It’s been nearly a month and I haven’t yet written up my Chicago trip. But it actually relates to today’s post, which has been percolating in my brain for the last few days.
The semester has started, and with it the sense of drinking from roughly 5 fire hoses at once, trying to manage all of the information and interactions and responsibilities. I worry constantly that I will drop not just one critical ball, but possibly all of them.
This year, I’m juggling more than I have in past years (don’t ask how many independent studies I’m currently overseeing…). And Thursday, I was pretty much at the end of my rope. I knew that I had to do something this weekend to make things better.
My mother’s solution? “Take a nap. You need sleep.”
Here’s the thing: I have this visceral reaction against taking naps. Why? It’s a couple of things. First, it feels like admitting weakness (I know it isn’t, but that’s how it feels). And, I just don’t like sitting and doing nothing, even if I’m not cognizant of doing nothing.
So a nap was probably out. But. There are other ways to rest. And I’ve started to – finally – realize what they are for me. Better late than never, right?
For me, rest involves doing. I know. That makes no sense. But hear (read?) me out.
When I went to the Van Gogh exhibit, I was actively doing something. Actively participating in an event that I wanted to attend. I am an art museum fiend. It’s partly because of how I grew up – we spent many, many vacations and weekends in art museums as kids. While we complained, of course, the blow was usually softened by visits to other types of museums and/or the promise of a quarter if we could find a painting our father wanted to photograph. (This is a really long story but it’s a hilarious part of our family history and an ongoing family joke.)
I learned to love art. I cannot create it – far from it – but oh, I can appreciate it. And I have my favorites. Van Gogh is one of them.
I lost myself in the beauty of the paintings. I was completely engaged. I spent time – as much time as I could – simply gazing at the paintings that spoke to me. Sure, I took pictures, to document and remember which paintings really stood out. But the 1.5 hours I spent in that exhibit were truly a time of rest for me. I didn’t think about my phone. I didn’t think about work. My whole body relaxed.
That is a form of rest for me.
Another one is sitting on a lakeshore, listening to the waves. I could sit there for hours, just listening. I may gaze at the horizon, but just being on the shore, listening, takes me out of my usual work-work-work focus. Hikes are much the same – I don’t go fast, in fact, I’m embarrassingly slow. But hikes, for me, are a time to savor. To take it all in – to drink in the beauty of the world.
I may not be napping, but my brain feels the difference. I feel the difference.
This weekend did not involve art, or a hike (sigh), or a trip to a lake (double sigh). But it did include a family Zoom. And attending a Zoom session yesterday on rest (how fortuitous) with David Whyte.
A few takeaways from the David Whyte session (note: these are approximations of what was said, not exact quotes…this is the essence of what I heard…)
- Rest is the ability to loosen our grip on existence. The way we’re holding our life on the periphery is preventing us from heartfelt engagement into the center.
- The ability to create a spaciousness, where you’re allowed to explore, you’re allowed to think.
- When we are busy and stressed on the edge of our lives, we tend to join company with others who are in the same way. Being overwhelmed is worn like a red badge of courage. There is a competition as to who is doing the most. Those who rest are not part of your world – they do not count.
- The act of stopping is the act of dying to that self. You feel as if rest is the enemy to what you’ve achieved on the surface.
- Give yourself time to inhabit a greater world than the one that you’re inhabiting in such a limited way.
So I’m going into the week knowing that there are still tons of meetings, and classes, and other responsibilities. But also going into the week having at least had a couple of hours of rest. I wish you the same.
An excerpt from a particularly appropriate David Whyte poem, The House of Belonging:
Sometimes everything
has to be
inscribed across
the heavens
so you can find
the one line
already written
inside you.
Sometimes it takes
a great sky
to find that
first, bright
and indescribable
wedge of freedom
in your own heart.
YES YES YES YES YES…I am Team Anti Nap. The only time that I take them is that rare time when I’m physically sleepy in the middle of the day AND I’m not doing anything else. But I do take a lot of breaks to renew my energy. That’s exactly what I do when I take my mini vacations on the weekend. Walking the dog is my daily go-to.
