifeline these past 2 months. Your blogs have made me laugh, have reminded me that my life is just one of many. You’ve helped me remember that things that seem Big And Scary often are absorbed into our lives and, eventually, become part of its fabric. My book list has grown tremendously (you all read so many good books!), and my need to travel has been reawakened thanks to all of you sharing your trips near and far.

In short, you’ve kept me engaged with Life with a capital “L”, and I am forever grateful.

(1) I haven’t shared any details of what transpired two months ago now, but I’ll just say that it was a major health issue, that at least part of it was my fault, and that things have significantly improved in the last 6 weeks. It has not been easy, but the care that I received, the treatment plan I am following, and the changes I have made in my life mean that I have more energy and interest in life than I’ve had in a long time. I still have about 6 months, probably, before I can put this mostly behind me. But the end is in sight, and to say that I’m doing much better than I was in early February is a huge (HUGE) understatement.

(2) My perspective on many things has changed – sleep, exercise, taking time away from work (and spending it with others)… I’ve deepened my connection with family, with virtual and IRL friends (and some who are both). I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time reading. I have planned two trips (TWO) for this summer. These are all good things. Really good things. I feel like I am waking up after being asleep for about a year. I didn’t realize how bad things had become until I was literally stopped in my tracks.

(3) And now? Well, now I am feeling the call of spring. The need to clean out. To get rid of things that are not (sigghhh) “bringing me joy”. I get a daily email from Flying Edna (a small, two person art and poetry shop that I have written about before) and today’s quote (they’re quoting women as it’s women’s history month) was from none other than Marie Kondo: “Keep only those things that speak to your heart. Then take the plunge and discard all the rest.”

(4) But I have to say that it’s not just my closet and my bookshelves that are being cleaned out. I’m starting to wonder if I’m in the beginning twinges of a midlife crisis. Or something. I have been here for eight years now – an eternity in my adult life! I have only worked at one other place as long as I’ve worked where I am now. I left that job and jumped to one I should NEVER have taken. Never ever. So while my feet and my brain are getting a bit antsy, I’m also reluctant to change anything given that previous experience. I’m also not sure what I want, which is… surprising. I love (well, have loved) what I do. Am I getting itchy feet because I am feeling stuck? I have a ton of manuscripts that need to be submitted for publication, which is always anxiety-producing. Is that what is making me feel this way? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am starting to think about other options, other lines of research, and maybe even other careers. I might as well explore, right? (While yes, getting those manuscripts finished and submitted and, universe willing, accepted…)

(5) That, of course, begs the fun question of Where Would I Live if I Could Live Anywhere? (Note: this is not possible, given my “skillset”, but it’s fun to dream…) I would love to live in Europe, but the whole ‘job’ thing is a challenge. Not that there aren’t universities in Europe – but that those universities don’t usually hire people like me. In the states? I’d head West, almost certainly. I spent some time in Seattle earlier this month, and was reminded of how much I love that city and area of the country. Again, though, that pesky job thing (and the cost of living…). California and Oregon (well, western Oregon) are on my list, too. I am afraid that given the current challenges in higher ed, I’ve missed my chance, at least for a few years. This is all just speculation at this point, but I know I’ll be moving eventually so it’s not a bad thing to consider where that might be.

(6) Finally, I am getting back to my actual life. I’m working again – nearly back to what I was doing before things went off the rails. I am planning for summer and trips and work. I am looking forward to an unexpected but SO fun blogger meet up in June, and maybe another one in August if all works out. I’m back to grumbling about the Parking Situation at work (here’s hoping next year’s lottery is more favorable to me and to Sarah…) and griping with my coworkers about the interminable Friday afternoon meetings. Getting back to normal also means that I am doomscrolling more than I should be, and fretting about the state of the world, and worrying about my friends who are at risk of losing their jobs, and… yeah, all of that. I’m doing that, too.

I hope you are having a good weekend, wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Know that I am thinking of all of you – seriously, ALL of you – and I’m grateful to have you in my life. <3