There’s a difference between being alone – which I am, frequently – and being lonely – which, fortunately, is not something I experience on a regular basis. For me, there is joy in solitude, in being with myself, in the (relative) quiet of my small apartment. I spend time with others when I want to or need to, but solitude is my typical state of being these days. I know that doesn’t work for everyone, though.
I was alone yesterday, on Thanksgiving here in the US. My parents have finally accepted that I can’t travel out East for this holiday, given limitations of my work and teaching schedule. And I have long accepted that I will spend Thanksgiving (and, this year, Christmas) by myself, most years.
Others, though, are appalled, which I find surprising. (One friend said they were “so sad” for me, even though I said this was typical for my holidays. She texted me yesterday to make sure I was okay, which was so nice and appreciated. <3) There are many people who are alone for holidays – I am definitely not an N of 1! (I’m not that special!) Thanksgiving and other holidays tend to be Family Time, which probably drives peoples’ reactions to my solo holidays.
I had a lovely day, though. I didn’t work (much). I read a trashy book. I took Ernie’s advice and went on a walk in the brilliant afternoon sunshine. I made something a bit more special than usual for my lunch. While I missed my family at points, I didn’t miss the noise and the chaos. (There was a lot of chaos per this morning’s report…)
If you celebrated Thanksgiving, l hope you had the day that you wanted to have, whether alone or with others.
Hey, thanks for the shoutout and I’m glad you went for a walk in the sunshine. I feel like fresh air and walking is a sure fire way to brighten any situation. It sounds like you are comfortable being alone and away from chaos. It’s too bad that you aren’t geographically closer to where your family is, but if you are good with being alone then I hope you enjoyed a day without work and stress. Enjoy the rest of the weekend!
I took your (excellent) advice again today, despite the high being a whopping 28. (It was refreshing and helped me separate from a mental hamster wheel and refocus on work, so I definitely felt the benefits!)
I am okay with being alone and not having to fight the crowds at (yegads) O’Hare. I did it for years, and then just said, no more. Plus, my mom’s family get-together is usually ~30 people and that’s a bit much for this introverted introvert. 😉 I hope you enjoyed a happy Thanksgiving with as many of your kids as possible.
Being alone on holidays is a big no for me, but if it works for you, rock on. You get to have a fabulous time tomorrow with your blog friend!
Why yes, yes I do! (And yes, the fleece leggings will be out in force ;>) Already looking forward to it.
Come to my house next year (but be warned— THERE IS CHAOS)
Ha! Be careful what you wish for! (I bet your family has a lot of fun amidst the chaos though…)
I spent many a holiday alone in my single days…and I liked it! I’m not religious, so the holidays were just days off, but they were still special. Today I have a different life and I love our big family parties (still not religious, so that’s what holidays are to me). There’s no “right” way to celebrate a holiday.
Exactly. There isn’t a “right” way for many things, I think. People – families – are so, so different. I suspect we all just get used to how we/our families do things, and so that seems to be the “right” option, if that makes sense? So glad you love the big family parties now! Random question, if you’d be okay answering – how long did it take you to love those gatherings? Did it take time, or was it good from the start?
I’m glad you don’t mind being alone. I think solitude is something that can be really lovely, or really difficult, depending on your personality. And of course one person can feel both ways, too.
Yes, sometimes I definitely want solitude (after a long day of teaching, or meetings, for sure), and other times it’s nice to just be with people. If I can pick the people. 😉
Enjoy the time with Engie (I think?!) tomorrow, and I relate to this: For me, there is joy in solitude. Yes. I love my family and being married and I love my kids, but I do find so much joy in solitude. (Which can be elusive for me some days – haha).
No kidding! I bet solitude is elusive much of the time for you, particularly around the holidays. I can appreciate and enjoy time with others and then heave a huge sigh of relief when I close my door behind me. This frequently happens Mondays when I finally get home after a long morning of teaching and usually a meeting or two, too.
I have been alone for holidays before, and there is something almost ethereal about it for me–as though I’m beyond it all.
I enjoy family and friends a lot, but absolutely delight in alone time as well… I’m so glad you had a good day!
Thank you! Being alone for the holidays is an interesting feeling, isn’t it? I always feel somewhat removed from the chaos that others are dealing with, and I am okay with that!
I think it is awesome that you enjoy your solitude so much! I have been struggling with loneliness the past few years and have found ways to combat it; being alone on a holiday would be difficult for me. But I’m glad it is not that way for you! AND I am glad that you were able to set this boundary with your family and it was respected. Good job, you!
You’ve said that you struggle with loneliness, Stephany, so I am so glad you get to see your family so much (especially your mom!) and that you spend time with all of your communities. You have done an amazing job building a life that works for you. 🙂
Good point that the holiday thing is a boundary… I hadn’t thought of it that way!
I am glad you had a good Thanksgiving! People really do judge others who have a smaller holiday, and it bugs me. Don’t just assume my ideal holiday is what YOURS is (said to general public, not you LOL).
Why do people do that? I mean, really. I’m not saying that you (not you, specifically, but the generic “you” who does this… :>) can’t get together with your large family, but why do you think that I need to do the same. So annoying.
I relate to this so much. I am often alone (ok, alone is relative because I have Jon who’s around pretty much 24/7 – haha), but I rarely feel lonely.
We spent Thanksgiving alone and we also took the opportunity for a walk in the sunshine and it was a good day (even though I wouldn’t have minded to spend it with family).
San, this is it, exactly. And I know what you mean by being alone despite someone else being around/in the house. There is a difference between someone’s presence and spending time with them (i.e. not alone). I would imagine you and Jon circle in different orbits during the day…? And your Thanksgiving sounds like a lovely – and warmer – version of the one I had here.
I hope you get to see your family (ahem, in person, not over FT) for a holiday soon. <3