There’s a difference between being alone – which I am, frequently – and being lonely – which, fortunately, is not something I experience on a regular basis. For me, there is joy in solitude, in being with myself, in the (relative) quiet of my small apartment. I spend time with others when I want to or need to, but solitude is my typical state of being these days. I know that doesn’t work for everyone, though.

I was alone yesterday, on Thanksgiving here in the US. My parents have finally accepted that I can’t travel out East for this holiday, given limitations of my work and teaching schedule. And I have long accepted that I will spend Thanksgiving (and, this year, Christmas) by myself, most years.

Others, though, are appalled, which I find surprising. (One friend said they were “so sad” for me, even though I said this was typical for my holidays. She texted me yesterday to make sure I was okay, which was so nice and appreciated. <3) There are many people who are alone for holidays – I am definitely not an N of 1! (I’m not that special!) Thanksgiving and other holidays tend to be Family Time, which probably drives peoples’ reactions to my solo holidays.

I had a lovely day, though. I didn’t work (much). I read a trashy book. I took Ernie’s advice and went on a walk in the brilliant afternoon sunshine. I made something a bit more special than usual for my lunch. While I missed my family at points, I didn’t miss the noise and the chaos. (There was a lot of chaos per this morning’s report…)

If you celebrated Thanksgiving, l hope you had the day that you wanted to have, whether alone or with others.

And gratitude, of course, for those connections that have become so important to me.

A brief post today, just sharing a lovely paragraph from Susan Cain’s The Kindred Letters.

So by all means, enjoy your dance parties and your family reunions, your dinners out and even your team-building exercises.

But also notice the quiet ripples. Notice the way that each thought, each action, each step you take in the world, has vast and far-reaching effects that you never quite anticipated.

And notice how these ripples are forming at this very moment, in ever-widening circles, all around you.

That’s what connection truly means.

~Susan Cain

Happy Wednesday, everyone. (Did anyone else grow up calling it hump day? As in, the hump in the middle of the week? My parents did and I still have the term in my mind as a marker of where I am in my week. :>)

I started thinking about the communities that we have in our lives this morning – prompted by the realization that I have 3 communities that serve different purposes in my life. The mental wanderings started with thinking about support and love (of different kinds) and how I get those things from different people in my life. Communities and social networks are so critical to everyone’s well-being, I think. I see this in my research (I’ve used social network analysis in several research studies and it’s fascinating to see how other people generate and describe their networks), I see it in my life, and I see it in others’ lives.

Like I said, I have 3 communities:

• Family
• Work
• Blogging

My family includes my biological family of origin and my chosen family, which includes a random assortment of people who have been important in my life at various stages. (If you ever want to hear some interesting stories, ask people who they think of when you say the word, “family”. This was our network generator in several studies, and it’s absolutely fascinating!) My work family consists of a very small group of people whom I trust and rely on for help, support, and advice. There are people who are more senior to me, and one or two others who are at the same stage in their careers. And my blogging community includes, well, all of you. 🙂

NaBloPoMo reminds me of how much I value the community that I have found online in the past few years. I credit San for bringing us together each year, and I see the month as a celebration of the connections forged among a group of people with very different lives, who nonetheless have created a community with strong ties and mutual support. It’s a welcoming group, and an ever-evolving one.

I was wandering through a few books I own this morning, looking for a more philosophical take on community, when I came across A.C. Grayling’s description of love in his book, The Meaning of Things: “…the kinds of love that are most significant to us are not those that fill novels and cinema screens. They are instead those we have for family, friends, and comrades; for these are the loves that endure through the greater part of our lives, and give us our sense of self-worth, our stability, and the framework for our other relationships.”

I hope you all get to enjoy some time with your communities this week. <3

So, my post on clutter and trying to rid myself of it didn’t come out of the blue.

Kim had a comment on that post that nailed it: I have people who love me, whose love language is gifts. Of things, not experiences. My parents are wonderful people. Their love language is gifts. And they look for any opportunity to send me something that they think would be helpful, or fun, or useful. I love them for this, I really do. But it means that things will randomly show up in the package room from them without any warning.

Recent packages have included… unbelievably warm fleece lined leggings (that I will probably wear in January when it’s positively frigid out there), paintings (more on that to come), and now… a one-cup coffee maker.

The thing is, these 3 gifts are all useful. But, did I need them right now? Not necessarily. The leggings are nice but not necessary. The paintings could have stayed put until I did another trip out East. And the coffee maker, well I’ve been using instant and it’s been fine. So every time this happens, I go into a “I have too much stuff!” spiral. And then I feel guilty. They are showing me they love me. They absolutely love giving me things. It brings them joy.

I am trying to shift my mindset from “too much stuff” to “this is stuff I can use, and I will find a way to use it and make it work in my life. (And also store it. :>)”

What about you? Are gifts your love language (they are most definitely not mine)? Do people in your life give you gifts that are nice but not necessary?

Starting my Monday hoping to power through on caffeine and the need to get. things. done.

I’m staring down the last few weeks of the semester (um, four? I think there are four after this week?) and realizing just how bonkers it’s going to be. Guest lectures. Students needing to have their materials reviewed, commented on, and returned. Meetings (of course). And sprinkled in there, my desire to go through the clutter and get rid of some of it (or at least have a plan!).

So I’m gathering my motivation and (being perfectly honest here) drinking all the caffeine. I know this isn’t good for my sleep difficulties, but needs must.

And, I’d like to take some time this week to, you know, be thankful for all I have. I love my job, and I am so lucky to have it. I think it’s going to be really important to keep that front of mind as I shift into end-of-the-semester mode. (And maybe forget, in the moment, that I actually do like what I do, ha…)

Balancing motivation, thankfulness, and caffeine. I can do this, right? (Any tips? ;>)