I have a habit – not a bad on, per se, but a habit nonetheless – of seeking answers from others… books, websites, other (presumably wiser) people. And this weekend, it occurred to me that perhaps I need to ask myself … and seek the answers within.
I’m struggling with whether and how to bring up what, for me, is a BIG issue in a relationship. And I have spent the last…month? I think? …primarily worrying about what the other person thinks, finding out their perspective, their concerns, their needs and wants.
And yet… in all of that… I have never stopped to ask myself what *I* want. I haven’t asked myself the same questions that I want to ask this other person.
Without that information, how on earth can I decide what I want out of this relationship? Basing my knowledge and my actions solely on the (anticipated) reactions and responses of another means that I have completely removed myself from consideration.
I do this when I work, too. I spend so much time seeking out the answer, the one piece of information that is the key to making my hypothesis work. I have spent more time in the literature looking for a study that someone MUST have done… only to find that no, no one has done it, and that means that I can do it!
Is it a matter of trusting myself? Or is it simply that I am in the habit of deferring to others and putting my needs, wants and interests on the sidelines?
I think it might be time to change that. Not that my thoughts, desires, and wants are more important than those of the other person, but that they are equally important, particularly if I want to be an equal partner in this (and any other) relationship. Or if I want to make a difference in my work.
So it’s time to be quiet, to look inside myself for the answers. To seek direction from my own soul, my own wants and needs.
