***Thank you all for your absolutely lovely comments on my last post. It took a lot to post that, and it took a lot out of me, to be honest. Reading your comments, and the support your offered me, made such a difference. So thank you. Again, I am grateful beyond measure for the community we have built. <3***
I’ve noticed a bit of a theme in the quotes and passages that I have saved in the last few weeks… the idea of striving for an ordinary life. That not all of us are meant to be extraordinary, shining stars, brilliant points of light in the Universe.
No, most of us on this earth will live perfectly ordinary lives.
And that is perfectly fine. In fact, it may even be better than being pressured to become extraordinary, and then to stay that way. At least, in my opinion.
Because, really, what is wrong with living a (mostly) ordinary life? I think most of us want to be fulfilled in our daily lives, to feel like our time here on earth is worth something, that it contributes to the long arc of human history. But you can do that while living a lovely, ordinary life. You don’t have to be exceptional to make a mark on the world, or to touch the lives of the people you encounter throughout your life.
There is some comfort, for me at least, in being one of the masses. One of the legions of people out there living ordinary lives. Obviously some ground rules apply – treating others well, not committing crimes, etc. I hope that for most of us that’s obvious – and easy to achieve. But if you treat others well, if you live your life on your terms without hurting others, or infringing on others’ rights, if you make some contribution to society, take responsibility for your actions… you may be living an ordinary life, but you are contributing to the collective good that keeps our society and our species moving forward (at least for now).
I’m ordinary. And you know what? It feels good to be ordinary. Removing the pressure of being “the best” (for me, especially, in my work life), and knowing that my ordinary life and work ARE contributing? That is enough for me.
“But the more I grow as a human, the more ordinary feels like the most true, most relieving, most human kind of life to find ourselves in… I think we lose sight of our humanity when we prioritize winning over everything, success over contentment, the Next Big Thing over feeling at peace in what we’re doing, followers over connection, and a continual upward trajectory over being present with what we already have/do/are.” Lisa Olivera
I’ll have no trumpets, triumphs, trails of glory.
It seems the woman I’ve turned out to be
Is not the heroine of some grand story.
But I have learned to find the poetry
In what my hands can touch, my eyes can see.
The pleasures of an ordinary life.
Judith Viorst
I yearn for an ordinary life. I want to be an average human being. I used to beat myself up a bit for not being more ambitious, but the truth is that I like to read, play with my dog, and watch birds at the bird feeder. Anything more than that seems like I’m overreaching. I think it’s GREAT if people want to do big things, but I don’t want to be one of them.
This is so true: “I think it’s GREAT if people want to do big things, but I don’t want to be one of them.” There is nothing – NOTHING – wrong with wanting a quiet and ordinary life with your dog and your books. Those are the people who really make the world go ’round, when you think about it. (Where would all the shining stars be without the solid foundation provided by ordinary people?)
I wasted so much time being envious of others and the “success” they were having early in their careers. I’m a plodder. One of my work mentors referred to me that way in a meeting this weekend (yes, we’re nuts) and I wasn’t even close to insulted. You know what? It’s true. I don’t need to be the shining star. Why would I want to be? I hate (yes, hate) being the center of attention. I hate the pressure it brings to be the “best”. I’m more than happy with my quiet life.
This is lovely and so true.
The simple things are the richest. The ordinary lives are often the truest (and bravest).
I wrote down this quote by Matt Haig the other day and it…sorta? fits with this theme.
“The sky isn’t more beautiful if you have perfect skin. Music doesn’t sound more interesting if you have a six-pack. Dogs aren’t better company if you’re famous. Pizza tastes good regardless of your job title. The best of life exists beyond the things we are encouraged to crave.”
So, so true, Elisabeth. Why make things difficult and complicated? Simple is best. I like my quiet, unassuming life in the middle – almost literally – of the country. I don’t need to be in a power position. (Good grief, they might make me wear… suits. [If that were the case I wouldn’t take the job, LOL…])
That Matt Haig quote is PERFECT. Thank you for that! I am loving – LOVING – Notes on a Nervous Planet, by the way. I swear, he is in my head. Thank you so much for the recommendation. I had hesitated to read it but it is absolutely perfect for me right now. <3
Oh, I love this so much! I spent a lot of my twenties yearning for a more ambitious, bolder, brighter life but then I realized that’s just not the kind of life I want to lead. I just thought it was because we’re told to want that. But the simple, ordinary life is so much more my speed. I think we can find bold ambition in the everyday, too, but it just might look different than what we imagined.
Oh, Stephany – I love this phrase: “I think we can find bold ambition in the everyday, too…” So, so true! So much change – so many advances – have been made by people who are ambitious but also ordinary! We can’t all be extraordinary (as San says in her comment). Big things happen because ordinary people put in the work. I’ve also realized that I don’t need that bold and bright life. I would actually hate it – being the center of attention is basically my worst nightmare. So yes, let me be ambitious behind the scenes. I can still do good things and make an impact, as we all can. 🙂
Well, the truth is: not everybody on this planet can be a extraordinary … and if we all were, nobody would be (because to be extraordinary, there need to be the “ordinary masses” LOL.
But being ordinary doesn’t mean we aren’t special and unique in our own way and the collective power of ordinary people can’t be emphasized enough. Without ordinary people, this society would not work!
I shared this article recently in one of my “link list” and it’s so fitting, don’t you think? https://getpocket.com/explore/item/in-defense-of-being-average
So true, San, and I should have said that in my post! Without the ordinary, how would we recognize those who do stand out, who are extraordinary? Some will always rise to the top – but they will do that, it will be made possible, by the ordinary who have come before them and laid the foundation. And that is an excellent article on being average… so very similar to this idea. I particularly like the idea of not having mediocrity as the goal, but if that’s the outcome? Then that is just fine. (I would also like to know how many people who are extraordinary at one thing – such as, for example, astrophysics – are completely unable to do other things. Like, I don’t know, cook a meal? Run a load of laundry? Just because you’re great at one thing doesn’t mean you’re great at all things.)
Isn’t it wonderful to allow ourselves to be ordinary and that that’s fine? There’s such relief and calm in that, for me at least. The whole world is crazy about standing out, being extraordinary, and special, and having high goals and ambitions. I think that causes more stress to people than what is healthy. Because as you say, everyone isn’t going to be extraordinary.
I read a similar blog post a couple of years ago and I still carry it with me (even though the actual blog post has been taken down, sadly). Something like “I only want to live a mediocre life”. I agreed with everything in it. Like you, I find comfort in being one in the masses. Despite everything I do that potentially makes me stand out (like singing, playing solo guitar, having ambitions to sell things that I made, etc), I prefer to not stand out, I just want to live a quiet life and do fun things.
Very interesting topic!
Absolutely, yes, Susanne. It is such a relief that I don’t feel (anymore) the need to be extraordinary. It is exhausting, and would put me in a position that I would not enjoy, if I were to succeed. I hate the spotlight, I don’t need or want the ‘recognition’, and I certainly don’t need the stress associated with not only attaining extraordinariness (is that a word?) but then *maintaining* it.
Faceless masses ARE comforting. Being one of many – that’s where I want to be! And I don’t think your goals/vocations/hobbies necessarily make you stand out. You have talents that you want to share with others – to me, that is different from wanting to be extraordinary. (Plus, you know I love your music and your photos! :>)