Exactly! You get it, clearly. I think we would be just fine if we were in the same place for a weekend – do things! (My one exception to this is beach vacations, which are few and far between for someone who lives in the Midwest…) I did fall asleep on the couch recently when I was sick, but that was a complete outlier.
My other problem is an inability/mental block against sleeping in. I just can’t get past it, which drives the people in my life bonkers. 🙂
I have never found it hard to rest. LOL. I sometimes wonder what’s wrong with me. A day doesn’t pass that I don’t sit on the couch with my cat and a book. I think maybe I’m just lazy? Be lazy like me!
See, here’s the thing – I think a middle ground would be GREAT. I’d love the ability to let myself rest – whether it’s sleeping in, or taking a break (not necessarily napping but maybe reading?). But I can’t do that. And I know there are benefits to doing those things, at least periodically. So know that I am a bit envious of your ability to laze. 😉
There are many ways to rest! It doesn’t always have to be sleep. I am not a napper either, but I find just reading to be restful and restorative. Also, exercise is “rest” to me, as it gives my brain a break.
Oh, good point, Nicole!!! You’re absolutely right. Exercise does it for me, too – it’s when I listen to sports radio (Engie would love this… or not… ;>) and read the paper online. Which is, oddly, restful for me because IT’S NOT WORK.
Oh gosh, we are polar opposites here! I am a PRO at resting. I think I am just someone with very limited energy as it is, so I *have* to have strong boundaries so that I get the rest I need, whether that is a nap or reading on the couch or just reading blogs. I have never struggled with this. There has been a lot of discourse lately about the busyness economy and recognizing that being busy for busy sake is not helpful for any of us. And I have a lot of friends who feel the same way, so none of us are trying to “out-busy” the other, and we have great conversations about HOW we are resting and recharging. I think it’s one of the most important skills to develop!
Stephany, I’m laughing because I originally had a line in here about “Stephany is currently falling off her chair in Florida…”. I knew you were a complete and total opposite on this point. And yes, I do worry that I am trying to out-busy people. I think part of my problem is that I don’t want to “burden” others, particularly at work. We are all ridiculously overstretched. Academia is a crap show right now, to be honest, and especially in my field. There aren’t enough people to do the work. So I think, well, I don’t have a family, or really a life, so I’ll just do it so that my colleagues can spend time with their families or recharge for their more-challenging lives. I know, I know. But it’s how I think – if I do it, then someone else doesn’t have to. I know I don’t get any rewards for this but I can’t figure out how to break this pattern… (Sorry, that got long…)
I am also on team no nap! It stresses me out and, even IF I do fall asleep, I wake up feeling worse. (Exception: migraines) I love this rethinking of resting that you have here. I’ve been doing a lot of journaling to figure out what I enjoy doing as I tend to freeze and stare when I have “time to myself” and so much of it aligns with what you said you do to rest. So glad to have a kindred spirit!
Yes, Lindsay, you are so, so right – I do wake up feeling worse. Discombobulated and disoriented and I can never get back to whatever I was doing. It drives me berserk. It’s so helpful to know there are other people like me out there, since it seems everyone is better at this whole resting thing than I am. Maybe it’s just… typical resting?
I am not very good at resting either. I will occasionally take a nap (when I am really tired) but usually I am doing some sort of “low-key” activity during downtime. I always feel like I have to “maximize” my time in some way. It can be nice to just be still though. Occasionally 😉
I knew you would get it, San. Resting just isn’t in the cards for me. Even today – when I’ve been up since (sigh) midnight, since I could not get my brain to shut off – there won’t be a nap. There will be caffeine! And yes, maximizing downtime is the perfect description – I just had some “easy time” to start my Sunday, which involved checking the news, seeing who had published blogs since yesterday, and now replying to comments. Ha.
Even when my kids were teeny tiny and people were like “take naps when the baby naps” I couldn’t. My nature is too anxious for that. So I just zombies my way through. Now they are 3 and 5 and I still don’t take naps.
