Happy Monday, everyone. I know that it is a day of reflection here in the US, as we mark Martin Luther King, Jr., day. This is one of those holidays that I do not consider a holiday. Instead, I view it as a prompt for learning more about Dr. King’s life and work, and what I can do to carry his legacy forward. Today, I’m planning to read his Letter from a Birmingham Jail as well as this sermon on loving your enemies.
However, right now I have a few minutes to share my intentions and word(s)for 2022, and I had a question that I hoped to pose to some of the more regular visitors to my blog (few in number, strong in spirit!). I rarely do this but given my desire to take time to reflect on the past several years and explore where I want my life to go from here, it seemed a reasonable option for 2022.
So, what are my intentions? This year, I am keeping it simple: Be Kind. Seek Joy. I know that I can do much more in my daily life to truly be kind. Even if I don’t overtly show UNkindness, I often have somewhat judgmental thoughts, and I’d like to shift that to a perspective of kindness. I will never know what someone is going through when I encounter them in my life. It takes much less energy to simply be kind, than to work myself up to unkind thoughts.
I also really need to up my game in terms of seeking joy. Joy – true joy – has been absent from my life of late, and that’s not good. I need to remember what brings me joy, where I can find that, and then make it happen. I’m talking big joys (travel! time with my family!) and small ones (browsing in a bookstore). If I can find a way to infuse joy into every day this year? That would be awesome. However, that’s a pretty high bar for a currently joy-less person so for now, I’m going to aim to have at least one joyful experience a month. I know, I know, it’s not much, but taking part of a day to focus on seeking joy and feeding my heart and soul will go a long way to making me feel like myself again.
So those are my intentions. My word for the year? Courage. I waffled on this for a while. For a time, I thought “seek” (and variants thereof, e.g., seeking) would be my word. But instead I realized that it’s more of an intention. No, courage was it, although it took time for me to come back around to it.
Why courage? Well, as I’ve alluded to in the past few months, I had a major life change in 2021. One that was kind of anticipated, but also, well, not. And since it seems goofy to just dance around it for the next year, I’m going to go ahead and share that the major change was my marriage ending. I never, ever thought I would get a divorce. And yet. Here we are – divorced.
There aren’t any sordid details to share or anything like that. Just (another) sad story of people growing apart. But just because it wasn’t sordid or even particularly dramatic (there is no drama in receiving an email with a link to the PDF of your divorce decree online…) doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard.
I need courage to remember what it was like to be independent. Single. Me, by myself. I’ll write more about this in coming days, but for now, it seems to suffice to let you know that 2022 will be my year of courage. Of showing up and being brave (a related word I considered, but eventually ditched). It will be an interesting year, to say the least, but I have high hopes for where I will be – for WHO I will be – on 12/31/2022.
Finally, my question. A practical one. For those of you who love your budgets, what software/website/program do you use? I feel the need to migrate from my current ancient method of Excel, but am stymied by all of the options available. Thanks in advance!
And thank you for persisting with me through the past few months. Like I said, I hope to be here more in 2022. Thanks for coming along for the ride.
Oh Anne, uff. Divorce. I am so sorry. That is indeed a major life change and I can only imagine how it must have rocked your world – anticipated or not.
Courage seems to be a very fitting word moving forward – and it very much relates to your last post about figuring out who you were, are, and want to be! I think this is an excellent plan moving into 2022. Think of it this way, YOU alone will determine the answer to that question.
I do hope you’ll seek joy because you deserve it. And also extend all the kindness that you want to extend to others to yourself as well. You deserve that too.
Sending lots of love, hugs, and COURAGE your way.
As for your question: I’ve been a big fan of YNAB (and have been using it for 7 years). It’s a paid program (unfortunately) but to me, it’s worth it.
Thanks, San. It hasn’t been easy, even though it wasn’t acrimonious in any way.
I thought Courage covered all the bases – and it works in all areas of my life. I need to (try to) be more courageous at work, speaking up more, making my perspective known, taking some (small) risks.
But it’s in my personal life that I need the most Courage. We were married for over 15 years. Being a “we” for that long, then shifting (back) to a “me” is… challenging. But you’re right – I will determine who I am and who I want to be. I do have it relatively easy – I am now just responsible for myself, my happiness, and what my life looks like. If I don’t like it – then I can change it!
And thanks for your answer to my question! I thought you used YNAB. I’ve heard of it so will take a look!
Hi Anne,
I have so many thoughts swirling; what words are right when someone is navigating such a hard life transition?
