I’m not quite ready to be back in this space, but wanted to let you all know that I am still reading your posts and hope to engage more soon. I miss you all. To those who are participating in NaBloPoMo, I am cheering you on. (And please don’t worry when you read this post – I promise, I’m fine.)
Noticing
Words and phrases about noticing, about paying attention, have seeped into my life this summer. Another nudge from the universe? Quite likely.
The first time, it was the phrase, “What you focus on increases”. The quote is from a book, The Noticer, which was selected for a summer book club run by the American Nurses Association. I chose not to take part, and now I am regretting it, given the number of posts I saw that highlight the quote and some other takeaways from the book. (Has anyone read it? I trust all of your opinions more than I do those of random nurses on a list serv…)
Then, Nicole made a comment on one of my posts, “what we focus on is what we see more of”.
And finally, not one but two Substack posts that alluded to the same idea. The first was from fia skye, who writes beautiful words at the flying edna substack, and the second was from the Begin in Wonder substack. Both of these substacks bring great joy to my life.
Fia wrote about her tendency to notice things that she perceives as wrong, or that make her mad, and how her partner (kai skye, an artist whose art and writing also speak to my heart) pointed out that you can spend your life focusing on the bad, or you can look up and see the beauty in the world.
Elliott, who writes at Begin in Wonder, had the following quote in one of his posts:
Carrie Newcomer wrote, “Our culture reasons that because we fell there is not enough time, we should increase our pace, multitask, and fit more into our already overbooked days. But even though it is counterintuitive to popular wisdom, perhaps the more effective response to the limits of time is to live more fully in the moment, to savor it and expand it.” (Note: I just looked up Carrie Newcomer, having never heard of her before this quote, so I do not know the specific source for this quote. When and if I find it, I will correct the link, and if someone knows, please educate me!)
This is going to sound tremendously selfish, and it’s such a first-world problem. But, other than my time on vacation, I haven’t always focused on what matters most to me. Like everyone, I deal with outside situations, events, challenges, which intrude on my ability to choose what I do. Sometimes this is just the way life is. Do I WANT to review the 96 page meeting agenda? No. But I was elected to the committee, so I will review that agenda. Perhaps with an eye roll or two. 😉
But other times, it’s my choice. I focus on what I “should be” doing for others, not on what I need or want to do for myself. I need to balance that out, because not doing so just leads to resentment on my part. It absolutely sounds selfish, but the alternative is to feel as though I have no control, and, that’s not working for me either.
I’ve been trying to do this for a few weeks, now, and I’ve had some success and a lot of failure. Like many, I am prone to saying “yes” too much. (I need Elisabeth to give me a few lessons in saying no!) I take on obligations and responsibilities because they sound interesting, not necessarily because they are the best way for me to spend my time. Often, my answer is a default “yes”, instead of a “is saying yes to this saying no to something I really need and want to do?”
I read Four Thousand Weeks a few months ago and loved it, and then promptly managed to forget its lessons. (Sigh.) I started Essentialism, and haven’t finished it. Are you seeing a pattern here? I am.
Going forward, I am trying to figure out to achieve a better balance. Small things make a difference – at least in my work life. I am trying very hard not to reply to emails as soon as they come in. If someone needs me, they can text or Teams me. In my personal life? Trying to not get sucked into the news. Remembering that spending time on things I really want to do – reading, reading blogs, taking walks – isn’t a bad thing. Trying to pare down my obligations to focus on what matters most.
As always, a few quotes that have reflected my thinking recently:
“Productivity is most important for things you don’t want to be doing. Most people want to increase productivity so they can spend less time on the task. But before you worry about being more productive, think about being more selective. Rather than focusing on increasing productivity, it may be worth asking, “What would I be delighted to spend time on, even if it went slowly?” Direct your energy toward figuring out how to start what you want to do rather than thinking about how to shorten what you don’t want to do.” James Clear
We’ve been seduced into believing that we must “stay current” and “keep up with the times.” In a time of great social and political upheaval, information feels very urgent—even though the true emergency is lacking the space to think properly. ~ Ozan Varol
I hope you have the space to think. And if not – if you’re facing challenges and situations beyond your control, demanding your attention and your time – I hope that those resolve sooner rather than later, and let you get back to focusing on what matters most. Go well into the close-to-the-end of this week, my friends.
