I had a great post queued (side note: is there a better word to type than “queue”? I would say no…) up for today. And then, yesterday happened. Warning: This post will include political comments, which I have not typically shared here. But the state of our country, the impending sense of doom I feel, and the potential demise of democracy are too much for me to ignore. If this isn’t your thing, or if you strenuously disagree with me, please skip this post.
It’s been a bad week for Democrats, anyone who believes in democracy, anyone who longs for a more equitable society. Up until yesterday, I was actually doing well, for me. I tend to get sucked into political news, especially, and I was fighting against that by listening to audiobooks (a point I will come back to later!) and generally trying NOT to get sucked in. And then yesterday happened. The insane decision handed down by what I consider to be a corrupt Supreme Court has me terrified about what the next five months will bring. I spent the day listening to every story I could on the Post’s app. And I felt myself getting pulled into the idea of “what happens next?” In light of the debate last week, a debacle for which I have no words, the intransigence of the political elites and their refusal to consider any alternatives, and now the prospect of an unhinged felon having untrammeled power if/when he is elected, my brain went to “what can I possibly do?” I admit, it didn’t immediately go to, “Vote”. Instead, I wished for dual citizenship, that I had sought jobs in Canada (I briefly considered it when leaving Philly in 2017). I thought about whether relocating to California would be any help (it’s long been a dream but one I haven’t seriously considered NOW). And I don’t know what to do. I know that for myself I need to step back and I hope to do that today. But oh, long term, I grieve for what could have been. I know there are some of you whose views align with mine, so I’d love any suggestions you have for reframing, for shifting my perspective, for helping me out of this neverending cycle of doomsday news.
TL;DR: I had hope, it’s diminishing rapidly, and I’m seeking any sources of light I can find right now. Thank goodness for all of you and your blogs. I’m more grateful to you than I can say.
Rapidly changing topics! I have managed to take some small steps and break out of my inertia! I took those donations to the thrift shop and saw a friend for lunch that same day. I’m working on my focus during work hours and not responding to emails right away.
And! I’ve delved into books that grabbed me (I am definitely a mood reader) and also started listening to audiobooks. Friends, this has been a life-changer for me. For years, I was adamant that I could not listen to audiobooks. I’d never succeeded before; why would I now? And then! I discovered The Dutch House on audio. Unlike Engie, I liked it. Then I started borrowing more books through Libby. Yes, the library. I put audiobooks on hold. I discovered that nonfiction on audio really grabs me. I found that I could listen to so many more books than I could read. And it’s been so. much. fun. I will probably do a mini-post on the books I’ve listened to thus far, but several have been wow-inducing (Hidden Valley Rd., Sitting Pretty, The Power of Regret…). They deserve their own post. So, thanks to all of you who have advocated for audiobooks and the library. I’m finally – finally – getting it.
I hope to have a better day today. I hope you all are okay. I hope that my political rant hasn’t alienated the small readership I have. I hope you take care of yourselves if you are feeling like me. And again, I hope you know just how much connecting virtually with you all means to me. <3
As long as there is one upright man, as long as there is one compassionate woman, the contagion may spread and the scene is not desolate. Hope is the thing that is left to us, in a bad time. ~ E.B. White
I don’t blame you for feeling this way. I think what is most upsetting me this week is the hubris of Biden to pursue a 2nd term. He is risking supreme court nominations and a whole host of other things. I wish he would step down so a more viable candidate could run. I fear that Biden has zero chance of beating Trump after his terrible performance last week. I mean I get it – my MIL is 81 and I honestly wouldn’t let her care for my 2 children on her own because they are a lot to handle. But caring for 2 small children certainly pales in comparison to running a country!! Gah. I want to have hope but my thoughts about the election are that Trump will probably win (sob) but then we can hopefully be done with him and maybe the Republican party and move from being such a far right party? But that is kind of an unrealistic hope. I just want the Republican party of John Kasick to return.
Anyways, yay for audio books! I don’t listen to audiobooks as I listen to so many podcasts. But Libby is awesome! I exclusively read ebooks from the Libby ap on my kindle. And I use Phil and Paul’s holds so I have 45 holds! It’s wonderful. 🙂 I’m tempted to sign Taco up for a library card so I can have his holds, too, but that seems a bit greedy/excessive. 🙂 And I loved The Dutch House! You should read Commonwealth if you haven’t. That is actually my favorite Patchett book!
