I hate posting things that are not positive, particularly in this space between the years, but this is where I am right now, and this is one of the few places (virtual and real life) where I can be fully me.
I’m not going to lie – 2024 for me was like being on an endless roller coaster that sped up over the course of the year. A conglomeration of challenges made just getting through seem like a victory. And here I am. So, what is my current state? I think it’s best summed up by Adam Grant’s article on languishing.
The term has been applied primarily to the COVID-19 pandemic, but for me, it describes this season of my life. I just feel…blah. Like I’m getting through the days, often without any particular highs or lows, but just surviving. For me, it seems to be the result of having a lot added to my list without much (if anything) being removed.
At the start of the year, I got tenure (well, I made it over the last “big hurdle”, and the remaining mini-hurdles were mostly pro forma). Which, of course, was amazing. This was an achievement I had hoped to attain in my life as an academic.
Then I found out the reality, which was that tenure = more responsibilities because yay, you’re a senior faculty member now! More committees, students, mentees… and the list goes on. I also added things to my own list, mostly because I dislike turning down requests and/or pleas from fellow faculty members. And it doesn’t help that I dealt with multiple health challenges that persisted throughout the year and will continue into 2025. I also – much to my chagrin – wasn’t able to keep up with blog reading and commenting, which seemed necessary but in hindsight just made me feel more distant from a community that I love and value and want to be engaged with. Spring semester will be even more challenging. My health issues have not resolved, I’ve had classes added to my schedule, and there will be more (there is always more, it seems).
Which begs the question: Now what? This will be a separate (hopefully more positive) post, but I am actively seeking to change my mindset, shift my focus, and think about what matters to me. If this sounds familiar, it’s because I’ve been posting about this since I started this blog. This time, though, seems different. I certainly hope so.
I considered turning off comments on this post, but decided to leave them open. Please know that I am okay, I just need to figure out how to get through and past this stage in my life. Having you all in my life will help me do that. <3
I’m going to leave you with an unusual quote (for me):
When I was young, I believed that life might unfold in an orderly way, according to my hopes and expectations. But now I understand that the Way winds like a river, always changing, ever onward.. My journeys revealed that the Way itself creates the warrior; that every path leads to peace, every choice to wisdom. And that life has always been, and will always be, arising in Mystery. ~Socrates
I’m so sorry to hear this. 🙁
Some periods of life just keep giving blah. I can totally relate (especially recently). And I totally understand about the increased responsibility with its increased workload… not what you needed although your new role is also a positive accomplishment and sign of appreciation (I think?).
These days in rough times I try to tell myself as a mantra “this too shall pass”, and “everything will be ok eventually” because that is usually the case. Hang in there and remember there’s always your support team here in the comment section. Sending big hugs your way!
Thanks, my friend. Having you in my life really helps – you get the burnout thing, and you’ve made amazing changes to your life that continue to inspire me. <3
The new role IS a positive accomplishment and I think reframing it as such is one possibility for helping me see the good and not the frustrating and annoying.
I like "this too shall pass", and another blogger (Nicole @ girlinaboyhouse.com) has a saying, "There will be a time after this." Nothing lasts forever, even when it seems as though it might.
I hope 2025 brings healing (physically), reprieve (practically), and rest (emotionally). I also hope you find ways to set up fresh boundaries around your time. It’s okay to say No, and perhaps this year might need to include more Nos than Yeses?
Elisabeth, I was thinking of you and your year of Shmita and rest as I wrote this post. It really resonated with me – and honestly impressed me. You made a huge change in how you live your life and it seems to have made a difference in how you feel. I’d love to know what helped you get to that point – a book? reflections on your own? your therapist?
I may go back to your original post on the subject to glean some wisdom…but you may also hear from me, seeking some insights on how I can implement similar changes in my life.
Thank you for being here, my friend. It makes a huge difference.
I can relate to “I need to get past this stage in my life”! Let’s just say that 2024 was very helpful in clarifying that a lot of “that stage” is work. It’s fairly easy to step away from life as a corporate accountant, and I think more difficult for folks with more, uh, meaningful work.
All the best as you work through The Stage and to everything on the other side! Hopefully our paths will cross IRL again this year. <3
You are one of my inspirations in all of this, Birchie – you focused on what was not working (literally, ha) and then *made the change*. This is where I tend to slip up. I just… can’t get past those mental blocks. But honestly? I really have to right now. I am hoping that 2025 is a year of positive change for me. I hope we will cross paths IRL again soon.
Oh, my friend, I’m so sorry you’re navigating these challenges, still. Please know I’m here – even when we’re both quiet! – and thinking of you with hopes for what comes next <3
Lindsay, you have had your own challenges, and I so appreciate you sharing them on your blog. It helps me realize that I am not alone. We are both definitely quiet but it really helps knowing you – and everyone else – are here. <3 Hugs, my friend.
Oh Anne, I could have written this post. Our years certainly rhymed with each other. I’m definitely languishing right now, and then I think about the challenges others face and I feel terrible that I’m struggling like I am. But this freaking flare impacts my quality of life so much that it’s hard for me to overcome the pain and the challenges it presents since my children need me to do so many things for them! So I’ve let myself sort of sink into my melancholy feelings – but I want to snap out of it in 2025, but probably not until my surgery is behind me.
I was thinking breathe would be my word of the year for 2024 but I’m thinking of pivoting to light instead. I need more light and lightness in my life in 2025.
Lisa, I could have written your comment on my blog on your blog! (Does that make sense?) I feel like I need to drive up to MSP so we can download to each other. You have so much on your plate – work, work travel, kids, social engagement… I cannot wait until you have your surgery, and I REALLY hope that it is successful.
Breathe is a good one – I am leaning towards “prioritize” or “priorities”. Focusing on what matters. We both need more lightness in our lives – we will get there, my friend. Hugs. <3
It sounds like things are tough for you right now. Sending lots of love your way. Big hugs (I can never remember which friends are huggers and which are not. Are you a hugger? If not, consider it a virtual air hug. Well, I guess all virtual hugs are air hugs in which case this comment makes zero sense.) I leave you to unscramble my weird commentary! The way indeed is like a river. xoxoxo
Thanks, Nicole. I accept hugs, virtual or otherwise, from people who matter to me. You qualify. 😉
The way is like a river… I’ve not heard that one, but life (and the way through life) truly is like a river. Thank you for being here, my friend. <3
Well, if you ever need inspiration on how to say no, don’t hesitate to reach out to me! I’m the biggest fan of not leaving the house and doing the bare minimum at work!
Engie, you were one of the bright spots in my 2024. 🙂 If I need support while saying no, you and Elisabeth are my go-tos.