Words and phrases about noticing, about paying attention, have seeped into my life this summer. Another nudge from the universe? Quite likely.
The first time, it was the phrase, “What you focus on increases”. The quote is from a book, The Noticer, which was selected for a summer book club run by the American Nurses Association. I chose not to take part, and now I am regretting it, given the number of posts I saw that highlight the quote and some other takeaways from the book. (Has anyone read it? I trust all of your opinions more than I do those of random nurses on a list serv…)
Then, Nicole made a comment on one of my posts, “what we focus on is what we see more of”.
And finally, not one but two Substack posts that alluded to the same idea. The first was from fia skye, who writes beautiful words at the flying edna substack, and the second was from the Begin in Wonder substack. Both of these substacks bring great joy to my life.
Fia wrote about her tendency to notice things that she perceives as wrong, or that make her mad, and how her partner (kai skye, an artist whose art and writing also speak to my heart) pointed out that you can spend your life focusing on the bad, or you can look up and see the beauty in the world.
Elliott, who writes at Begin in Wonder, had the following quote in one of his posts:
Carrie Newcomer wrote, “Our culture reasons that because we fell there is not enough time, we should increase our pace, multitask, and fit more into our already overbooked days. But even though it is counterintuitive to popular wisdom, perhaps the more effective response to the limits of time is to live more fully in the moment, to savor it and expand it.” (Note: I just looked up Carrie Newcomer, having never heard of her before this quote, so I do not know the specific source for this quote. When and if I find it, I will correct the link, and if someone knows, please educate me!)
This is going to sound tremendously selfish, and it’s such a first-world problem. But, other than my time on vacation, I haven’t always focused on what matters most to me. Like everyone, I deal with outside situations, events, challenges, which intrude on my ability to choose what I do. Sometimes this is just the way life is. Do I WANT to review the 96 page meeting agenda? No. But I was elected to the committee, so I will review that agenda. Perhaps with an eye roll or two. 😉
But other times, it’s my choice. I focus on what I “should be” doing for others, not on what I need or want to do for myself. I need to balance that out, because not doing so just leads to resentment on my part. It absolutely sounds selfish, but the alternative is to feel as though I have no control, and, that’s not working for me either.
I’ve been trying to do this for a few weeks, now, and I’ve had some success and a lot of failure. Like many, I am prone to saying “yes” too much. (I need Elisabeth to give me a few lessons in saying no!) I take on obligations and responsibilities because they sound interesting, not necessarily because they are the best way for me to spend my time. Often, my answer is a default “yes”, instead of a “is saying yes to this saying no to something I really need and want to do?”
I read Four Thousand Weeks a few months ago and loved it, and then promptly managed to forget its lessons. (Sigh.) I started Essentialism, and haven’t finished it. Are you seeing a pattern here? I am.
Going forward, I am trying to figure out to achieve a better balance. Small things make a difference – at least in my work life. I am trying very hard not to reply to emails as soon as they come in. If someone needs me, they can text or Teams me. In my personal life? Trying to not get sucked into the news. Remembering that spending time on things I really want to do – reading, reading blogs, taking walks – isn’t a bad thing. Trying to pare down my obligations to focus on what matters most.
As always, a few quotes that have reflected my thinking recently:
“Productivity is most important for things you don’t want to be doing. Most people want to increase productivity so they can spend less time on the task. But before you worry about being more productive, think about being more selective. Rather than focusing on increasing productivity, it may be worth asking, “What would I be delighted to spend time on, even if it went slowly?” Direct your energy toward figuring out how to start what you want to do rather than thinking about how to shorten what you don’t want to do.” James Clear
We’ve been seduced into believing that we must “stay current” and “keep up with the times.” In a time of great social and political upheaval, information feels very urgent—even though the true emergency is lacking the space to think properly. ~ Ozan Varol
I hope you have the space to think. And if not – if you’re facing challenges and situations beyond your control, demanding your attention and your time – I hope that those resolve sooner rather than later, and let you get back to focusing on what matters most. Go well into the close-to-the-end of this week, my friends.
