It’s that in-between weekend, and for many of us, it marks the end of the “holiday” week at the end of the calendar year, and the start of the new year. I’m filled with some random thoughts today and thought I might as well get them out so they stop circling in my head…

I’ve had a headache for 3 days running now. I really dislike taking pain meds, but I’m starting to think this beast may force my hand. It’s like there is a clamp on my temples. Sigh. (Update: I caved and took 2 ibuprofen at 2 pm. Let’s hope it helps, at least a bit…)

Which begs the question of… why? I’m certainly not dehydrated. Sleep deprived? Likely. Stressed? Definite. I mentioned that it was a challenging semester, and the academic year is barely half over. I know it’s not going to improve much, either.

To help with the stress, I am going to start building in some actual breaks in my weeks. This includes the possibility of mini-road trips with Engie (YAY!) to some of the system campuses that I’ve never visited. (Most of which, handily enough, are in towns I haven’t visited, either!) I feel like we are channeling Birchie and her Rust Belt Tours^TM with this plan.

It has been gloriously quiet around the apartment complex, since most of the graduate students (about 50% or so of the residents) are on break and likely elsewhere. They’ll start trickling back in next week, but for now I am enjoying the blissful quiet. (That said, the Guy Who Drops The Weights [Argh] is back already. Sigh.)

I did a pick up at Target this morning. I got 2 pints of ice cream and lettuce. Perfectly balanced.

Is anyone else finding and loving Substack newsletters? Many of the people whose email newsletters I’ve been getting for years have been moving to them. I love the audio feature – it’s like the person who wrote it is reading it to me. 🙂

(Skip if you don’t want to think about politics…) Anyone else in the US have a creeping feeling of dread as we move into 2024? I’m probably over-immersed in political news (a chronic problem of mine) and, well, I’m not feeling so great about the state of things right now. It does not help living in a battleground state and dealing with state politics on top of everything else. Sigh.

Doing a complete 180 because I really don’t want to be thinking about politics right now… In Spring, I teach undergraduates, and I love it. It’s a change of pace – and energy! – from Fall. Every year, though, I realize anew that their internal thermostats are completely different from mine. I was reminded of this at Target this morning, where the person ahead of me on the escalator had a hoodie on, and I was in my winter coat, one of my heavier (and older – ca. 1999) sweatshirts, a long-sleeved shirt, a long-sleeved cuddle dud, and a tank top. I also had a hat and mittens on because it’s finally winter-ish here. Last year in class, I was wearing essentially the same thing, but swap the sweatshirt for a fleece, and drop the coat, and a student was wearing a short-sleeved crop top. I mean, what? Are we living in the same reality? Am I really that much colder than everyone else?

And on that note… I may step away from the computer and start the new-to-me Kate Morton book I opened (but then didn’t start) last night. Or, if that’s too mentally taxing, I might shift to a fluffy book. Whichever I choose, I need a break from this screen! Have a wonderful New Year’s Eve & Day. I hope the start of 2024 is peaceful and joyful in all of your worlds.

I hope that everyone who celebrates had a wonderful Christmas that was what you wanted it to be, whether that is a small, quiet celebration, or a large and noisy gathering. And, for those facing hard times (and there are so many, these days, who are), I hope that you were able to find some light and comfort these past few days.

Thinking of those hard times, I feel like I need to acknowledge that the world is very heavy right now, for many people. I try not to get too political on this blog, and I’m going to do my best to avoid that now. What I will say, though, is that my heart is hurting for so many, and that I am wishing for peace for the new year.

That said, the last week has had a few bright spots that have lifted my spirits in what can be a rather chaotic season (particularly when paired with a draconian semester schedule this year…). There were some interesting snafus in there, too, but each of the last 5 or so days has brought a smile to my face for various reasons.

There was the Wednesday lunch that I had with a work friend, preceded by a random 30 minute discussion with said friend and another colleague. These are 2 of my favorite people at work, but we rarely get to just catch up on (mostly) work-related things. This led into a takeout lunch from Jimmy John’s with one of them, where we caught up on life and things on our shared list of “work stuff”, and I was reminded of the joy of a sandwich. This is so goofy, but… I rarely order sandwiches. I don’t know why – I am just more of a “salad for lunch” person. Friends, that little sandwich was such a bright spot in my day.

