Another Monday morning. Another week. And another chance to do this a bit differently. I want to take time in the morning – again – to start my working day a bit more mindfully. I’d really like to read a chapter in a book, or a few email newsletters that I get. Something not-work. And I struggle every. single. time. I try to make this change.
Why is this so hard for me? You’d think it would be easy, right? Break the habit of opening work email and my To Do list app (this thing has been life-changing for me in terms of keeping track of What Needs To Be Done) first thing. Break the habit of just jumping in with both feet, with nary a thought to doing something for me, first. Something that won’t take more than 15 minutes, honestly.
I always wondered why it was harder for some people to change their eating and/or drinking related habits. I imagine it’s the same kind of block that I have with changing work habits. It’s hard. And frustrating, to fail over and over again at making simple changes that I KNOW will support my mental health and well-being.
I guess there’s nothing to do but try again tomorrow, right? But not just thinking about it – actually doing it. I know NGS has an accountability partner for her workouts; maybe I need to find an accountability partner for my work-related habits. Hm. I’ll have to think about that one.
Regardless, I know I need to change how I approach my weeks and my days. Eventually – right? it has to happen eventually? – I’ll get there. I just hope it’s sooner rather than later!
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
– Lao Tzu
Isn’t it interesting how some habits are more different than others to change? After Christmas, I stopped eating sugar and what I call “unnecessary carbs” (think cakes, sweets, and other things that don’t add anything nutrition-wise) and I eat to be able to train and gain muscle rather than for enjoyment. Another habit I added was to run Mondays and Thursdays. These mornings were holy. Now that habit is replaced with indoor cycling Tuesday and Thursday. None of these habits were hard to implement. Instead with tech – like many, I browse too much on Instagram, although I don’t even like it. And even if I write to-do lists for work, it’s so hard to get anywhere with them!
But yes – try again tomorrow! The idea of an accountability partner sounds good to me. Perhaps read David Goggins if you haven’t already? His idea of an accountability mirror really stuck with me. Look at yourself in the mirror, “The only person who can change my life is me”.
Susanne, you bring up a really interesting point. WHY do I want to do this? I think finding my why – and focusing on that – might help. I’ve never heard of David Goggins but after a quick Google, wow. I might have to hunt down his first book. (I think it’s Can’t Hurt Me?? Is that the one you read?) Regardless, rather than beating myself up about missing a day, it might be better to remind myself why I wanted to do this in the first place, and then… just do it. 🙂
Finding your why is essential! And seeing that your why is more important than anything.. and find strength in that to keep your good habits. And yes, the first Goggins book to read is “Can’t hurt me”. You don’t have to be into extreme sports to be inspired by it – it’s basically about strategies and ways of thinking to change your life. It has helped me a lot and since I read it, the Goggins attitude has stayed with me and I think that’s at least partly what has given me the grit you’ve mentioned so much in your comments lately.
Thanks for the additional information on Goggins, Susanne. I will definitely put that on my to-read list. It’s long – but the list for nonfiction is, thankfully, shorter. I’ve had a nagging feeling that I need to do a bit of life excavating to find my “why” at this moment in time. Because my why at this age, in this context, differs so much from what it’s been in the past. Time to dig in, I suppose.
Here’s my advice: Create a self-care routine that you do every day. It can be short, 10-15 minutes. Maybe the first 15 minutes your awake you DON’T LOOK AT YOUR PHONE. Read. Take a walk. Listen to music. Meditate. Whatever is fun for you. And then stick to this practice. (Or, if it doesn’t work for you in the morning, do it at lunch or whatever.)
I think it’s worth it to consider the long-term effects of stress and overwork on your body and mental health. Consider these ten or fifteen minutes each day as the equivalent of eating healthy or exercise. You’ll be so much better off in the long run!
Of course, that’s all easy for me to say because I’m not a lady who works and works and works!
Well, this is a bit later in my day, so the phone has already been out. 🙂 But I get your point! I exercise. I eat (mostly) good food. This is something I need for my mental and emotional health. And, I think your practice of habit tracking (and San’s, for her workouts) might serve me well here. I’ll need to figure out a place to document that, but a visible reminder of hey! You need and want to do this, so do it! might be good.