I think there are nappers and non-nappers. My father is a napper. My mother and I are not. That’s just how it is! Glad you survived the zombie stage of motherhood. 🙂
Oh YES to anti nap! I’m totally on board with resting by doing something… but it has to be something I do just for me without people expecting something from me. I rest by doing photography, reading blogs, playing around in Adobe Illustrator or other creative things. But I must say that also something as unexpected as lifting weights or indoor cycling is like rest… simply because it’s something I do only for me and that makes me relax my brain.
You are another one of My People, Susanne! Napping is just not for me. Even now, when I’m so tired I can barely see straight. I will rest tonight by reading blogs (still catching up on yours, and I just read that “next post”, sigh…) and then reading in bed until my eyes close. Tomorrow, I will rest by working out (trust me, it is brain rest!) while listening to sports radio (I am weird) and reading the newspaper online (the not-awful-news stories parts). 🙂
I hope you are having a wonderful, restful weekend.
I was never able to nap. In kindergarten when naps were required I was never able to. As a toddler I stopped naps very early. And now I wish I could do it more.
I am not sure what changed. Maybe the mindset? I always thought it was a waste of time. Now I just tell myself I lay down and rest my eyes. keep them closed for 20 minutes. Just listening. Sometimes to an audio book, sometimes to my surroundings. And often enough I fall asleep.
But that said, how great that you found things that make you feel rested. The things you described like sitting inform of a painting, being at the beach listening to waves sound to me like meditation.
Hope you are able to include many resting moments in your days. They do sound full. And I would like to know how many studies you oversee.
I need to ask my parents if I was a napper as a kid. I suspect not. We were never ‘required’ to nap, but we did have quiet time, if I remember correctly. I prefer to sit (or lie down) and read. Not a huge fiction audiobook fan, and paying attention to a nonfiction audiobook makes it hard to truly relax. For me, it’s that my brain won’t shut off. If I can focus on something that is NOT my internal dialogue, to me, that counts as rest. 🙂
I am running – as in, the primary point person for – two studies, with very similar designs. Both human subjects research, which requires meeting a whole set of ethical criteria. And all the “rest of it”, which is… a lot. 🙂 I have some minor help with the studies but it’s pretty much all on me. Thankfully, we are finally getting close to recruitment goals on both! Fingers crossed! (I know you were making a transition between jobs, right? Did that happen? Are you in a new job or position?)
I’m surprised how many people here are anti-nap! I LOVE naps! Like Stephany, I’m a pro at resting. I also agree that it doesn’t HAVE to be a nap though- going to an art exhibit or the beach or on a hike, or just something where you can turn your busy-brain off is very relaxing.
i love the David Whyte takeaways (especially the last one.). I’m a little late commenting here so I hope the rest of your September was… restful!
Turning off my busy-brain. YES YES YES. This is exactly it!
I do think there are Nappers and Non-Nappers. You and Stephany sound like pros, for sure.
The rest of September was, sadly, bonkers. It’s not exactly improving now that we’re into October. I’m kind of holding on until the end of the semester (literally everyone I meet with is saying how crazy it is this semester and I’m not sure what it is but it is clearly Not Just Me…).
I love a good nap, but only when I’m totally exhausted. I don’t function well if I’ve had a rough night of sleep. I’ve had an ongoing issue and I’m seeing a new GI next week. I’m really hoping he has the answers, because as much as I love a ‘catch me up on sleep’ nap – I really prefer a decent night sleep.
I also love exercising – that is my reboot time. It seems to clear my brain.
I wrote a whole thing about going to art museums this summer. My uncle’s bucket list included going to certain art museums in the midwest. We just moved him here from Texas. My daughter, Mini, and I took him to Youngstown, Cleveland, and Toledo. He is a big Winslow Homer fan. Then Mini went with Uncle, my dad and my sister to see the Van Gogh exhibit August 11th.
I hope life settles down and you don’t feel like you even need a nap. 😉
I loved your art museum posts and reading about how your Uncle was able to see some of his most-loved art. I am in awe of all you do for others – your kids, your extended family, your kids’ friends, the families whose children you care for… you must have one of those hearts that just expands!
And oh, I hear you on the GI issues. Middle of the night GI stuff is so frustrating. And painful. And just, well, annoying – I’d much rather be sleeping, thanks. Will be reading to learn about the new GI, and hope they have some better solutions for you…