Crack in my heart…

Oh, just when I think I have it all together. Just when I’m feeling good about where I am, about what I am doing, how I am doing it, and with whom I am doing it, life throws a curveball.

We had to say goodbye to our sweet Simon puppy on Monday morning.

It was one of the hardest and most loving things I have ever had to do.

I can tell myself that it was time, he was in pain, it was the right choice, and the loving thing to do.

But oh, it still hurts.

And it hurts even more because I feel  like I just took it for granted that he would always be there. A connection between me and my husband, even when we drifted apart from time to time. There were always Simon stories. Pictures of him sleeping on the couch. Pictures of him begging for a taste of pulled pork, or peanut butter, or just wanting a belly rub.

And now he’s not there. I hadn’t seen him as much the last few months – what with not traveling to see my husband as much (winter weather, schedules, other reasons…), and again, assuming that he’d be there when I could go.

This, plus a few other things going on, make me wonder how much I have taken for granted in my life

We get so set in our ways, we get so used to the status quo, the way things are, that we tend to think they’re never going to change. The dog will always be there, my parents will always be just a text or email away… and so on.

But of course that’s not true. I think we sometimes need this painful reminders that all of life is temporary, fleeting, that our current place in this world is not going to always be our place in this world.

And this reminder left a particularly gaping crack in my heart… one that will take some time to heal.

But perhaps in healing that Simon-sized hole… perhaps I can become more present in my everyday life, taking less for granted, and making sure I appreciate the ordinary everyday as it is now. Because it won’t be this way forever.

Oh, Simon, we loved you so much. You were really the perfect dog, from the minute we brought you home. Well, except for the time you ate the snickerdoodle cookies from the Amish bakery. And maybe when you chewed up your crate beds when you were trying to send us a message. You were steadfast, and loving, and just the best dog ever. We miss you.