That’s what the last week has felt like.
A week of changes, frustrations, annoyances, lots of peopling, and just an overwhelming sense of, well, too much.
I knew that reentry into real life was going to be hard. I knew that there were a lot of changes coming. I think I just had my head in the sand, thinking that things would just continue as they were, that I could just keep moving forward the way I have the last 18+ months.
Whoops. Talk about a miscalculation. Now that the changes – both those I have initiated, and those that have been, well, thrust upon me – are sweeping in, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and a lot underprepared. And like I said, it’s my own fault, for not wanting to see that this was going to happen – that it was inevitable – and that the best thing I could do would be to prepare. I don’t think I did. At least not to the extent that I should have.
It’s not that I am not embracing some of the changes – believe me, it was good to spend even a few hours in the office yesterday, even if most of that was spent wrestling with the printer (argh, why?). I got to see 2 of my favorite people – a bit of serendipity. (Sidenote: I was going to write “unexpected serendipity” but, well, isn’t ALL serendipity unexpected? After all, that’s kind of the point…)
And it reminded me that even if I didn’t prepare myself well, even if the changes kind of snuck up on me, well, the only thing I can do now is respond to them as best I can. Maybe I am not ready to fully embrace them – give me some time, here! – but I can at least recognize them for what they are, realize that I am unable to change many of them, and just, well, remain calm.
One thing I have been doing the last, oh, month or so was inspired by Kae, over at Grateful Kae. As you may have gleaned from the name, she brings in something to be grateful for, each and every day. I’ve been doing the same. Sometimes, my gratitude is for something really simple (usually food, if I’m being honest!). Other times, though, it surprises me how much I am grateful for, despite what seemed like a really off day. It is a good reminder that there is some good in every day, and that it’s probably a bit better to focus on that, not the endless cycle of frustration.
That Iām even here at all…is astonishing. Because it could just as easily have not been the case.
I am humbled by that.Ā I am humbled by the the absolute improbability that any of this is happening…
~Josh Radnor
Oh, I’m sorry you had such a rough week, Anne! But I really like the thought of finding something good in every day. It’s so important that we try to focus on what is good!
For my camera club, I organised a competition in the spring with the theme “Moments of joy”. It was on purpose that I chose this theme in the midst of chaos and misery (the worst Covid wave in Ireland so far) because I wanted to encourage people to LOOK for the good moments because they always exist, and life is better if you focus on what is positive. Some members didn’t really embrace that and I’m a bit sad about that.
Thanks for your kind words – I know it’s been a bit of a downer around this blog recently (when I have written) and I’m hoping to turn that around. Mindset is a lot of it, I agree. And looking for the small things every day. My mom and I were emailing and giving thanks for the miracle of air conditioning (probably not necessary where you live, but definitely helpful in the super-humid days of summer that we get here… even though it’s not quite as bad as other areas of the US, it’s still nice to have the option!). Another “small thing” that we take for granted that, when you stop to think about it, makes your life a lot more enjoyable.
Your camera club theme sounds wonderful to me! I wonder what those other members were thinking, though – didn’t they want to try to find joy amid the pain and the misery?
No, they didn’t… it was all misery. Hahaha. Sometimes I feel all alone with trying to keep positive and I’ve been pissed off with everyone who tried to bring me down during the spring. I could say “Aren’t we glad that (insert happy thing here)…” and people would come with BUTS all the time.. Now I’m the one with all misery but at least I will do the best of life anyway.
It does make you wonder why people are like that, though. Even in the midst of misery, there are usually a few bright spots. (For you, now, it seems to be your music…) But seriously, that’s just raining on someone’s parade for no good reason. No need to put that energy out into the universe, thanks!
Trying to focus on something good when the world seems overwhelming is a good coping mechanism. It doesn’t always work perfectly, but alleviates some of the frustration. I can only imagine how crazy changes and transition to old routines is and I think there’s always an adjustment period, however hard you think you might be able to prepare. Be extra kind to yourself right now.
Yes, I’m definitely still working on this, particularly since the world seems to be in particularly bad shape these last few weeks. Sigh. Fires, floods, wars, assaults on women’s rights, assaults on voting rights, creeping authoritarianism… I find that one thing I need to do – although, quite honestly, I stink at actually DOING it – is disconnecting from the news. I doom-scroll the NYT and Washington Post and that… does not help my state of mind. Any hints or helpful tips welcome, as always. I know you are passionate about many of the same things, but you do seem to have found a bit more balance than, well, me. š (At least, that’s how it comes across on your blog!)
I find my gratitude comes in “fits and starts.”
I try not to force it these days; sometimes that just makes me feel worse? I let myself lament (I like that concept better than complaining though…really…I am complaining sometimes) and wallow when I need to. But I think I’ve learned to be more open to gratitude. Learning to see things from various angles and, this is key, trying to look for perspective.
Almost anytime life gets off-kilter it’s because I’ve lost perspective. Burning the risotto is not a catastrophe in the grand scheme of things. Having a child come home sick from school when I have a presentation is not the end of the world! Sometimes this works…and then other times, not so much! And I try to gently nudge myself toward cultivating an atmosphere of gratitude without feeling forced, if that makes sense?
I have really backed off on my media consumption. I found the news was becoming overwhelming; so much division and negativity and just tragedy after tragedy. I now only access news a few times a week, but I do find doing it with this frequency really helps with perspective. I don’t get overwhelmed in the same way because I’m consuming A LOT less content, but when I see what so many other are facing a few times a week, it helps me reset my perspective which can really make a big difference in my mental health.
I love this idea of not forcing gratitude, and trying to meet each day as it comes. You’re absolutely right that perspective makes all the difference in the world. My usual refrain is “No one died”, which sounds awful but helps me regain perspective when, for example, I drop the nearly-full 2-pound (glass) jar of peanut butter and it shatters everywhere. That required some deep breathing (and a lot of cleanup, sigh) but really, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not the end of the world. Just the end of that jar of PB. š
That said, wallowing is absolutely a valid response to frustrating / galling / annoying situations. A good wallow can make a world of difference some days. (Ice cream also helps, just fyi…)
I keep thinking I need to back off my addiction to the news. It’s more that for me than anything like Instagram. I don’t even log into Facebook that much anymore – maybe twice a year? But the news…oof. I pick and choose my sources but even so, it’s a lot. I need to take some pointers from you, I think.
I never got the “Monday” thing until the last year or so. Because of my unusual working patterns, the days had a tendency to all blend into each other.
Not only do I often find Monday’s a real slog…I’m also noticing the Sunday blues starting to creep in.
I feel like this Sunday/Monday slump started around the beginning of the pandemic. When in doubt – blame COVID?
The blurring of the days is definitely real. And I do think it’s at least partly due to COVID. I have a lot of days that are fairly similar with the exception of the specific meetings I have scheduled. I don’t have the Sunday blues yet, but sometimes it just seems like Monday comes a bit too fast. It’s particularly hard if I’ve worked all weekend and not given myself a true break. I’m terrible about that.