Choosing a path

Posted on by Anne 26 Comments

I’m working on the vacation recap, promise. It was a wonderful trip and it’s taking a bit of time to write up. So in the meantime, I’m sharing something that I thought about during my trip. This trip gave me long stretches of time to just…think. To let my mind wander – not think about work, or my to-do list, or anything like that. Just think.

I started thinking about the path my life has taken, really thinking about it. Have you done this? Have you looked back at your path, at the choices you made, and wondered, “What if…?” What if I hadn’t become a nurse? What if I hadn’t gotten married? Or divorced? What if I had never left my previous job?

I usually frame these choices as “choices that I regret”, the implication being that the choice I didn’t make would have been a better one than the one I did make. I say this despite knowing that I love the life I have. This life is a good one. So why regret the choices I made based on what was best for my life at the time? And what about paths that are chosen for us? By a partner’s job. By an unexpected loss. By forces outside our control? The company goes out of business. You get fired. Your rent goes up 100%. Choices that aren’t really choices.

Yet I tend to think that my life path has been the result of the choices I have made. That I’ve had complete agency over that path and where I am now.

The reason this is coming up again, a few weeks after my trip, is that I’m listening to The Midnight Library. I’ll be honest – I almost DNF’d at 5%. I was overwhelmed by the first few chapters. I remembered several of you read it and there were mixed reviews. So I persevered. I am glad I did – it’s the right book at the right time for me. The theme of paths and choices and lives really aligns with what I pondered on my trip. Vacations – if they are good ones, of course – are often a snapshot of an ideal life. But then you come back to real life, and the memories fade, and the joy becomes a memory.

But what if I could shift the path that I am on – the one involving work, and responsibilities, and everything else, to be more like the path that fills me up in my short breaks? It may not lead to another life. But it may lead to a better one. Something to think about…

Several quotes about this came to my attention recently, from a motley bunch of authors…

“It’s about centering on your intention, not conforming to others’ expectations. In the end, the world doesn’t need you to regurgitate someone else’s story. It needs your own epic tale, with all its unique quirks and insights. It’s not just about choosing the path less traveled. It’s about choosing your path. And that makes all the difference.” ~ Ozan Varol

“Life meanders like a path through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall from us, revealing our bare bones. Given time, they grow again.” ~Katherine May, Wintering

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” ~Ursula K. LeGuin

This post feels a bit unfinished. I feel like I should have some big conclusion, some big Life Lesson. But maybe the ambiguity is kind of the point. My life (thank goodness) is moving forward. If I really believe that I have agency over where it goes from here, what I do I do with that? What choices do I make to shift my life to one that fills me up, that brings me joy, that leads me where I want to go? (I have to think that connecting with all of you is one big choice I’ve made recently that has made my life so much brighter, so thank you for that. <3)

What about you? Do you think about your life path? About the other paths that could have been?

(Definitely not) Ten for Thursday

Posted on by Anne 36 Comments

This was going to be a Five for (LAST) Friday post. Then (maybe) a Six for Sunday. Here we are on Thursday – so you’re getting (definitely not) Ten for Thursday. Just a few things that have been happening, that I wanted to share, while I plan out a few upcoming posts.

  1. I left my apartment! For four days! And took a mini-trip! More to come, but it did involve a) being outside, and b) a FLW house, just for Birchie.
  2. I made a savory granola and oh, my goodness, it’s addictive. First time for me, and it will not be the last. I can share the recipe that I adapted if others like.
  3. Contract starts in less than a week (sigh), which means that the emails are ramping up, as is the non-research work. While I said that nothing changes much for me in the summer, well, the truth is, it kind of does. These transitions are always jarring, and the same is true of this year. I am taking on more teaching responsibilities, too, and (gulp) mentoring people? Apparently, they have the idea (or, perhaps misconception is a better word) that I know what to do. This is a change, and it’s a tough one for me.
  4. My reading life has completely changed, friends. And it’s all because of you. I have always said that audiobooks are “not for me”, particularly for fiction. I’ve tolerated them for a few years for nonfiction, but it wasn’t my favorite option. All of that changed with the CBBC read of My Brilliant Friend. I did not love the book (standard apologies to Julie, Engie, and, I think, Birchie?), but I did love being able to listen to the book while doing mindless things. Think swiffering. Who needs to think while swiffering, really? Ditto chopping veggies, which seems to happen a lot in my world. Then I started to use my library account and take advantage of Libby. While the selection at my library isn’t great, it’s started to flow a lot better thanks to filling up my holds list and holds starting to come in. This is going to have to be its own post, but THANK YOU to all of you who have evangelized about audiobooks these last few years. It took me a while, but I am a convert.
  5. Question for those of you who use social media: Are you on Threads? I deleted the other app because of the owner, and while I am on Instagram (and follow many of you there), I would like to occasionally check in on a more text-based app. Thoughts? (The algorithmic “preview” of Threads on IG is kind of drawing me in, which is why I am considering this…)
  6. I thought out my Fall schedule for being on campus vs. being at home, and it is going to be a rough transition. Sarah will appreciate knowing that I was actually demoted from my pay-through-the-nose parking lot to the Flex garage, which a) costs more over the long term, and b) is at the bottom of this long, gradual hill up to my building that is rarely salted/treated in the winter in a timely manner. Like I said, the transition from my preferred balance of more at-home work vs. in-office work is going to be daunting. I’ll stop my griping there, though, because honestly, my situation is pretty darn good. Just… changing.

I hope you are all doing well here in mid (!!!) August. Take care of yourselves, and enjoy the last weeks of summer.

Hope your road is a long one.

May there be many summer mornings when,

with what pleasure, what joy,

you enter harbors you’re seeing for the first time;

~A few lines from Ithaka, by C.P. Cavafy