Michigan Trip Day 2
Updated Sept 9 to add…photos!
Tuesday – on to Grand Rapids! I wanted to see the Meijer Gardens and Sculpture Park and there happened to be a FLW house nearby that was offering tours the day I planned to be there. But first, I had to get there. The weather tried to thwart me – again. I decided to drive up through South Haven, but on the way had to pull off the highway to wait out another terrifying storm. At one point, I literally could not see in front of the car, and there was standing water. On the highway. After about 30 minutes in a gas station parking lot, I headed out again.
Once I got there, South Haven was as lovely as advertised.
I made the most of my 30 minutes and walked down to the beach, then left to head to Grand Rapids. I wished I had more time to explore South Haven, but I had a reservation at the Meyer May house. This was one of the best stops of the trip. The house is amazing, and if you are at all interested in Frank Lloyd Wright (ahem, Birchie) or architecture or historic houses, I highly recommend it if you are ever in the area. The tour was free, and led by very passionate volunteers. It was so much fun to listen to them.
The tour starts with a video on the house’s history and its renovation in the 1980s. It’s apparently one of the best restoration jobs of any FLW house, paid for by the Steelcase company. The Steelcase company built a Wright-designed desk (that you can still buy!) for the office building that Wright designed for the SC Johnson Company in Racine, WI, which Engie and Birchie toured back in June. Got that? Steelcase paid for the restoration of the Meyer May house after it fell into disrepair. Although they have never disclosed the costs (and they pay to maintain it, even now), you get a sense of just how much time, energy, and passion went into the restoration from the introductory video. It’s the kind of thing I love – the story behind. It did not hurt that the video was filmed in the mid-80s, so the glasses, hair, and clothes all just added to the vibe.🙂 So many artisans worked to uncover original elements of the house that had been lost to time. They meticulously repaired what they could (which was more than I anticipated), and carefully reproduced what they could not restore. The care, love, and time that went into this was astonishing.
The tour was wonderful – thanks to Darcie, our tour guide. She loved sharing all the minutiae about the house and the story of the May family. It was commissioned by Meyer May, a Jewish businessman in GR. He and his wife built the house and lived there with their two kids and then… she died in the Spanish flu epidemic. Mr. May and his two children stayed in the house and were eventually joined by Mr. May’s 2nd wife and her two children. At that time, they expanded the house to accommodate the additional kids, an expansion that was reversed during the renovations.
They bought the lot in the Heritage Hill Historic District, a neighborhood with homes that are very, very different from the May house. It stands out, but not in a bad way. It is a double lot – more room for the gardens – and one of the things I liked about it that you don’t get at Taliesin or at Falling Water is that it’s literally in the middle of the neighborhood. There are good things about this, but there are some drawbacks. One is the house next door that has fallen into disrepair. They have compensated by putting up a wall between the properties, but it is still visible.
The house itself is stunning. The ways in which FLW worked with the family – and in some ways, against the family’s preferences to get what HE wanted instead – were impressive. (The story of the primary bedroom beds is hilarious and worth the tour.) I loved that the house was designed for a man who was short even for his time, making the house just my size! This house felt like one I could live in very comfortably. Not like most places, where the top shelf is not a storage option.
