I am fabulous at fretting.
I actually looked up the definitions of the word, and it’s fascinating how its use in science is akin to its use in describing peoples’ actions or behaviors…
“to wear away or consume by gnawing” (dictionary.com)
Wow. What an apt description. And I am a champion fretter. Seriously. There are nights when I wake up and cannot get back to sleep because my mind is turning the same (usually small) worry over and and over. Perseverating about it. (Another word I love, that Chrome spellchecker does not seem to. That’s okay – it didn’t like colonoscopy until recently, either…)
Anyway. I can’t quite figure out how to break this cycle. It’s like once I hit on something that I can worry or fret about – usually for way too long – I just come back to it over and over and over again.
Sometimes distraction works. Other times, my mind returns to that same worry whenever I take a break from whatever else I am working on.
It honestly drives me bonkers – and I wish I could change it. The best part, of course, is that my worries are usually completely unfounded. Like this weekend, when I was worried that I had not heard back from a colleague about a piano that she was hoping to buy from me. I worried that I had inadvertently insulted her during an in-person exchange a few weeks ago. Turns out, she was just figuring out with her wife how they could make room for said piano. All that worry, for nothing. That’s how it usually turns out. Sometimes, of course, my concerns are borne out. But for the most part, nothing ever comes of my (sometimes hours of) fretting.
Just another habit to break or work on. I should be grateful that I can (?) focus on these relatively small worries. I don’t have many BIG things weighing on me right now. I know it’s part of how I am wired – so I suppose the alternative to changing it is learning to accept it and perhaps shut it down sooner. Hm. Another topic for therapy day, I suppose! Onward.