The next day included a therapy session, during which I recounted some of the month’s bright spot, making that session a bright spot in its own right. 🙂

Friday, though, had a snafu followed almost immediately by one of the brightest spots of the week. I did a drive up order at Target shortly after they opened (the only way I can tolerate Target right before the holidays…), and the lovely Target person put the two bags in the trunk. I went home, had a relatively good day of work, and…realized at 5 pm that I had left the bags in the car all day. Including a container of cottage cheese. (Cue forehead slap.) So, yeah, that’s $3.50 down the drain. But then! I got a random text from my college roomie, checking my advice, which led to a 30-minute text exchange, an update on her kids, and an invitation to come visit them this summer. Which I am seriously considering. That alone would have been a bright spot sufficient to light the whole weekend. Never underestimate the power of reaching out on someone else’s day/life.

And Saturday brought lunch with an old friend in the area, during which I laughed as hard as I have laughed in, well, months. I needed that lunch, and that time. It just continued the bright into another day.

So yes, there are bits of brightness out there. I’m glad I’m finally recognizing them a bit more, and realizing just how much of a difference they make. And, how much I can do to make that happen. So, yes, I need to schedule the lunch. Respond to the text. Take advantage of random encounters that leave me with a smile for the entire afternoon. A good lesson to take into 2024.

I’ll just leave you with a Charlie Mackesy quote from Instagram (he wrote The boy, the mole, the fox, and the horse, which, if you are wondering, is one of the most heart-touching books I have read, although reviews, of course vary…):

“What are your favorite things?” “Cake and hope,” said the mole. “Hope is the whisper that tells us there’s a light, even in the darkest tunnels.”

I hope you can find a bit of light these days.

I (finally) posted on Instagram this morning, thanking Julie, who shares her world at Thinking about Things, for her lovely gift. She really did a lovely job. And while she did not know it, she sent me down a path of happy memories of a wonderful time in my life. So thank you, Julie.

I haven’t written about my past lives, or the places I have lived, yet. I’m old enough now that there are quite a few. But one of the absolute best was the year and a half I spent as a travel nurse on the West coast.

Keep in mind this was during the original tech boom in the early 2000s (remember, I’m old). I started off in northern California, working at Stanford’s children’s hospital. It was a lovely first assignment, with an apartment in Mountain View that I shared with another travel nurse (a very interesting one, too….). I was close enough to everything in the area that I was able to explore extensively on my weekends off.

I went to San Francisco multiple times, visited museums and historic houses (Filoli was a favorite), Tahoe (where I skied, one of the best experiences of my life), San Jose, and on and on. Yes, traffic was hideous, but it was a time when it felt like we were on the cusp of something wonderful with “the Internet”, and I was living in the heart of Silicon Valley. There was a sense of immense possibility in general, and in my life, as well.

I loved my time on the West coast. I often dream of moving back there, of recapturing at least a smidgen of my full embrace of life as an untethered early 20-something. But, of course, you can’t go back to how things were. Maybe someday I will be neighbors with San and Julie… and maybe not. For now, I’ll drink the Peet’s coffee in my Powell’s mug, and will end the day with a bit of chocolate (because every life needs chocolate, people), and think about how I can recapture some of that feeling in my life here.

A “self” is what we call an entity conscious of its own past and persistence: you are you, made up of your memories (you were you yesterday) and your expectations (you will be you tomorrow). ~Alan Burdick

Take care of yourselves in this busy time, my friends. I hope you are making new memories with those you love.

I feel like I am walking a bit of a tightrope this week. I’ve talked about how challenging the last few weeks of the semester are, when students are ready to check out for a few weeks (or, um, have already done so), so I’m not going to rehash that again. (I’m sure you’re relieved you don’t have to read [or skip] more of my whining…:>)

But this semester there have been added challenges, and that’s added a rather thick layer of “other stuff” on top of my usual slog to winter break. Because I am who I am, this also means that when anything goes even slightly wrong, or even has the potential to, I shift right into catastrophizing. An anxiety spiral. Convinced that the absolute worst outcome is the only outcome, and that I’m going to experience some dire consequence as a result.

