Drifting back into the blogosphere with a Six for Saturday (although it may be Sunday before I get this finished, edited and posted…). But first, I have to say how much I appreciate you. Yes, you. If you’re here reading, if you’ve read in the past, if you’ve never wandered by my blog before. You have been my lifeline these past 2 months. Your blogs have made me laugh, have reminded me that my life is just one of many. You’ve helped me remember that things that seem Big And Scary often are absorbed into our lives and, eventually, become part of its fabric. My book list has grown tremendously (you all read so many good books!), and my need to travel has been reawakened thanks to all of you sharing your trips near and far.
In short, you’ve kept me engaged with Life with a capital “L”, and I am forever grateful.
(1) I haven’t shared any details of what transpired two months ago now, but I’ll just say that it was a major health issue, that at least part of it was my fault, and that things have significantly improved in the last 6 weeks. It has not been easy, but the care that I received, the treatment plan I am following, and the changes I have made in my life mean that I have more energy and interest in life than I’ve had in a long time. I still have about 6 months, probably, before I can put this mostly behind me. But the end is in sight, and to say that I’m doing much better than I was in early February is a huge (HUGE) understatement.
(2) My perspective on many things has changed – sleep, exercise, taking time away from work (and spending it with others)… I’ve deepened my connection with family, with virtual and IRL friends (and some who are both). I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time reading. I have planned two trips (TWO) for this summer. These are all good things. Really good things. I feel like I am waking up after being asleep for about a year. I didn’t realize how bad things had become until I was literally stopped in my tracks.
(3) And now? Well, now I am feeling the call of spring. The need to clean out. To get rid of things that are not (sigghhh) “bringing me joy”. I get a daily email from Flying Edna (a small, two person art and poetry shop that I have written about before) and today’s quote (they’re quoting women as it’s women’s history month) was from none other than Marie Kondo: “Keep only those things that speak to your heart. Then take the plunge and discard all the rest.”
(4) But I have to say that it’s not just my closet and my bookshelves that are being cleaned out. I’m starting to wonder if I’m in the beginning twinges of a midlife crisis. Or something. I have been here for eight years now – an eternity in my adult life! I have only worked at one other place as long as I’ve worked where I am now. I left that job and jumped to one I should NEVER have taken. Never ever. So while my feet and my brain are getting a bit antsy, I’m also reluctant to change anything given that previous experience. I’m also not sure what I want, which is… surprising. I love (well, have loved) what I do. Am I getting itchy feet because I am feeling stuck? I have a ton of manuscripts that need to be submitted for publication, which is always anxiety-producing. Is that what is making me feel this way? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am starting to think about other options, other lines of research, and maybe even other careers. I might as well explore, right? (While yes, getting those manuscripts finished and submitted and, universe willing, accepted…)
(5) That, of course, begs the fun question of Where Would I Live if I Could Live Anywhere? (Note: this is not possible, given my “skillset”, but it’s fun to dream…) I would love to live in Europe, but the whole ‘job’ thing is a challenge. Not that there aren’t universities in Europe – but that those universities don’t usually hire people like me. In the states? I’d head West, almost certainly. I spent some time in Seattle earlier this month, and was reminded of how much I love that city and area of the country. Again, though, that pesky job thing (and the cost of living…). California and Oregon (well, western Oregon) are on my list, too. I am afraid that given the current challenges in higher ed, I’ve missed my chance, at least for a few years. This is all just speculation at this point, but I know I’ll be moving eventually so it’s not a bad thing to consider where that might be.
(6) Finally, I am getting back to my actual life. I’m working again – nearly back to what I was doing before things went off the rails. I am planning for summer and trips and work. I am looking forward to an unexpected but SO fun blogger meet up in June, and maybe another one in August if all works out. I’m back to grumbling about the Parking Situation at work (here’s hoping next year’s lottery is more favorable to me and to Sarah…) and griping with my coworkers about the interminable Friday afternoon meetings. Getting back to normal also means that I am doomscrolling more than I should be, and fretting about the state of the world, and worrying about my friends who are at risk of losing their jobs, and… yeah, all of that. I’m doing that, too.
I hope you are having a good weekend, wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Know that I am thinking of all of you – seriously, ALL of you – and I’m grateful to have you in my life. <3
Anne! I had no idea you had a health issue that was so significant. Actually I had no idea you had a health issue at all. I’m so sorry you’ve been so ill. My goodness, it sounds terrible. I am glad you are on the mend.
My heart leaped when you said you were booking a trip, I was hoping you’d come up north with Birchy to see me! She’s coming at the end of July for a visit! I know you two are in a similar part of the world and thought…maybe? But it sounds like it’s something else, darn.
