“What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our mind.” Buddha
I have been thinking a lot about #6 on my “Lessons Learned” post from the other day – the one about just because you can hold a grudge (like a champ, I might add), don’t.
I had a … falling out, let’s call it, with a lifelong friend several years ago.
At the time, I perceived some of what she said and did as attacking me. Questioning my choices. Challenging me in ways that I did not want to be challenged. Add to that the fact that our lives had diverged substantially, and I felt we had so little in common that I let this episode be the catalyst for backing off.
Way off.
We used to speak weekly. I think I have spoken to her once, maybe twice, in the last year.
This was someone with whom I grew up, shared all the trials and tribulations and joys of childhood and adolescence and college. Yes, we had – and have – very different lives, but we were always able to at least talk, and be curious about what the other was doing.
Over the last year, though, it’s become more and more apparent to me that what I was doing was not loving. It was not kind. It was not building the life – the future – that I wanted. This is one small piece of my future, but… if my overall goal in life is to put more good into the Universe than bad, how was this contributing to that?
Short answer? it wasn’t.
So I (eventually) reached out. Wrote a card. Put myself out there a bit – while still acknowledging that we might never get back to what we were. But letting her know that I missed my friend. That I wanted to be back in touch, and that I wanted to see what kind of connection we could establish now that we are (sigh) approaching middle age.
She emailed me – a long email – last night. I haven’t yet read it. I don’t know where we go from here. But I do know that this is one small stone in the path that I am building towards the future. It feels so much better than the grudge I was hanging on to for far too long.