In short, it was a lovely, lovely house, with a fantastic tour led by highly enthusiastic docents. 10/10 would recommend. Then I headed off to the Meijer Gardens and Sculpture Park. I was really looking forward to seeing them, and figured that August would be perfect timing. Unfortunately, they did not live up to my expectations. It wasn’t the gardens themselves – it was the weather, which was cold, windy, and drizzly. Not to mention, I hadn’t planned well and only had a few hours. I wish I had planned better, picked a day with better weather, stayed longer, and maybe gone with a friend. I suspect I’ll be back at some point and I hope to see more.
Despite the chill and damp, the gardens really were lovely – very, very green, not very crowded, and I did get to see some of the sculptures that I really wanted to see (Mad Mom and Neuron, among others).
It was beautiful, but it was also about 65 degrees, windy, and still misting, and I was turning purple. So, I headed in to the interior exhibits, where I warmed up in the tropical conservatory (heat! humidity! bliss!) and the greenhouses for the carnivorous plants (they get their own, ha) and desert plants (heat! dry heat! bliss!), then visited some of the rotating exhibits. They were kind of fascinating, with an underlying theme of environmental catastrophes. Not uplifting, but fascinating. One used insects’ bodies to make art, as well as make the point that many insect species have already gone extinct as a result of climate change, and the other was composed of wall-mounted sculptures made entirely of soda and beer and other cans that the artist retrieved from trash and the streets. Until you got close – in both exhibits – you had no idea what was used to create the art.
I visited some of the Chihuly sculptures (when I get back to Washington state, the Museum of Glass is very high on my list), then decided to get lunch there. They had great vegetarian options in the “cafeteria”, so I went with that. I sat, read my book on my phone, and (again) people watched. I was inside, warm, and wound up with some leftovers to work into my dinner later.
Then I hit the road for Holland. All I have to say is, wow. Michigan drivers rival those in Illinois and the 95 corridor out east for Scariest Highway Drivers Ever. Holy moley. I was terrified most of the way, which of course makes me drive 10 miles below the speed limit, which then ticks off the other drivers, who zip around me even faster.
I arrived in Holland mid-afternoon, checked into my hotel, then headed into town. It was another cute beach town. I’m more into the beaches and water and (where I can find it) solitude and quite, though, so I went out to the state beach (thanks to my non-resident Michigan state parks pass!) and walked out onto the breakwater. It was gorgeous, didn’t have many people braving the walk out, and gave an unobstructed view of the lake as far as the eye could see. *happy sigh*.
After walking back, it was time for ice cream for pre-dinner (sensing a theme?). I found Whit’s Custard after a brief check of Google Maps and learned that I could get peanut butter as a mix-in. Pardon me for a brief moment here, but… WHY doesn’t the Midwest have vanilla peanut butter ripple ice cream? It’s all chocolate PB, or chocolate chocolate PB cup, or they throw peanuts in, or caramel, or pretzels… I like my simple vanilla/PB combination, so please, if anyone knows of any in Wisconsin or surrounding states (I’m willing to travel!) please let me know.
I thoroughly enjoyed my vanilla ice cream with peanut butter, wandered the streets a bit and people watched, then went back to the hotel for dinner, shower, and bed. The next day would be a long driving day from Holland to Traverse City, and I hoped to make it to Sleeping Bear Dunes National Park along the way.
Michigan Trip Day 1
Well, this recap of my trip is taking much longer than anticipated. I should have taken a page from Birchie and drafted it while traveling. Live and learn. So, today you are getting day 1. It was one of the more eventful days, with a lot of driving and activity, so I suspect (and you probably hope) that the other recaps will be shorter.
Monday, early early morning. I was so fried from my summer nuttiness that I had to force myself out of my apartment. But I managed it, and, as planned, hit the road by 0400. That’s when I typically start my workdays, so this was not out of the ordinary. The early start was designed to get me through Chicago with minimal difficulty, as rush hour was starting when I got near the city. I made it through with a few slow stretches (yay for summer construction season, sigh) and made it to my first stop – what I thought was Indiana Dunes National Park.
It was 0730, and I was ready to get out of the car and walk around.