As for the career path, why not explore! Who knows what will come of it. I wish you all the luck in the world. xo
I didn’t share widely about the health issues, but now that I’m past the worst part (good grief, I hope so…) I feel like I can share more, if that makes sense? It was part me, part my body, and it made me realize that I really needed to make some changes in how I live my life. (Like listening to you and everyone else who pointed out that my life was not sustainable without breaks and sleep and doing things other than work…:>)
I would LOVE to visit you (and let’s be honest, Rex). The PNW is probably my favorite part of the country, and I have such wonderful memories of visiting BC when I lived in Seattle, long ago. You’ll be the first to know when I figure out a way to make it happen!
Exploring is definitely the best approach for the career musings… that, and reminding myself of why I like what I do now. 🙂
I’m so glad to see an update from you on the blog, and so happy you’re getting back to life. What you said about feeling like you’ve woken up after being asleep for a year says it all. After a health crisis, I think it’s normal to want to do something new, make changes, move on, whatever that may be, and it’s a good thing. Decluttering and making new priorities are great and important things! Your thoughts of other career options sound exciting – as far as I know you’re younger than me? You have plenty of time to explore if you have such possibilities.
Big hugs to you!
I’m happy to be getting back to life, too. I knew something like this would happen, honestly – I was far too focused on work, I was not sleeping, etc. etc. etc. All of the (excellent) comments I’ve gotten here over the years about life being so much more than work finally hit home, I think. And it seems to have coalesced into this all-out review of my life, what I am doing with that life, and what else I *could* do if I wanted to. I’m not that much younger than you, honestly, but my life is very different. I still think there is plenty of time to explore (particularly if I will be working for another 25+ years). Why not see what else is out there? The challenge is that I am not creative, like you. So what can I do that leverages my nerd-like tendencies, other than what I do now? A big question that will take some time to answer.
Hugs back… I owe you an email. 🙂
I was so excited to see a new post from you! I hope you’re feeling better and I hope that you do stick around here! Don’t leave me!
Not leaving anytime soon! We shall have plenty of time to nerd out together. 😉 But eventually, the winters will kick me out.
I am so glad to hear that you are doing better. You had mentioned a serious health issue earlier so I have been worried about you. I can relate to a health issue stopping you in your tracks! I’m glad you are in a much better place. And I am delighted that we have plans to meet this summer!! Yay!!
We will stay in Minneapolis until we retire/the kids are done with school. But it’s fun to dream about where we might live. I do not want to live in Mn all year. I would spend summer/fall here and winter/spring elsewhere. Phil is not someone who likes to have hypothetical conversations so we don’t talk about it. But it’s fun to dream. Although the warmer destinations are political dumpster fires… so there are some places that I refuse to live in!!
I know that you can relate, Lisa. I’m just glad that this is treatable and that I will be in a much better place when all is said and done. I cannot wait until June! Time with my brother AND time with you – it couldn’t get any better!
Isn’t it fun to dream? Phil’s lack of interest in hypotheticals is so interesting to me – I sometimes feel as though my life and my work revolve around them! So much of research, and figuring out the next step, is asking “Why?” and “I wonder…?”
Oh, and you’re not the only one with lines on the map. I have places I will NOT go – even if the weather would be better for my health. It makes it hard when you have to exclude more than half the country, doesn’t it? Sigh…
Hi Anne,
I am glad to see an update from you.
I immigrated to the US back in the early 2000s, but now I am itching to move to Europe. I will have 26 years of work ahead of me but would love to retire in southern Spain or France. I have two kids that will need to be out of the house before I can do that – unless they come with me 😉
Southern France is just glorious – spent a month there in high school (yes, I was Very Lucky) and oh, it is wonderful. I would go back in a heartbeat.
I wish I were in a (financial) place to consider moving abroad – now or in the near future. Alas, that will probably not happen. A girl can dream, right? 🙂
Oh Anne, I love this update. I’m going to quibble with you about the “part of it was my fault” on the health stuff – obviously I don’t know the details but no one chooses to have a bad outcome with their health.
Yay for the trips and the blogger meetups! We are a pretty fun group.
Sheesh I have no idea what I want either, and yes it makes me feel stuck. I don’t have the solution but I have the problem. I haven’t figured out what I’m doing with work, but I’ve started to plan trips for myself and that it making me very happy. I can’t afford to live in the Bay Area and I wouldn’t want to because my family isn’t there, but I get to “live” there for a week in May. If all goes according to plan I will spend a full month in Canada this year, spread across multiple trips. I’m not sure what else I’m going to get up to but it has crossed my mind that there are a lot of lighthouses in WI/MI that I haven’t seen yet so I might very well be stopping back in your neck of the woods.
Lighthouse trip! Lighthouse trip! (Also, I will text you – I am going to be driving right by you in May and hoping you might be around???)
Well, honestly, I did get into a terrible downward spiral, health-wise. The question is whether the same issues will recur. I still have a lot of hurdles to get over, but getting closer!
