I hate posting things that are not positive, particularly in this space between the years, but this is where I am right now, and this is one of the few places (virtual and real life) where I can be fully me.

I’m not going to lie – 2024 for me was like being on an endless roller coaster that sped up over the course of the year. A conglomeration of challenges made just getting through seem like a victory. And here I am. So, what is my current state? I think it’s best summed up by Adam Grant’s article on languishing.

The term has been applied primarily to the COVID-19 pandemic, but for me, it describes this season of my life. I just feel…blah. Like I’m getting through the days, often without any particular highs or lows, but just surviving. For me, it seems to be the result of having a lot added to my list without much (if anything) being removed.

At the start of the year, I got tenure (well, I made it over the last “big hurdle”, and the remaining mini-hurdles were mostly pro forma). Which, of course, was amazing. This was an achievement I had hoped to attain in my life as an academic.

Then I found out the reality, which was that tenure = more responsibilities because yay, you’re a senior faculty member now! More committees, students, mentees… and the list goes on. I also added things to my own list, mostly because I dislike turning down requests and/or pleas from fellow faculty members. And it doesn’t help that I dealt with multiple health challenges that persisted throughout the year and will continue into 2025. I also – much to my chagrin – wasn’t able to keep up with blog reading and commenting, which seemed necessary but in hindsight just made me feel more distant from a community that I love and value and want to be engaged with. Spring semester will be even more challenging. My health issues have not resolved, I’ve had classes added to my schedule, and there will be more (there is always more, it seems).

Which begs the question: Now what? This will be a separate (hopefully more positive) post, but I am actively seeking to change my mindset, shift my focus, and think about what matters to me. If this sounds familiar, it’s because I’ve been posting about this since I started this blog. This time, though, seems different. I certainly hope so.

I considered turning off comments on this post, but decided to leave them open. Please know that I am okay, I just need to figure out how to get through and past this stage in my life. Having you all in my life will help me do that. <3

I’m going to leave you with an unusual quote (for me):

When I was young, I believed that life might unfold in an orderly way, according to my hopes and expectations. But now I understand that the Way winds like a river, always changing, ever onward.. My journeys revealed that the Way itself creates the warrior; that every path leads to peace, every choice to wisdom. And that life has always been, and will always be, arising in Mystery. ~Socrates