Well, a new *virtual* home, anyway. If you’ve been here before (and thank you, if you have – I truly appreciate everyone who reads), then you’ve probably realized that I made the jump and switched from Blogger to WordPress. It’s been… a process. A learning process. And a humbling one. Nothing like making a change like this to help you realize just how much you don’t know.

But… I’m glad to be in a more customizable, more accessible virtual space. I never thought I’d get to this point with this blog – it was just a way to have conversations with myself, essentially, in a virtual space. An extension of my written journal, in a way. But then I started reading other blogs, and (eventually) leaving comments, and finding out just how valuable a virtual community can be, in addition to the community and network I am building where I live. I’ve found others who have similar interests, whose writing I love to read. And I wanted to be a more, well, semi-permanent part of that virtual community.

I know I’ll never have thousands of followers. That’s not my goal. But I do appreciate the opportunity to share some of the random thoughts in my head, to know that somewhere, out there (ha, old 80s movie reference…), there are others who have similar thoughts, who may find their way here, too. I look forward to building and growing my little community, and feel like this is the first, well, grown-up step to doing that.

So thanks again for reading and being here. It means a lot.

It’s only been a couple of weeks since I wrote a post on how my superpower is self-doubt. 

I received several lovely comments on that post, with others saying they struggle with the same thing. Stephany‘s comment, in particular, stood out to me. What if, instead, I asked myself what would happen if something actually went well? 

A few days later, I got the weekly edition of an email newsletter to which I have subscribed for years, written by a life coach. It opened with this quote: 

So, yeah. I wrote that post title on Sunday. 

Just goes to show how accurately I predicted my week. As in, I was completely and totally wrong. The depths – of work, of worrying about our country and its future, of worrying about other “life things” – are still very much pulling me in, despite my best efforts to extract myself. 

When I wrote that title, I was focusing mostly on work. I thought I was past the nuttiest time of the semester, as I had finished the vast majority of my guest lectures, wrapped up one course, and only had one remaining. And then I realized just how much there still is for that one course. Not to mention my service on multiple committees and groups. So yeah, not quite done yet. 

I am thrilled with the outcome of the presidential election (might as well just put it out there). The last four years have been interminable for those of us who could not believe that a completely unqualified toddler with no experience, or even interest, in serving the country could be elected president over such a vastly better qualified and competent candidate. And yet. Here we are. Sunday, I was feeling pretty good. Today? I’m not so sure. I left a comment on Susanne’s blog that commended her for stepping away from news and social media… for I find myself doom scrolling and seeking any glimmers of hope that T*****’s attempts to steal a lawful election from the voters will fail. I know this is bad – for my mental health and for getting all that other stuff I referred to up there ^^^. I’m working on it. But it is hard. I want to believe this will all come out right in the end, but I could have done without the prolonged anxiety. Taking another deep breath this morning, willing myself to put down my phone, and focus on what I CAN do. Obsessing about Michigan a, won’t change anything, and b, just makes me anxious. 

I found this quote from John Steinbeck in an email from … last week? I think? From James Clear. His 3-2-1 newsletter is one of the best out there, if you are looking for a weekly dose of insight. It helps… to remember we have come to this point before and emerged unscathed. I have to have hope that will happen again. 

Not that I have lost any hope. All the goodness and the heroisms will rise up again, then be cut down again and rise up. It isn’t that the evil thing wins — it never will — but that it doesn’t die. I don’t know why we should expect it to. It seems fairly obvious that two sides of a mirror are required before one has a mirror, that two forces are necessary in man before he is man. 

For me, more than anything else, 2020 has reminded me that life is uncertain, that we can plan, and predict, and anticipate as much as we want, only to have the universe laugh in our faces. I imagine many people have had the same realization. 

I am a planner. Always have been. Of course, there have been major shifts along the way, and unanticipated challenges and choices. But for the most part? I like knowing what’s going to happen, in work, in life, and (I’ll even go out on a limb here) in the world. 

Yet so much of life is unpredictable, filled with the unexpected. Personally, professionally, nationally, globally. I’ve seen so many bloggers write about how they could have never anticipated a year ago that we’d be in the situation(s) we’re in right now. 

Perhaps a year of such upheaval and change serves to remind us that these little earthquakes occur with startling regularity in all of our lives. That we should never, really, take anything for granted. We have what we have right now – that is all we are guaranteed. Anything can – and will  – change in a moment. It’s reminded me, personally, that I should never pass up the opportunity to hug someone… to tell people I love them… to connect when we can. Not to get too morbid here, but the phone call or Zoom hang out that I decline today may be my last opportunity to be with someone, albeit virtually.  

Will this make me into someone who never plans? Who follows their whims of the moment? I doubt it. It has, however, reminded me of the importance of the moment, of never taking things for granted, of always hugging, and saying I love you. I hope you have taken those opportunities, too.