I’m glad I am not the only one who is stuck. My challenge, though, is a) I’m single, b) I need to work (and don’t get me wrong, I love my job), and c) I can’t put myself into an unstable situation, if I can help it. So, yeah. Not going anywhere anytime soon. But I can dream, right?
I love your idea of trying places out by visiting. This is why I wish I had actual time off – I spend a lot of time with my family, which is great, but it does limit the *other* trips I can take. (I am plotting, though, to see if I can swing a CA trip in the next year…)
Oh, let’s move to Europe! I would love to live in Paris, maybe…but maybe even more in the French countryside. I can’t figure out how to get a job that would take me there, and I don’t speak French, and living in a country where I don’t speak the language as I get older and am likely to need more healthcare does not sound smart as I approach 60, but I enjoy daydreaming.
I’m so sorry that you have had a health scare, but glad that it has gotten you back on track. Better than it getting worse and killing you, right? Sorry, that got dark fast. But my point is, I am glad that you are feeling better and working on getting a better balance in your life.
I need to declutter my house. There is way too much shit around here that gives me no joy, but I think…Might it give me joy in the future? Which is a ridiculous way to think and I need to cut it out.
Let’s get a pied-a-terre in Paris, and a country house in the south of France. Does that work? Best of both worlds, for sure. 😉
I wish – seriously – that I could shift to a university in Europe or Canada. I was giving serious consideration to applying to a position in Saskatchewan. You know things are bad when… Sigh.
Well, honestly, Julie? I had the same thought about my health issues. There were some…let’s just say some tense moments there for a bit. I’m glad I’m past that – as far as I can tell. At least for now. I can’t backslide too much, so will be pretty focused on this for the next little while. I promise not to blather on about it too much, though.
I just got bins from IKEA – they are perfect for straightening up my bathroom, which is giving me hives, it’s so cluttered and disorganized. It is most definitely NOT bringing me joy! 🙂
I am so glad to see a post from you! (With no pressure for additional posts.) What a relief to hear that things are improving on the health front. I’m sorry you have had such a rough go of it. What fun plans to look forward to, though!
If I could live anywhere but here I might choose Sweden? Well, except I’m not crazy about the local food. Switzerland, perhaps? Not sure. I read an article recently that said Dutch people are super happy, so maybe the Netherlands???? I need someplace with good food (or access to good ingredients), beautiful outdoor spaces, four seasons, and sunshine.
Oh, I will come with you to Europe, Suzanne. In a heartbeat. I even like Swedish food, lol. I spent time on the French/Swiss border YEARS ago in a town that Kyria visited recently (Annecy). That region is fabulous because of the seasons, the access to mountains, the food, the people…the bread. 🙂 I am also tempted by the British Isles but need to do some more exploring there before I put them on the list.
I am glad to be feeling (mostly) better. Some days are still rough – today was not great – but more good days than bad right now.
So sorry to hear about your health scare but glad you are on the mend. And that it is treatable.
I think it is perfectly fine to dream and built a new future. Even if nothing will be put in motion it shows that you like where you are and if not you know what steps to take to get to your dream.
Thanks, Tobia. It is treatable, just takes a while. I’m hoping to be mostly back to myself by the time the fall term starts. Fingers crossed!
Thank you for saying what I hadn’t been able to articulate – I can explore but I don’t HAVE to change what I do, particularly if I find that I still love it! I have a bunch of notes on my computer from various years with titles like “who do I want to be?” and “what do I want to do?” It will be interesting to peruse those and revisit myself from 10+ years ago. 🙂
Like everyone else, I am so glad to see a post from you. <3 I am sorry that you've been dealing with such a significant health issue and I hope you are on the upswing from it. It's terrible to deal with stuff like that AND feeling like you contributed to it. I feel that way with my possible diabetes diagnosis. Sure, it may be genetics but it could also just be due to my really poor diet and that feels AWFUL to think about! Like hello? Be an adult and eat your veggies, Steph! Argh.
I have a hard time thinking where I would like if I could live anywhere. I would like a place where I could enjoy all four seasons without a really rough winter. Maybe North Carolina?
Stephany, thank you so much for this. <3 I am sorry that you also feel like you did something to [bring this on/make this worse]. 🙁 That said, past actions can't be changed but current and future actions can. And I see so many - seriously, SO MANY - positive changes you are making in your life - I hope that I am doing the same. It's hard - not going to lie about that. The mental struggles are real, but I also know that if I do not change, then I will be right back where I was, and that was Not Good. One big plus has been seeing my students in person again. There is a wonderful energy when we are able to meet in person, and that is keeping me going during the long days.
NC is lovely - particularly in the spring. I would not recommend WI for you, although I'd love it if you lived nearby! 🙂