I’ll apologize in advance for a short post that’s potentially a bit of a downer, but this is top of mind this morning and it seems I’m sharing things more frequently here, so…
Have you ever held someone to a standard, and been disappointed when they didn’t live up to your expectations? (Why do I suspect that is a rhetorical question? Perhaps I should ask if there are any unicorns out there who have never been disappointed by someone else…?)
It happened to me yesterday, and it was hard to swallow. I expected one outcome and got something completely different. Were my expectations too high? Maybe. But then again, maybe not.
Whatever it is, it’s hard.
I’ll be honest, quotes about disappointment are pretty much a bummer across the board, but this snippet (no attribution from the source I used, but if I find one I will add it) stuck out to me: Don’t lower your standards, but do remember that removing your expectations of others is the best way to avoid being disappointed by them.
And after all of that, I’m still going to wish you a happy Tuesday, that it is a good day in your world (peppermint mocha coffee creamer, anyone?), and that you end the day content with your place in this world. <3
I feel like my husband could answer yes to that, about me. I work part time for him and feel like I am never doing enough. It’s mostly in my head – he’s been very thankful and giving me lots of words of affirmation.
But for me, this happens the most at work when people don’t do their job. And it’s like… how can I lower my expectations there? IT’S YOUR JOB. LOL but really *cries*
The work example is definitely a situation in which I could not lower my expectations. I imagine it’s the same for you. The thought in the back of my mind is always, if I hold this person to the same standard, they will eventually measure up. The challenge, of course, is when they don’t get there. In that case, I think I’d have to hope that others recognize their inability to do what they need to do and take action to, um, rectify the situation. 😉
I bet Steven appreciates everything you do for him and his company. Truly. 🙂
“that you end the day content with your place in this world”– this is lovely.
Thank you. <3 I hope there is some contentment in your world at the end of your busy days.
My husband and I have a debate about this. For example, I am very much looking forward to an event we have purchased tickets for in December. I have looked up a lot of information about the event, the musicians involved, what the seating arrangements are, and am super excited about it. There is an expectation on my part that it’s going to be awesome. And if it’s awesome, that’s great! I had a great time thinking about it beforehand AND it was a great event. My husband keeps his expectations minimal and then he’s pleasantly surprised if something is better than baseline fine. I do not understand this way of thinking. I had fun before and during. At best, he has fun during. What kind of life is this?
I apply this to my dealings with people. I assume competence and good intentions. If they let me down, oh, well. At least I don’t assume all people are dumb and mean all the time! So, I mean, sure, sometimes you’re let down by people, but isn’t that better than living like they won’t?
I think I’m closer to your perspective than Dr. BB’s, to be honest. I do a lot of pre-work when I’m planning to go to an event/activity. Some of it, admittedly, is trying to calm my anxiety about actually doing something (LOL). But a lot of it is knowing what’s to come so I can truly enjoy it.
I always (until shown otherwise) assume that others can do what I ask them to do, and that they are not avoiding the work/me/etc. But when shown otherwise? Then things change.
I just heard a quote a few days ago: Forgiveness is giving up the hope of a better past. Not quite the same thing you’re describing, but I thought it was SO profound.
Oh, I love that one, Elisabeth. Wow. I can’t believe I haven’t seen it before. Thank you for sharing. <3
Sigh, yes, I can relate and I don’t think that there is a good pithy quote out there to summarize this or make it better. I’m sorry that this happened to you.
It happens, and it’s not that I am surprised every time (sometimes, I have an inkling that someone may not live up to my expectations). But when it actually happens it is so disappointing. I’m sorry you can relate. 🙁
I prefer to expect competence and kindness at least, and hope that I am not being naive. I’m sorry you were disappointed in your expectations. 🙁
Disappointment comes with the territory; I was just hoping for much more in this particular encounter. Such is life, alas. And now I know to temper my expectations with this particular person.
I am very much like Engie… I usually have high expectations and expect the best from people and situations. Have I been let down? Oh yes, lots of times and it sucked but I don’t know how to lower my expectations (I guess)… I’ll just have to deal with the disappointment (or try to avoid situation where I KNOW I am going to be disappointed, but you don’t always know that beforehand).
Yep. I don’t think I can NOT have expectations – particularly in my job. In this situation, it was almost shocking that the person didn’t live up to them, though – one of those instances where it completely catches you off guard. I think those are the hardest to deal with?
I tend to have a lot of expectations of people, mostly to live up to a very secret ideal I have in my own head and then when they do fulfill that secret ideal, I get very grumpy about it and convinced they don’t really like me. It’s something I spend a lot of time in therapy talking about, lol. I struggle with this a lot!
Oh, that’s so interesting, Stephany. I haven’t gotten to the point of thinking that when others don’t live up to my expectations, it’s because they don’t like me. At least not that I’ve recognized. I’ll have to pay more attention. Interesting that it comes up in your therapy sessions – mine are more focused on my occasionally paralyzing anxiety, LOL.