First, this is hard and there is no expiration date for you to stop feeling like it’s hard. Wounds and disappointments are a sad reality of life here on earth and I think we can do ourselves a disservice by not lamenting and acknowledging that things are hard and sad. It takes courage to feel our sadness.
On the other hand, I also strive to find joy. Sometimes I feel like I must seem like a fraud to some. I lament and talk about the hard and then I also call out the joy. But I think this is true and honest and raw. Life is full of hard and joy – often mingled together in a strange mix of confusion.
I don’t know how to articulate my thoughts here, but know that I’m praying for you – for peace and love and joy…and courage. And to know that it’s okay to say that things are hard while also actively pursuing joy.
I’ve never navigated the “hard” of divorce, so I can’t pretend to fully understand the experience, but I’m honoured to walk alongside you in this hard and offer any support I can. *Hugs*
Elisabeth, thank you so much. It is hard. Harder than I anticipated (although I could take a moment to consider why I even thought I could anticipate what this would be like…). I am now working to find the joy in the changes, in some of the things that are no longer weighing me down, taking up (a lot) of space in my brain.
I think the hard and the joy have to exist in all of our lives. They go hand in hand. Without the hard times, how would we truly appreciate the joys? It can be hard for me to see when I feel mired down in all of the difficult parts of life, but eventually the joy does emerge (and sometimes when we least expect it).
I also think that we have, as a society, discounted the idea of trying to see the bright side of things. Why shouldn’t we? Life is what we make of it, and if I can find a shred of joy where I thought there might be none, I’m going to grab onto that and hold on to it.
And thank you for walking alongside me in this new and uncertain journey. I suspect – no, I know – that it will help me get to the life that I need and want. It’s just going to take a bit of time, as the good things always do.
<3
I’m so sorry to hear about your divorce, Anne. But I’ve heard from the “tone” of your writing that something has been going on. Your goals and word of the year sound very good and positive and like something that can make this year a good one. It’s good to have a focus for the year, I haven’t really so far, but halfway into 2021 I took one (self-respect), and while I failed with it many times that year, I ended 2021 with making decisions that meant to be true to myself in many ways. So a concept for the year can give some good guidance. I wish you many joys, big and small, during 2022.
Susanne, thank you so much for this… and yes, I know my tone had changed. I felt like I was bringing some of my melancholy to this site, more than I really wanted to. I rarely pick a word or intention for the year, but this year (particularly with all of the changes in my life) it seems appropriate. Having something – even just a phrase, or a word – to turn to when I’m feeling uncertain about my choices helps me figure out which option fits best with how I want to live my life right now. The fact that it has popped into my mind randomly at different points in the past few days (usually when I am making a choice, even something as mundane as choice of words in an email) makes me think that it’s the right word at the right time.
I like self-respect as a word, too. Being true to yourself – showing yourself the respect that you deserve in so many ways – is one of the best things you can do for yourself, IMO.
Thank you for always being here, and for your constant support from across a half a continent and an ocean. It means a lot. <3
Letter from Birmingham Jail is one of the most powerful pieces of writing I’ve ever read. I’m glad you offered me an opportunity to revisit it.
I’m sorry to hear about the end of your marriage. Even an amicable split (is that even really a thing?) is so hard, emotionally and logistically. I hope that this year can mark a new beginning for you on your own in a positive way. Don’t let Anne down, 2022!!
I just use an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of my expenses because all of those budgeting apps seem to confuse me more than help, so I’m probably not a great person to talk to about that question!
Thank you so much for your comment – and for pointing out that an “amicable” split may be just a figment of our collective imagination. I was going to say that it was uncomplicated, but that isn’t exactly right, either. Let me put it this way – legally? It was easy. Financially? Easy. Emotionally? Really really (really) hard. I didn’t anticipate that but in hindsight I probably should have. We were ending a 16+ year marriage. How could it not be hard? And yes, 2022 has a lot of pressure on it. Darn it.
Thanks for telling me about your spreadsheet! It seems to be a more popular option than I realized! San mentioned YNAB and I’m going to check that out, too. But I may wind up just updating / adapting my current Excel approach. We shall see.
Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Anne. <3 I knew you went through something life-changing last year, and I am sorry to hear that it was your marriage ending. That's tough, even when it's an amicable split, and there is so much grieving involved with everything that won't happen. I hope you do talk more about finding yourself after your divorce, because I think it's something a lot of people go through and can relate to. <3 There is such courage in finding your independence and happiness after something like that.
As for your practical question, I know most people swear by Mint or You Need a Budget, but I'm more of an old-school Excel gal. I've never really enjoyed the digital-based programs, but it might work better for you!