Lisa, you are so totally right about hubris, and denying reality, and the whole way they are approaching this. I, too, wish he would have stepped down a year ago. I, too, wish that the situation were completely different. And my worst fear is that Trump will win and establish himself and/or his selected successor as someone who cannot be voted out of office. It’s just terrible, all of it. I feel like we need to start a text support group. <3
Oh! I didn't realize you listened to so many podcasts! I only listen to one, in the morning, while working out (sports-related), but otherwise, now, I'm listening to audiobooks. Here's the thing, though - the last 2 I've borrowed were written so long ago, and were so optimistic about our country and the future and the fact that we "stood for good". I DNF'd one already and am debating DNF'ing the other (Small Wonder, Barbara Kingsolver). Thanks for the rec for Commonwealth! I'll add it to the list! 🙂
I didn’t even know anything happened, I have been in my Canadian Cocoon. I just looked it up and whoa. Canada certainly has its issues and problems but…well, I don’t want to come across as a smug Canadian. I just want all my American friends to be okay and increasingly this seems like it’s not the case. I’m so sorry!
The library is wonderful! I am not an audiobook person but now that you say it, I wonder if I would like nonfiction on audio. Fiction I definitely prefer to read but I listen to podcasts, and so why not listen to nonfiction? It’s something to think about anyway.
I kind of wish I were in a Canadian bubble, too, Nicole. Reality is just so darned depressing these days. It’s been a bad, bad week. 🙁
Nonfiction on audio is a game changer for me. Other than a super-short, freebie, fluffy romance, the only fiction has been The Dutch House and, oh, right, My Brilliant Friend (because it was the only way I could get through it… :>).
Ugh, friend. I thought of you instantly when I heard the news about the Supreme(ly corrupted) Court ruling yesterday because I know that you – like me – can’t look away from the news. What is happening to this country?? I definitely feel the doom. And as much as I don’t want to vote for Biden again (the debate was cringe-worthy) and as much as I disagree with him on some stuff, I know he’s the only choice here. If DT is reelected, I am seriously afraid for this country. As Joy Ann Reid so eloquently posted yesterday: this is about our lives. The GOP wants to go back to the 19th century.
I do have dual citizenship, as you know, but looking at what is happening in Europe doesn’t make me feel any better, tbh.
Of course, I will vote but in a state like CA, my vote doesn’t matter much… as we know there’s only a handful of states that will decide this election (and that in itself is another HUGE shortcoming of the election system. I still don’t understand why nobody has worked to get rid of the Electoral College. Most Americans don’t want Tr*mp. The popular vote has shown this time and time again.)
Please now, I am with you on all accounts. I am also trying to think what I can do to make a difference. I did write postcards during the mid-term cycle – maybe I’ll do that? I let you know if I come up with more actionable items. Hugs.
Cringe-worthy doesn’t begin to describe it. And I wish we were not in this position. I still think back to 2016 and my visceral reaction (nearly vomiting when the news came on at the gym, for real), and that I never thought, then, that it would get this bad. I think it’s worse. Joy Ann Reid was absolutely right – it’s our bodies and our lives, particularly for women. They will do anything in their power to turn back time to… what? A time when no one other than white men could do anything? Sigh. I said to Lisa, I think we need to start a text-based support group. <3
I wondered what your perspective on Germany/Europe was. It's not encouraging overall, is it? The worldwide democracy rating, or whatever it's called, is in its worst state in YEARS. Sigh, again. No one understands or likes the Electoral college, except those in the minority who it keeps in power.
Maybe postcards. I don't demonstrate, so not that. And voting, of course. But it all feels so... futile. Hugs back, my friend.
I got nothing. The decisions the Court handed down were just so terrible.
I’m right there with you, Sarah. Pit of doom. Ugh.
Sometimes I try to trace the start of this madness. I remember going to a Gore rally in 2000 and they were handing out buttons that said “It’s the Supreme Court Stupid” on them and Gore talked about how slim the moderate majority was on the Court. And then Bush v. Gore happened and all I could think about how was Gore was clairvoyant. And then RBG didn’t resign during the Obama years. And I’m still bitter with her. I hope her ghost is FUCKING happy now. Sorry I just swore on your blog. With fear for our democracy, I dissent says Sotomayor and boy do I want to give her a hug right now.
