While there is definitely joy in life, and in the holidays, I am feeling a tinge blue, as well. It hit me last night how long it’s been since I was able to hug my parents – and how long it will be until I can do that again. I am so grateful they are still healthy, and safe, and doing what they can to avoid getting sick.

But goodness, sometimes you just need a hug.

The same thing happened around Thanksgiving – I was, of course, grateful that my family was safe, and that we’d made the decisions that were right for us. But as Thanksgiving dawned and it was so much like every other day, it hit me just how different things are. I know that’s been, well, 2020, but it is harder around special days – holidays, birthdays, milestones you wish you could celebrate together.

I’ll distract myself with some work today, as well as lots of reading. It’s rather frigid here today, so that lends itself well to a quiet day at home (with, perhaps, a short walk for some fresh air when it “warms up” later). I’ll connect with my parents via email and phone and there may be a spontaneous Zoom connection too. I know we’ll get through this. I know the hugs will come. I know that one day we will be able to celebrate – and appreciate – time with family, friends, and loved ones.

Those thoughts keep me afloat, and remind me that even with the tinge of blue shading my joy, there is still joy to be found. It just looks a bit different right now.

I know, I know, I used joy in the last subject, too. But, well, I think we could all use a bit of joy in our lives right now. 2020 has been… yeah. We all know how it’s been. But I’m determined to see it out with a bit of joy, a lot of light, and a celebration of what was and is to come.

After I wrote my last post, two surprise packages delivered a bit of holiday cheer… My parents sent me a little (fake) tabletop tree that makes me smile every time I look at it, cheesy though it is. And a longtime friend sent me an amaryllis bulb, which I hope to a) not kill, and b) see bloom in a few weeks. Wouldn’t that be a lovely start to 2021?

A few days ago, when I was pulling up some music on YouTube to start my morning (a typical occurrence), I somehow stumbled on #GlobalOdetoJoy. It’s wonderful – there is a 6 minute or so compilation of the “socially distanced choir” singing Ode to Joy, accompanied by the Vienna Symphony. That, though, led me to this:

Remember flash mobs? They had a brief blip of popularity a few years ago. This one made me choke up this morning. The best part about it is watching the kids’ reactions to the music. The joy on their faces… let’s just say it made my morning.

As Hermann Hesse said, “Do not overlook the little joys.”

I hope you are finding some joy and light this season, as we emerge from the darkest time of the year and tilt, ever so slowly, to the light.

I am not a religious person, but grew up celebrating Christmas. I’ve always found solace in the pause that occurs from Christmas to New Year’s… that break before we all take a deep breath and plunge into the new year, with all its possibilities.

I’m missing that this year – I don’t decorate, since it’s just me and I don’t really see the point. I get my fill of Christmas when I visit my parents, who still put up a large (now-artificial) tree, play Christmas music all month, and just generally go all out. I never felt like I needed to because, well, I always get it from them. Oh, I’ve had trees in the past, and played my own music, but, well, there’s something about being in the home where I grew up, where time seems to stand still.

And I don’t have that this year, of course. Like so many, my travel plans have been stymied. But… but but but. I have not lost someone close to me to the scourge that is COVID-19. I have not experienced the unimaginable losses that so many are dealing with this holiday season.

So while I’m sad that I won’t get my usual Christmas “fix”, and I miss my family terribly, I’m also grateful to be able to stay in my safe home, and cobble together some semblance of Christmas for myself. I’ll virtually connect with my family (as we do every week). I’ll seek my own joy and light.

Finding the joy and light where I am… seems like a good thing to continue, doesn’t it? I hope you are able to find joy and light in your life right now. As awful as this year has been for so many, perhaps sending it out with joy, light, and peace is a way to turn the page. To move forward, into what I hope is a brighter future.

“If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it.” ~ Mary Oliver

I find myself in a wonderful mood this morning, something that I know I need to grab onto with all of my strength. They don’t come often. I mean, I’m not usually in a BAD mood, but I have a steady mood. I don’t experience many highs and lows.

When I have a day like today, when I’m smiling for seemingly no reason, I always try to figure out why. What could I do to replicate this more frequently? The answer is usually that I slept well, that I had a good but not too hard workout, that I have a busy but not impossible day ahead of me… the usual things, in other words.

What gives me pause, though, is that external events also seem to influence my mood. I’m sure that mine, today, is bolstered by the Electoral College voting (finally) yesterday. I had been holding my breath until that day, and now that it is past, with minimal disruption, I feel as though I can exhale a little.

Which begs the question… does my good mood, does my joy, depend on external factors? Shouldn’t it all come from within?

Kind of to my surprise, my answer was, why shouldn’t external events influence my mood? I live in the world, I pay attention to what’s going on (for the most part), I am invested in it. Isn’t that part of what it means to be a person on this earth, in this society? I think the important thing is that I not let my mood, my day, my approach to life be completely derailed by external factors over which I have no control. Yes, they’re important, but they’re not everything.

So today – I’ll take my good mood to my (many, many meetings). I’ll work to maintain it throughout the day. And I’ll enjoy being surprised by the joy I feel bubbling up in me on this random mid-December day at the end of this pandemic year.

Life is such an interesting mix of change and stability, isn’t it? I was thinking about this this morning, as I contemplated the end of yet another semester. (Side note: how on earth do they go so fast? Every semester seems interminable at the beginning, then it’s like the days and weeks go into warp speed and before you know it, you’re entering final grades, again. Anyway…)

My life is such an interesting mix of change and stability. I suspect most peoples’ lives are like this, but it becomes even more evident for me at this time of year, when the end of the semester approaches. My life is built around the academic calendar, not the Gregorian calendar. To me, the year starts in mid-August, when faculty ramp up their prep for the start of a new semester, and the new students arrive on campus. There is an excitement in the air that I suspect most people feel in January – a feeling of new beginnings, anticipation of new relationships, learning new things, discovering new paths in life.

And every year I am blown away by just how much I learn and grow each semester. Every group of students – every conference and presentation – offers a treasure trove of new ideas to contemplate. Every class that I teach provides me with unparalleled opportunities to learn from my students. Experiences – even those I dread ahead of time – nearly always lead to at least one revelation. Although I will say that the one piece of my life that doesn’t lead to these revelations is the endless meetings… but I digress.

Yet there is so much stability to my life, too. Most of my job – the responsibilities, the projects, the studies – provides the solid foundation that I need to explore all the new ideas, new knowledge, new ways of thinking. Maybe the details change year-to-year, but the core remains unchanged.

One of the reasons I love this life so much is that it allows me to recapture how I felt growing up – I had the solid foundation of a supportive and loving family, a stable home. Yet I also had so many opportunities to grow, to learn, to change my way of thinking. That combination is so important to how we grow and develop as humans, and I know how lucky I was to have it in abundance.

So as the end of the semester approaches, I’m thankful, again, for the opportunity to have a life where my curiosity, my need for learning, are also supported by the stable foundation of the rest of my job and my life. It’s what keeps me going, what motivates me to bring my all to each class, each project or study or initiative. I’m off to teach my last class of the semester, where I will (once again) thank the students for teaching me so much. And I’ll start looking forward to what I will learn when things ramp up again in January. Change and stability…