Thank you, Stephany. I knew that sharing here was the right thing, given the fabulousness of this blogging community. <3
Finding - or, refinding? - myself is going to be an interesting process. I don't know how others view their lives but I see mine - and who I was -in distinct phases. The early ones are easy, they align with school transitions (middle school, high school, college, grad school #1, etc.) The later ones are more difficult but I suspect will become clearer with some reflection.
I think a lot of how I apply Courage this year will relate to re-establishing my independence and sense of adventure. I've lost that over time and I miss that part of me. I know it will look different because I am obviously (and thankfully) different from who I was at 22. But that doesn't mean it can't be just as meaningful, or just as much fun. š (And yes, seeking joy this year is definitely going to involve having more fun and - gasp! - laughing more.)
And thanks for sharing that you also use Excel! It's a more popular option than I realized!
Thank you again for being here. It means a lot. <3
I don’t think my earlier comment showed up here (but I know you got my e-mail!).
Regarding budgets, I use Excel.
I do use a program called Wave – which can be free! – for work, and thought of doing this for personal use as well, but just don’t want to go to that much trouble. It automatically pulls in transactions from credit cards and bank accounts and you can set up all sorts of categories. But…to me it was just too much work.
I use Google Drive and have each month of the year as a separate tab in an Excel sheet. I have all the big categories across the top and totals at the bottom. I have one extra sheet at the end where I also record our current mortgage remaining, long-term savings, and then also what we’re spending per month (a running average which changes each month) in all the categories (Health, Kids, Meals and Entertainment, Charitable Donations, Groceries, Household etc.)
I will say I don’t actually “budget” with this. I monitor only and don’t have specific targets, so I think that makes it simpler. I just download a CSV file from our chequing account, our credit cards (we each have one but share a chequings account), and input all the data! Bare-bones, but it has worked well for me/us!
I’ll try to blog about it sometime soon.
Elisabeth, it absolutely did show up, it was completely my fault as I hadn’t approved it.
Another Excel person! And THANK YOU for sharing the details. I realized, reading your comment, that what I have been tracking is my accounts, not the spending within each category. Although I categorize my purchases (e.g., “Groceries”, or “Health”) I haven’t pulled those categories and the amounts into separate tabs. That, apparently, is the (very simple) trick I’d been missing.
This is such a new area for me because I was not the finances person in our marriage. My (now ex) spouse loved doing it and I let them. And when I was living by myself, with responsibility for only my finances, I just had a vague idea of where my money was going. I knew that I had enough money, but I wasn’t paying attention to how much went to food, etc. Now I want to be more intentional with how I spend my money so more detailed tracking seems like a good idea. I’m not planning to set a budget (as in a limit) either, but just want to confirm that how I think I’m spending money aligns with how I am actually spending it!
And just fyi, I may copy your categories. They make a lot of sense. Stephany, San, and NGS also post detailed breakdowns with their categories, so I can learn from them, too. You all are the best.
Thank you, again, for being here. It means a lot.
I was absolutely sure I had left a comment on this post. Now I wonder if Iām confused! š
Anyway. Iām so sorry about your divorce. Certainly a life-changing event. I wish you all the best as you move on to another stage in life.
I really like your concepts of the year. Be kind, seek joy are such important things that will create more quality of life in many ways. Courage will move you forward, create who you want to be.
And finally, Iām all ears if you find a modern, and user-friendly, alternative to Excel!
Oh, Susanne, you had. You’re not losing it, but I may be! (See my Mea Culpa post for the explanation, which honestly is not a very good one…) But thank you for coming back, for supporting me (again) in your comment, and for always being there. <3
If you look at the comments, San is the YNAB (You Need a Budget) user in this group, but everyone else seems to go old-school with Excel. There's a certain comfort for me in using it, but I'm definitely going to check out YNAB, too. We shall see - and I anticipate that I will update here at some point!
Also, I'd be so curious to know how things have changed for you with your move to a new country. Those HUGE changes can make a big difference in how we live, so it makes sense that would affect spending as well.
I cannot imagine what you went through and what you are going through now. But you definitely had courage then, and do now. Sending hugs your way. I hope as you find your independence, you also find some of that joy <3
Thanks, Kim. It hasn’t been easy, but I am much luckier than many other people. At the same time, it’s a huge change in my life and I am definitely still adapting! Sharing the news here has helped tremendously, as I’ve been reluctant to share widely, particularly with colleagues at work. I am focusing on finding little bits of joy in my days, and that also helps. I think we could all use that at this point in this #*%(*@#% pandemic. š