It was not the National Park. It was the State Park. The State Park in the middle of the National Park. I paid the $7 to drive in to the State Park, though, and I was glad I did. It gave me some of the best pics of the trip:
After about 15 minutes, the wind and clouds got a bit scary, so I made my way to the National Park Visitor’s Center. That’s where I met Dave, who gave me tips on where to go with not much time, and also sweet talked me into buying a National Parks annual pass. Then I faced the conundrum of getting back to my car. The clouds had turned into a raging summer storm. Thunder, lightning, rain bouncing off the pavement… I finally dashed through the raindrops as they started to slow down, and made it to my car damp but ready to get on with it.
Here is where the story could have really gone off the rails. I drove up Lake Shore Dr. – Dave’s recommendation – to see the Century of Progress Homes from the Chicago World’s Fair.
This might not have been the best choice right after a storm. The road, adjacent to the beach, dipped down into several low-lying areas, which had accumulated some standing water. We all know not to drive through standing water, but the cars in front of me seemed to do just fine. I figured I’d be okay too.
It was a near thing, friends. I had to drive on the very edge of the road and floor the Prius. Yes, I have a Prius – a car with very low clearance, as I am reminded every time I pull into a lot with an uneven entrance. The “other cars” were SUVs. So then I worried that I’d killed my car, and stressed out until it started up again (happily, without doing anything untoward) after my next stop.
WHEW.
Meanwhile, the Century Homes were so cool! I was driving, though, which makes it difficult to gawk (they are private residences!). I did pause to get a few pictures:
I drove on to a parking area along the beach, a bit up the road. It was deserted save for two people picking up plastic and bottles and cigarettes and why are people so gross?
But oh, the beach, the lake… they were breathtaking. Lakes are so different from the ocean. I grew up visiting the Jersey Shore, with a few ill-fated trips to Virginia beaches, and later, the Outer Banks. The lapping of the waves is so different from the roar of the breakers. I love it just as much, just in a different way. I just soaked it in. Fortunately, I was not simultaneously getting soaked – the storm had moved on and it was now cloudy and cool and breezy and perfect.
I headed a bit further north to Mount Baldy and decided to do the trail that went around the side of the dune, then down to the lake. Mount Baldy is a moving dune. It’s not covered in dune grass and other plantings, so the sand blows and, over time, the dune moves. It is quite high – 126 feet, per Wikipedia, although since it’s so dynamic it seems as though the height should shift somewhat over time. Regardless, I figured I was in for a bit of an uphill.
I started the trail without mosquito repellent (dumb) but at the same time as a family with 3 small kiddos, probably 2, 4, and 6. It was a whiny trip along the trail. 🙂 The kids were not keen on getting their feet (in crocs) dirty. The mom was “hiking” in gold flip flops. The dad seemed to want to ignore them all. I just tried to keep moving, thankful that the only whining I had to deal with was my own. I did feel for the parents, though, and hoped that things would improve for them when they made it to the beach.
I emerged from the woods and found myself at the top of Mount Baldy, with an unobstructed view of the lake stretching as far as the eye could see. It was magical. I slowly made my way down to the beach and away from everyone else and…. again, magic. I can’t quite put it into words, but the sound of the waves, the sun emerging from behind the clouds, the endless horizon… I could feel my shoulders relax.
Once I’d soaked it all in, I went back down the trail (well, after climbing back UP to the trail) and headed in to Michigan City. I had planned to spend some time there but found it decidedly meh, so headed north again to my destination for the night – Benton Harbor.
When I arrived, Google Maps chose a road that did not give me the best first impression. It just seemed run down, and kind of bleak. I was a bit confused, given that the online reviews for BH were positive and many referred to repeat family visits. But I was hungry, and kind of crabby, so decided that was probably affecting my perspective. I found a great place for lunch – Schu’s Bar and Grill – in St. Joseph, which is contiguous with BH. I got a seat outside, enjoyed people watching and a bit of eavesdropping, and cobbled together an amazing lunch – a salad with avocado, bleu cheese, dried cherries and pecans, and a black bean patty. It was wonderful and definitely improved my mood!