I know I’m doing it – even in the moment it starts, I recognize that this is what I’m doing. Stopping it is another matter! Fortunately, none of the worst case scenarios have come to pass, which is a relief. I’ve worked hard at finding joy and smiles despite my fretting, but have had mixed results. This morning, though, I had two bright spots that made me smile. Believe it or not, they came from the news. (I know, right?)

The first was a story in the Washington Post on how cats can learn to fetch, too. Which immediately put me in mind of Stephany and Kim, two major cat lovers. I smiled to myself when I thought about sharing this tidbit with the two of them.

And then, another news story. (I KNOW. I thought it was weird, too…) Apparently, there was an old building in Halifax, NS, that needed to be moved “a few feet” to accommodate a new building. The company had it all set up for the move (which begs the question of, how do they do that? and the related question of, should I trust the structural integrity of a large, old building that was moved from its original foundation? Any engineers are welcome to weigh in…). The building wouldn’t move along the beams they had set up, so the guy in charge sent his wife out to buy up (I am not kidding you) Ivory soap from every store in the area. They put the soap on the beams, which then became slippery enough that the reluctant building moved along. THIS story made me smile because, of course, Elisabeth lives in NS. I do wonder whether this made the news up there, though?!

So, thank you, my friends, for helping me find some bright moments in the slog. (And if you want me to share the stories, let me know! :>)

TGIF, indeed. I hope you have a wonderful weekend – filled with holiday goodness, if that’s your thing! – ahead.

“The way to live a full life is to act quickly. Particularly as you grow older, it’s alarmingly easy to let a year or two (or five) slip by without doing the big things you always felt like doing. You get into a rhythm—not necessarily one you love, but one you become comfortable repeating—and the grooves of your daily routine become deeper and more established. Speed is perpetually undervalued. That doesn’t mean you should feel frantic or rushed. In fact, it’s likely you should eliminate some of the things that make you feel so busy to make space for things you always wanted to do. But it definitely means you should stop letting the days drift by waiting for the moment to be right. Stop acting like there is infinite time. This—the way you are living right now—is your one life.” ~James Clear

This one hit hard, friends. I know I recently included another quote that reminded me that you never know when it will be the last time that you do something. To me, this quote (from James Clear, whose newsletters really hit home for me most weeks), is kind of the other side of that coin.

In some ways, we DO get to choose the last time that we do certain things. When we move, for example, or start a new job. There will always be a “last day” somewhere.

But what hit for me in this quote is the admonishment not to hold on tight to the way things are now, but to actively (and, if you go by the first sentence, quickly) make changes to our routine lives. As part of my reflections recently, on how I got to where I am, it’s occurred to me that I am definitely not who I used to be. This was also brought home by Julie, who posted a map of where she has been in the US. I got a ridiculously high score, mostly because I have lived in several states on both coasts and 2 in “the middle”. But I’ve stayed in or passed through many, many other states. I don’t do that anymore. And I really, really miss it.

I want to travel, but I talk myself out of it (the time! the expense! the unknown!), even though trips don’t have to be long, expensive, or to places that are exotically foreign to this now-Midwesterner. I just need to rip off the darn bandaid. Or, perhaps more practically, get in the darn car and go. I need to make this part of my hopes for 2024. I have a few, but this one needs a spot near the top of the list. Having a purpose – like my trip to Chicago in August to see the van Gogh exhibit – might help.

So, I hope to brainstorm some ideas, starting in January, then figure out what is doable, given my upcoming schedule. I probably should hold myself accountable in some way, so you may be subject to my musings here. Sorry in advance. 🙂

For those of you (ahem, Birchie) who travel more than I do at this point in my life… what prompted you to get out there and go?

Happy Monday. Wherever you are going today – even if it’s “just” to your desk – I hope it is a smooth trip. 😉