The year that was

Posted on by Anne 20 Comments

2024 had bright spots as well as challenges…and for me, it was the year that i remembered who I am and what I love. I credit all of you with spurring me on to go back to the things that make me, me. Your comments, your suggestions, the ways in which you live your lives – all of the things I love about all of you – reminded me that yes, these were things (well, many of them) that I used to love, too.

Reading This is probably the most striking change. Friends, this was the year that I rediscovered just how much I love to read. I always thought of myself as a reader, but it fell off of my priority list, replaced by work (of course), reading and/or listening to the news, and other forms of media-related and non-media related distraction. I will have a post coming up devoted to reading, books, and my love for Libby, but suffice to say that all of the library lovers in my virtual world finally changed my mind. I activated my Libby account (I had a library card already, yay). I started looking through the books they offered. And then – the event that changed everything? (This is so random, seriously…) My mom said how much she loved the audiobook version of The Dutch House, and when I said I’d never read it, she suggested I give it a try. Friends, it changed my life. I always thought that audiobooks were Not For Me. Turns out, I was listening to the wrong audiobooks. (This perspective was also likely influenced by childhood memories of listening to a CD and/or taped version of Just So Stories, a book I find Just So Annoying, in a car trip with lifelong friends years ago.)

I loved it. And I learned that with audiobooks, I could focus on the story while doing mindless tasks. I don’t need to focus on swiffering the floor, I can listen to Tom Hanks, or Meryl Streep, read me a story. This was mindblowing. I now have a very long Want to Read tag in Libby. I have a long list of books I’ve borrowed (with some DNFs). I’ve largely stopped spending money on books (JD Robb books being the exception – Engie, we are soulmates there). I’m saving money, I’ve read more books in the past year than I thought possible, AND it’s had a positive influence on my relationship with my parents and others.

More on this in another post, but wow. What a difference it makes to start my day with an audiobook, not the headlines.

Music

I thought that listening to music was something I’d left behind when cars stopped having tape decks. Yes, I’m old. I often listen to sports radio on my way to work. It’s a short trip, it’s low (or no) stakes, plus I like sports! But a month or so ago (maybe 2?) my therapist suggested putting on classical music, or piano music (both of which I love) while I am starting my day. I scoffed (gosh, that’s a great word) but agreed to try it. Friends, it was another game changer. Some mornings, I put on George Winston and friends (thank you, Apple music). Some mornings, it’s the Highwomen, or The Chicks (if I’m feeling rebellious, ha). I sometimes put on music in the evenings, but often I just want silence. And that’s okay, too.

The point is, it’s Not The News (see “Disconnecting”, below). It’s beautiful, well, most of it. It ties me to my past. I was a Band Nerd. I played in orchestra for years. I loved music in college (who didn’t)? And then I…lost it? This reminds me of the beauty that is music, and the ways in which it can enrich our lives in ways that the NY Times headlines cannot.

Contemplation

I am working hard to make contemplation and reflection a regular part of my life, something I started right around Thanksgiving. No, I’m not yet doing yoga (sorry, Nicole). But I am making sure to have something reflection-related in my morning, before I log in to work at an unmentionable hour. I make it more special by starting my day, right now, with hot cocoa, made from scratch, and now using the Special Dark cocoa. It’s not European cocoa but any stretch, but it’s light years better (IMO) than my baking cocoa. I try to take at least 20 minutes, but some days it’s only 10 and that’s okay. This is also often paired with “background music”, which I love. It just makes the mornings better. I mean, of course. 🙂

Disconnecting

With the, um, changes (reversion?) happening in the US this month, I started trying very, very hard, to disconnect in 2024. This was a winter break-related change, to be honest. Late in the year, but shaping my current actions, too. Instead of reading every blinking article in the NY Times, I am skipping those that I just. don’t. want. to read. Or I DNF them – I do it with books, why not with articles, too? Instead, I listen to my sports podcast, or sports radio, or an audiobook. Or nothing. There’s something to be said for close-to-silence. There really is. It’s helping, I think. I’m also on Threads, and yes, it’s a Meta company, and yes, I know about the recent actions of their CEO. Sigh. That said, it’s light years better than the cesspool that is the other social network that I Shall Not Name. So for now, I will curate my feed to focus on political liberal-leaning folks, books, libraries, space images (seriously), and other joy-bringing content. For now, it works.

Thank you for reading this far, if you’ve made it this far. 2024 wasn’t all bad. I need to remember that. Thank you all for making it better than it could have been. <3

Poet Emily Dickinson on the power of this moment: “Forever is composed of nows.”

Trying to make my nows better than they were. Be gentle with yourself, friends.

Looking ahead

Posted on by Anne 16 Comments

I might write a post about my hiatus from this blog, but I might also just move ahead and look forward. I’m still pondering what and how much to share.