One day at a time Anne! You’ll get there. The accountability buddy sounds like the perfect thing.
Exactly. One day at a time – and not letting myself get derailed by one missed day, or one day when I do/read/write less than intended. Every little bit counts. It’s like exercise, in a way, when you think about it. 🙂
Ach Anne, don’t be too hard on yourself, although I understand the desire to make a positive change in your life, making changes is hard and it takes a while to create a habit (where things get automated and you don’t consciously think about it every single time). Have you tried implementing the morning routine on weekends first and then maybe expanding it to an extra day during the week, and so on? Maybe trying to just switch and do it every day is too much of a change at once?
Oooh, I like that idea, San, of focusing on the weekends. And you’re right – I do this already on Sundays. Why can’t I do it on Saturdays, and then slowly merge it into the rest of my weekly routine? Really, the world will not end if I send an email 15 minutes later… it’s not like anyone is reading them when I send them before 8 am, anyway. 😉
I also like your trackers for your exercise challenges…so I think tracking my progress might also be helpful.
So glad to “hear” your voice!!!
It is hard to find proper work/life balance. I wonder if seeing a therapist or coach might help? Not that an accountability partner isn’t wonderful, but I suspect there are things underlying the ongoing challenge that might run deeper? Sorry this is meta, but I’ve started seeing a therapist lately and it really has been SO, SO helpful. There isn’t any judgement and I also feel like I don’t have to “shelter” her from anything…she just seems to know the right questions to ask to get at the “why” behind what’s happening (in my case a lot of anxiety around a challenging neighbourhood situation).
Thinking of you my friend <3
It is so hard, isn’t it, Elisabeth? And, you reminded me of something I had forgotten. I’ve seen a therapist for YEARS (and I am so, so glad you are working with one, now – the neighbor situation sounds horrible, and I don’t even know the details… :(). She and I talked about this in the spring, before we refocused on a few other things. She mentioned that I can just email her through their secure portal, and let her know when I’ve spent time doing self-care in the morning. In a way, she’s serving as a remote accountability partner, and it helps her to help me find new ways of making self-care happen. (And yes, oh, my goodness, the no judgement piece of the relationship is so helpful, isn’t it? To just… let it out without worrying? It’s such a gift to yourself. <3)
Hugs to you - so, so glad you are back in a new space. <3
It’s hard to make changes sometimes! I hope you can make the changes you need and want to.
Yes, it is, Nicole. Somehow, though, I think if I just focus on my why and remember why this will benefit me throughout my day, it will help. Fingers crossed. 🙂
You’ve already received so much great advice here, Anne. I do think seeing a therapist could be helpful to get to the bottom of why it’s so hard for you to relax and not be so tied to work. Work/life balance isn’t something I struggle with, but don’t you worry, I have enough of my own struggles, haha. I hope you’re able to find a balance for your life because it’s only going to help you feel better!
I know – this community never fails to amaze me. <3 I do see a therapist, and as I (think I) mentioned to Elisabeth, below, we had a set up earlier this year where I would email her in the morning (secure portal and all that) and say what I'd done for *myself* that morning (journal, inspiring reads, etc.). I got out of the habit and definitely need to get back in it. And, I think it goes without saying that we all have our own struggles. I can never know what anyone else is going through, for sure. <3
I love seeing all the great advice and love in the comments. I hope you were able to implement a tiny bit of time to yourself in the morning since you wrote this!
I have been able to – by making it something I just do, like so many people suggested. It helps that I got a journal that “requires” daily journaling x 15 days – so far, 3 days in and actually doing it. 🙂 (And I love the love too…this community is the best.)
It is HARD to break habits!!! I know in Atomic Habits, he says the key is identity. If you can say “I’m a person who really cares about my health” then you’re more likely to form a habit of healthy eating. Or “I’m a person who reads” or “I’m a person who values my morning routine.”