While I was a bit concerned about the hotel location when I arrived (down a side road, past a Home Depot, and not near anything else), I had a very nice mini suite that was quiet, cool, and had everything I needed. I dropped my stuff off, then went out for ice cream. Because of course ice cream had to come before dinner – it was vacation! And that was when I finally found the BH that everyone online was raving about. Pedestrian-friendly streets with cute shops, including several ice cream options and lots of people happily wandering (and eating ice cream). I wound up getting Kilwin’s – not knowing it was a Big Chain, sorry Ernie – and got the peach and oh my goodness. I ate the whole darn thing and was perfectly happy.
And exhausted. Back to the hotel, after a spin through some (overly perfumed and crowded) shops, and to bed after a small dinner.
Day 2 will – I hope – show up pretty soon. I’ll try to intersperse some other posts to, um, hide my delays at getting this all recorded properly. Thanks for hanging in there if you’ve made it to the end!
Choosing a path
I’m working on the vacation recap, promise. It was a wonderful trip and it’s taking a bit of time to write up. So in the meantime, I’m sharing something that I thought about during my trip. This trip gave me long stretches of time to just…think. To let my mind wander – not think about work, or my to-do list, or anything like that. Just think.
I started thinking about the path my life has taken, really thinking about it. Have you done this? Have you looked back at your path, at the choices you made, and wondered, “What if…?” What if I hadn’t become a nurse? What if I hadn’t gotten married? Or divorced? What if I had never left my previous job?
I usually frame these choices as “choices that I regret”, the implication being that the choice I didn’t make would have been a better one than the one I did make. I say this despite knowing that I love the life I have. This life is a good one. So why regret the choices I made based on what was best for my life at the time? And what about paths that are chosen for us? By a partner’s job. By an unexpected loss. By forces outside our control? The company goes out of business. You get fired. Your rent goes up 100%. Choices that aren’t really choices.
Yet I tend to think that my life path has been the result of the choices I have made. That I’ve had complete agency over that path and where I am now.
The reason this is coming up again, a few weeks after my trip, is that I’m listening to The Midnight Library. I’ll be honest – I almost DNF’d at 5%. I was overwhelmed by the first few chapters. I remembered several of you read it and there were mixed reviews. So I persevered. I am glad I did – it’s the right book at the right time for me. The theme of paths and choices and lives really aligns with what I pondered on my trip. Vacations – if they are good ones, of course – are often a snapshot of an ideal life. But then you come back to real life, and the memories fade, and the joy becomes a memory.
But what if I could shift the path that I am on – the one involving work, and responsibilities, and everything else, to be more like the path that fills me up in my short breaks? It may not lead to another life. But it may lead to a better one. Something to think about…
Several quotes about this came to my attention recently, from a motley bunch of authors…
“It’s about centering on your intention, not conforming to others’ expectations. In the end, the world doesn’t need you to regurgitate someone else’s story. It needs your own epic tale, with all its unique quirks and insights. It’s not just about choosing the path less traveled. It’s about choosing your path. And that makes all the difference.” ~ Ozan Varol
“Life meanders like a path through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall from us, revealing our bare bones. Given time, they grow again.” ~Katherine May, Wintering
“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” ~Ursula K. LeGuin
This post feels a bit unfinished. I feel like I should have some big conclusion, some big Life Lesson. But maybe the ambiguity is kind of the point. My life (thank goodness) is moving forward. If I really believe that I have agency over where it goes from here, what I do I do with that? What choices do I make to shift my life to one that fills me up, that brings me joy, that leads me where I want to go? (I have to think that connecting with all of you is one big choice I’ve made recently that has made my life so much brighter, so thank you for that. <3)
What about you? Do you think about your life path? About the other paths that could have been?