Right now, though, I’m trying to look ahead. Near distance and far. What will life bring in the first half of 2025? (Spoiler alert: A LOT more work than I was planning…sigh) What will life start to look like over the next few years? The next ten years? The next 20?

I can’t do it all at once… right now, my gaze (and my goals) are focused on making it through to the end of May. But this year is also a time when I hope to spend more time thinking deliberately about where I want my life to go, who I want to be, and more. I’ve said that before, but this time, well, it seems to hold a bit more weight.

So we’ll see what’s to come in this space. It will still be my usual random ramblings, mixed in with occasional glimpses into life in my world, and I hope you will come back to share it with me. Even though I started blogging just to put my thoughts out there, it’s come to mean so much more. Community. Support. Joy. Thank you all for being you, and for being here. It means a lot. <3

Noticing

Posted on by Anne 21 Comments

Words and phrases about noticing, about paying attention, have seeped into my life this summer. Another nudge from the universe? Quite likely.

The first time, it was the phrase, “What you focus on increases”. The quote is from a book, The Noticer, which was selected for a summer book club run by the American Nurses Association. I chose not to take part, and now I am regretting it, given the number of posts I saw that highlight the quote and some other takeaways from the book. (Has anyone read it? I trust all of your opinions more than I do those of random nurses on a list serv…)

Then, Nicole made a comment on one of my posts, “what we focus on is what we see more of”.

And finally, not one but two Substack posts that alluded to the same idea. The first was from fia skye, who writes beautiful words at the flying edna substack, and the second was from the Begin in Wonder substack. Both of these substacks bring great joy to my life.

Fia wrote about her tendency to notice things that she perceives as wrong, or that make her mad, and how her partner (kai skye, an artist whose art and writing also speak to my heart) pointed out that you can spend your life focusing on the bad, or you can look up and see the beauty in the world.

Elliott, who writes at Begin in Wonder, had the following quote in one of his posts:

Carrie Newcomer wrote, “Our culture reasons that because we fell there is not enough time, we should increase our pace, multitask, and fit more into our already overbooked days. But even though it is counterintuitive to popular wisdom, perhaps the more effective response to the limits of time is to live more fully in the moment, to savor it and expand it.” (Note: I just looked up Carrie Newcomer, having never heard of her before this quote, so I do not know the specific source for this quote. When and if I find it, I will correct the link, and if someone knows, please educate me!)

This is going to sound tremendously selfish, and it’s such a first-world problem. But, other than my time on vacation, I haven’t always focused on what matters most to me. Like everyone, I deal with outside situations, events, challenges, which intrude on my ability to choose what I do. Sometimes this is just the way life is. Do I WANT to review the 96 page meeting agenda? No. But I was elected to the committee, so I will review that agenda. Perhaps with an eye roll or two. 😉

But other times, it’s my choice. I focus on what I “should be” doing for others, not on what I need or want to do for myself. I need to balance that out, because not doing so just leads to resentment on my part. It absolutely sounds selfish, but the alternative is to feel as though I have no control, and, that’s not working for me either.

I’ve been trying to do this for a few weeks, now, and I’ve had some success and a lot of failure. Like many, I am prone to saying “yes” too much. (I need Elisabeth to give me a few lessons in saying no!) I take on obligations and responsibilities because they sound interesting, not necessarily because they are the best way for me to spend my time. Often, my answer is a default “yes”, instead of a “is saying yes to this saying no to something I really need and want to do?”

I read Four Thousand Weeks a few months ago and loved it, and then promptly managed to forget its lessons. (Sigh.) I started Essentialism, and haven’t finished it. Are you seeing a pattern here? I am.

Going forward, I am trying to figure out to achieve a better balance. Small things make a difference – at least in my work life. I am trying very hard not to reply to emails as soon as they come in. If someone needs me, they can text or Teams me. In my personal life? Trying to not get sucked into the news. Remembering that spending time on things I really want to do – reading, reading blogs, taking walks – isn’t a bad thing. Trying to pare down my obligations to focus on what matters most.

As always, a few quotes that have reflected my thinking recently:

“Productivity is most important for things you don’t want to be doing. Most people want to increase productivity so they can spend less time on the task. But before you worry about being more productive, think about being more selective. Rather than focusing on increasing productivity, it may be worth asking, “What would I be delighted to spend time on, even if it went slowly?” Direct your energy toward figuring out how to start what you want to do rather than thinking about how to shorten what you don’t want to do.” James Clear

We’ve been seduced into believing that we must “stay current” and “keep up with the times.” In a time of great social and political upheaval, information feels very urgent—even though the true emergency is lacking the space to think properly. ~ Ozan Varol

I hope you have the space to think. And if not – if you’re facing challenges and situations beyond your control, demanding your attention and your time – I hope that those resolve sooner rather than later, and let you get back to focusing on what matters most. Go well into the close-to-the-end of this week, my friends.