Yes!! Nonfiction audiobooks are my jam. Here are some I recommend. Bad City by Paul Pringle, The Indifferent Stars Above by Daniel James Brown, In the Heart of the Sea by Nathaniel Filbrick. I have not listened to the audiobooks of Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez or Birth by Tina Cassidy, but I bet they’re also excellent.
I know, Engie. 2000 sticks out to me, too. I was voting absentee (travel nursing) and just remember being flabbergasted at the outcome. I mean, what? They could just… STOP IT? And yes, RBG, and the people who refused to vote for HRC because… reasons. I totally agree with Sotomayor but while I value her contributions, I wish they were not needed. 🙁 (Also, no worries re: swearing. I just tend not to unless it’s something really awful, LOL.)
Thanks for the recs! You’d be so proud of me. I’ve borrowed 21 books through the library and DNF’d 3! It’s been amazing. I’ll be posting about them, actually, so stay tuned. You know, eventually. 😉
Ugh, I’ve honestly just had a pit in my stomach since the day after the debate. I didn’t watch the debate because I just COULDN’T but followed all of the news afterward and… we’re in such a shitty position. I don’t think Biden should be running but also… I’m scared that a different candidate won’t beat Trump. And I am TERRIFIED of what this country will look like with another Trump presidency. And with an even MORE conservative Supreme Court. It makes me sick to my stomach.
I’ll be honest: Sometimes I need a break and that’s when I listen to fun podcasts that don’t talk about politics. Or a fun, light-hearted audiobook. I’m really glad you’re listening to audiobooks now! They are a great way to consume lots of books. 🙂
Augh, Stephany, I thought I approved this! So sorry. I cannot believe where we are – half the country supporting a convicted felon who would literally kill democracy as we know it, and the other half kind of sort of supporting the party but starting to coalesce around the idea that hey, we have four months! Let’s decide NOW that the current nominee is too old. And the people who say they refuse to vote for Trump but can’t vote for Biden/the Dems? I just can’t.
I am listening to audiobooks as an escape now – currently Maggie Smith’s You Could Make this Place Beautiful. Sad and heartwrenching, but my goodness, is she a fantastic writer. I tend to prefer history/science nonfiction, but this is definitely grabbing me. Forever grateful to you and Engie for getting me to buy in. Eventually. 😉
Anyway, thinking of you, friend – particularly in FL. Hang in there. <3
I’m trying so hard to not stress out and go into deep depression about the politics in our country. I really want to keep my teeth, and I grind the hell out of them when I’m stressed out. Those people who say that life was somehow better when Trump was president baffle me. I remember those four years as being SO damn stressful. I don’t want to go back to that. Honestly, I’m worried about our democracy. My husband has Canadian citizenship, as he was born there. I’m not sure what that would mean for my daughter and me, if we could work or not.
My daughter came downstairs yesterday and said, “Happy last Independence Day”. SIGH. I keep thinking of Schoolhouse Rock, ‘No More Kings’.
I will vote, and I will write postcards. I wish we would go to a popular vote in this country.
I love audiobooks! I loved The Dutch House! I love my Libby app! I love that I can put a bunch of books on hold, and if they all come available at once, I can just let the next person in line take it, and get it in a week or two. So awesome.
OK, Julie. We HAVE to get together one of these days. We could talk forever, I suspect, about Philly and academia and tooth grinding (bite plate at night since HS!) and politics and books…
I hope that you have an escape route if the worst happens, and can’t help but think about what happens if the worst happens and our democracy falls. That’s when I break out the audiobooks. Or, tbh, the sports podcasts. They can be really distracting, which is really good sometimes.
I need to start actually planning a trip to northern CA. It must happen. You and San in the same vicinity? Sold. 🙂
Take care, my friend.
I see that you’re listening to ‘You Could Make This Place Beautiful’, which I also LOVED. Yay! I mean, sad, but really really good.
I haven’t yet met any of the local bloggers, and I think it would be FUN to have a meetup. Come on out!
Oh, my goodness, Julie – I’m 60% through and started listening on Sunday! Granted, I break Engie’s rule of never speeding up an audio book (2.25x for me, generally), but oh, it is so good. She is an amazing writer.
I need to figure out a trip out to CA… hm. 🙂