I’m not going to be able to put up the longer post on the roads I’ve traveled, but I hope to get to that this week. It really is such an interesting idea, to me, at least.
But I’ve been thinking last night and this morning about short- and long-term regret. I sometimes regret things that happened far back in my past – e.g., how I approached my college years, the groups with which I was involved, and that kind of thing.
I also have short-term regrets. Today, I have some regrets (or, maybe, have had some second thoughts?) about how I led a particular segment of my class discussion yesterday. I often revisit my approach and my interactions with students later in the day, and I came away regretting several things I said, how I’d engaged one particular student in the discussion, and the fact that we spent more time in a rabbit hole than was probably needed.
The thing is, until I receive my evals, I have no idea how students perceive these discussions and interactions. I like having positive, productive relationships with my students (fyi, this is a VERY small class, so I interact with each student individually in and outside of class). And I want to be sure that what I say supports those relationships.
So it’s hard. I think this is a function of who I am as a teacher, and who I am as a person. Social anxiety + wanting to help my students think deeply about what we discuss in class and how it will be important in their future work = a lot of perseverating. I don’t know that I will ever be one of those professors who leaves a class session and just…leaves it behind. I’m always going to want to do better, which I think is good. I just wish it didn’t come with a side of regret and second thinking.
(and before you mention it, yes, The Power of Regret is on my TBR for break. :>)
Today’s quote, courtesy of Matt Haig and Notes on a Nervous Planet: “You are you. The past is the past. The only way to make a better life is from inside the present. To focus on regret does nothing but turn that very present into another thing you will wish you did differently. Accept your own reality.”
Have a wonderful Tuesday.
I’ll take a raincheck on your roads post if you want to write it! I struggle with wanting to write more in general, but sometimes when I start writing it just doesn’t turn out and I end up scrapping it. I think my favorite posts in NaBloPo were Stephany’s week in the life. I want to do that…but also I don’t know if I have what it takes to do that. We’ll see.
The problem with regrets is that we can’t go back and change the past, we can only make better decisions in the present and future. It’s easy to say, but I spend more time than I should stewing over things that happened yesterday.
I do the exact same thing, Birchie – starting to write and then realizing that it’s nothing that I can or want to share. Writing shorter, more frequent posts is fun but challenging, for sure.
I suspect most of us spend more time stewing over yesterday vs. looking forward to the future. There were a lot of things affecting my life that were outside my control, but there were a lot of things that were very much within my control, and I know I would make a different choice now.
I think if I had become a teacher, I would be exactly the same way, Anne. I’d want to make sure that how I approach students is the best way possible…. I did a lot of tutoring in College and you know what the hardest part is (rhetorical question, I am sure you know!): every student is different and needs a different approach and sometimes it takes time to figure out what that approach is…. I think it’s fantastic that you’re even thinking about this. I am sure there are many teachers/professors who just “do the lecture” and don’t really think that much about how it’s received by different students.
I like to think that I have a good approach to working with students, but sometimes – this week in particular – I start to question myself. Ok, well, if I’m being honest, a lot of the time I start to question myself. It can be hard, not knowing how my feedback and interactions are received on the other end. That’s true of any relationship but there is something different in the relationship between teachers and students.
Oh, I felt this in my heart! I, too, ruminate on interactions and how I could have done them differently knowing what I know on the other side. But, that quote lands equally hard because being present in the present is where life happens. I am so awkward with people at times that I regret interactions before they happen, if that makes sense! I probably make my own awkward moments because of that.
Oh, that makes complete sense, Lindsay! I do the same thing, particularly in worrying (fretting may be a better word…) about future interactions. I’m already worried about a meeting tomorrow morning. Sigh.
I wish I were someone who could focus solely on the present, but alas, I don’t think that is the case…
Ah, regret. It is so unsettling and impossible to fix or correct. It can do damage. Does that mean I steer clear of it? Well, no. Just yesterday my guy got all twisted about a parenting thing I did that I wish I hadn’t done. It’s small and probably the child involved has never thought of it again. I can only imagine how regret impacts your lectures and interactions with students. I should probably check out that book.
That’s the thing – I perseverate about this stuff (as, it seems, we all do) and yet, the person or people with whom we were interacting, or who were also affected by our actions/words, probably hasn’t thought about it since. So interesting. Humans are weird. I am hoping to read the book over the semester break… it’s been on the list for a long time!
I teach at the high school level but I am in a similar boat. I truly, truly want their experience in my class be good. I truly care about them, and how the information is presented and unpacked. I ask myself “what if I were the student in my class?” It doesn’t mean that we don’t grind and just sing songs and play games, no. But I think I want them to feel loved and cared for in my class. And they will do the rigorous work I have prepared for them.
Daria, you really get it. I want them to learn, for sure, but there is an important personal component to my relationships with my students. They’re all different – and they are all very much student-professor relationships – but having that connection, in some way, is so important for me. And you, clearly.
I think the fact that you do think deeply about how your students are receiving your instruction shows that you are a good teacher and your students likely have a positive experience in your class! I think it’s good to think about what we can do better next time – obviously, not obsessively, but just in a way to better ourselves.
What a good point, Stephany – thinking about it but not *obsessing* about it is what’s important. That’s even more important for me (and maybe you?) – since I do tend to fixate and ruminate on things longer than other people.
This mindfulness about the student-professor relationship is so simple and beautiful: “I like having positive, productive relationships with my students.” I will remember this the next time things get gnarly or testy. Thank you.
Thank you, Maya. I was thinking this in class yesterday, as the students navigate final papers and final exams and the dreaded last weeks of the semester. I spent some time trying to build them up and remind them of why they came into the program in the first place. I like to think it helped, a bit. 🙂