Also, if something is working… don’t try harder, try differently!
I’m a little late commenting, so maybe by now you’ve found a way to tackle this.
This is exactly what I needed to do, Jenny. I finally just said, this is something I DO. And, as I said to Kim, it helps that I got a journal that “requires” daily journaling x 15 days – so far, 3 days in and actually doing it. 🙂
I know it takes longer to build a habit but for me, 3 days of journaling is more than I have been doing, for sure. And it helps, so much. 🙂
Oh Jenny, those tips sound interesting. I always stirred clear of the book because I thought it would be one of. those self help books that. just write what common sense is about habit and we’ve heard a million times but those few phrases make me wonder if there is actually more in there that would be helpful.
That is one of my favorite quotes! I put my phone on do not disturb at night and it will go until I unplug it from the charger in the morning. So in the morning, I try to do MY things, even if that is just eat breakfast, brush teeth, read a few blogs, before I unplug my phone and go back “on call” for the other things in life. I also will sometimes do this during the day, that way even my texts etc. are not bugging me if I want to just take some time for me.
I am pretty good at ignoring my phone during the day, and I charge it away from my bedside. But. I am terrible about picking it up first thing – I listen to podcasts and radio while working out, and since that is my first activity… I am also terrible about reading/responding to emails for work outside of my work hours. It’s like I feel some dumb pressure to respond – even though I know that I can and will respond in the morning, before many of them are even up. 🙂
What a neat reading list (Lao Tzu, David Goggins, and James Clear) just from this post! As you are an academic, it struck me that while the “what” may be obvious, the “why” of it all may be more persuasive? Just a thought :).
Academia can seep into every waking moment (ideas, to-dos, research, anxiety, research-anxiety) so I’m glad you’re recognizing that and taking a stand!
So much truth in this: Academia can seep into every waking moment.
I think it’s hard, sometimes, for non-academics to recognize this. My friends/family certainly don’t get it. (And I admit – I am much worse than most, as I’ve said multiples times on here.) I think this will be an ongoing struggle for me, and I just hope that I can keep moving towards a place of valuing rest more. I preach a good game but I’m (still) not living it. Sigh. Thanks for the encouragement.
Taking time for yourself is so important. My ‘work’ is very different, because I have a daycare in my home. I hope to wake up before they get here to get a long workout in, but sometimes I end up only with enough time for a shorter workout. I try not to beat myself up. I hope you find the right balance. Balance is a great word, isn’t it? I think some of the advice above is solid. I hope you find what works for you. Good luck!
Ernie, not to freak you out, but you’re one of the people I think of when I think of those who seem to take a more balanced approach to their lives. You work hard while still clearly valuing your family-and-friend time, you seek out fun and joy, and you somehow do it all while managing a large household that is either full of tweens-teens-young adults-adults or babies and toddlers. My hat is off to you. (Oh! and you do it while driving that super-intimidating van! :>)
I missed this post…
It is interesting that some habits are so hard to change and other are easily done once you diced to do it. I guess you really love your work?!
I used to be doing lots of work too and always checking mails in the morning and stuff. Going in earlier to get it all done. Only to stay late too because work never gets done. That made me think. about. it. Even if I planned on. going home at a reasonable hour to do something for myself it would not happen because I was exhausted, tired, hungry.
I than changed and started doing something for myself in the morning. Sometimes it was just sipping coffee in silence. Sometimes it was reading a book. Sometimes it would be scrolling instagram. But always something I felt was just for my enjoyment. I never went back on that happy. Sure some days the schedule is tight and it is not happening but most days I do me first. It also sets a. whole different vive for the day because I don’t feel I missed out on something.
I so admire those of you who have made these hard changes in your lives…because even my “daily” journaling got derailed a few weeks ago. It’s sporadic now but I am trying hard. And NaBloPoMo is helping – as I am prioritizing more recent blog posts in an effort to keep up. It’s helping me focus on something other than work for at least a few minutes a day! And I love your approach of doing the things for yourself FIRST. Put on your own oxygen mask first, right? I could learn something from you. 🙂