I wanted to get my previous post off of the top of the page. While it was cathartic to write it, to complain, to share my frustrations, that’s not what I want to focus on with this blog. No, life isn’t always rainbows and bunnies. But. Life is good, in general. It’s my attitude (and, honestly, the way I live that life) that I need to work on.
So today I wanted to share some bright spots from the last week. My blogging friend Elisabeth talks about “joyfinding”, which is such a lovely and appropriate term. But I don’t want to co-opt it for my own. Instead, I’m trying to focus on bright spots from my week, to keep my eyes up and on the positive, instead of mired in the depths of my own frustrations and challenges.
(1) OK, you’re going to think I’m insane. But. In-person meetings Friday were a truly unexpected bright spot in my week. I haven’t been shy about my full-on embrace of pandemic life. As the introvertiest introvert who ever lived, I am so much happier working from home when I can, rather than working in a cold, uncomfortable office, where I have to keep the door closed, I am never warm (seriously – always, always freezing), and there is a fair amount of non-work socializing and distraction. Yet, seeing my colleagues and friends in person, in a meeting that was just like meetings in the pre-COVID days, was surprisingly uplifting and energizing. It reminded me that just because something is comfortable for me (I still do love virtual meeting attendance), there are also benefits to attending them in-person. (It also helped that I was able to advocate for adding one of my passions to our curriculum, in collaboration with two of my favorite faculty colleagues… an academic nerd’s mini-heaven. :>)
(2) Fall. Oh fall. It came in – literally – overnight this year. On the day of the equinox. I do not remember a previous fall that arrived so abruptly and that (to this point) has not taken a bit of a break so that temporary summer could come roaring back. (I hate it when that happens. If the seasons are going to change, just change. Don’t be wishy-washy about it!) It’s been refreshing but also, for some reason, more challenging this year than in years past. I am finally starting to adapt to the idea of heavier jackets and gloves and (soon) my handwarmers and heated vest. Despite that, I will be eagerly anticipating the return of slightly warmer weather in a few months.
(3) Phone calls and lunches with friends. Again, don’t fall off your chairs. These involve… socializing. In person and on the phone. I know – who am I? But last weekend and this I had the opportunity to have an (excellent) lunch out with a friend (cannily timed during the home football game). The only drawback with lunch was my view of the person in the next booth, who… um… didn’t have the best table manners. I tried not to look. (My ability to achieve this varied, unfortunately.) And then Saturday I talked with a very old friend on the phone for an hour+, about the book we buddy read (Longitude, by Dava Sobel, which we both loved) and life in general. Our lives are so very different but I really appreciate that she takes the time to update me on her kids’ lives and what HER life is like these days. That said, we have made some very different choices in life and some things she said yesterday highlighted those (these are “big” choices – related to religion, and political leanings, etc., so not easy to dismiss out of hand, at least for me). It was still wonderful to connect, though. She’s picking the next book. Nonfiction, usually science-focused. We are both nerds. 🙂
(4) Quotes. I’ve had some quotes come to me this week that I wanted to share. What is eerie (side note: I just love that word. There is something about how “eerie” is spelled that is just, well, eerie. It’s not onomatopoeia, really, but… anyway, I digress…) is when multiple quotes from different sources all point towards the same general idea. Here are the ones that spoke to me this week:
- “Even when I work so hard to be perfect, it’s never good enough.” Catherine Andrews
- Oh, the truth in this statement. Driven home by the fact that I took Ingrid Fetell’s quiz on killjoys. Mine were (not surprisingly), the Taskmaster, the Perfectionist, and the Control Freak.
- “It’s these choices that add up to make you, you. You are the sum of one small choice stacked upon one small choice stacked upon one small choice, ad infinitum. If your life were a painting, these choices would be the brushstrokes that compose it. In other words, your life is defined by your choices, by your discipline. Which is why, as we have said recently, discipline is destiny.” Ryan Holiday
- I don’t always like Ryan Holiday’s writing but this one spoke to me. It’s the little things we do every day that make a life. In one way, this puts a lot of pressure on what often seem like they should be easy choices. On the other hand, this also makes me feel a sense of relief, that no one decision is going to derail my entire life.
- 5 AM Joel shared this one: “The slow philosophy can be summed up in a single word: balance. Be fast when it makes sense to be fast, and be slow when slowness is called for. Seek to live at what musicians call tempo giusto – the right speed.” – Carl Honoré
- Living at the right speed. Something I really, really need to work on (see previous post…sigh…).
- Oliver Burkeman shared this one in his weekly newsletter: “action is the antidote to despair.” Joan Baez
- This also aligns with the quote about choices, from Ryan Holiday. Doing just one thing can make a difference. Start chipping away at things.
(5) You. All of you. All I can say is thank you for being here, for supporting me, for your comments on my last post. You could have rolled your eyes, thought “there she goes again, complaining about something that’s her own darn fault”, but you didn’t. And I appreciate that more than you will ever know. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – finding this little corner of the blogosphere has been life-changing for me. A small group of people who write about their lives, who share their thoughts, and who show up? What more could I ask for? So, thank you again. I appreciate you more than you will ever know. <3 <3 <3
And with that, here comes another week. I got good (work) news very early this morning that has me breathing a small sigh of relief, and a to do list that is full but not overwhelming. Time to do this thing.
This part of your quote section is the truth of the day: “your life is defined by your choices, by your discipline.” Although I wouldn’t use the word discipline because it’s so negative, like everything you do is a sacrifice (and if it is, to me it sounds you’re doing the wrong thing), instead I’d call it habits, because life is defined by your choices and your habits, and you need to create the right habits to achieve what you want.
I’m so happy for you that you can find some joyful things also in work, and I’m so happy for you that you can focus on them instead of the bad stuff. It’s ok to not be ok (just wait for my next blog post) but thoughts are powerful and looking for the good stuff WILL make a difference. Joyfinding is a wonderful word! I might make that my next word of the year.
Oh, I like your edit of that quote. The focus on discipline honestly doesn’t sit well with me, either, and I debated cutting the quote off to minimize the references. Habits is so much better – and I love this: “…life is defined by your choices and your habits”. YES.
Definitely trying to focus on the good with work – since it’s such a large part of my life, for better or worse -and it seems to be helping.
The other thing I realized writing this – and I might make this a blog post on its own – is that everyone has their hard thing(s). None of us is drifting through life with no worries or challenges or concerns. There is always something. I’m sorry to hear that your “hard” is intruding on your life… and hope that you’re able to be okay with not being okay for a while, knowing that you’ll be coming out the other side stronger and more resilient than ever. <3
Lovely list!! And of course, you know I’m always a sucker for any good quotes. 🙂 And about the weather….well, I think we’re getting some ups and downs this week! Today and tomorrow should be quite warm, so make sure to get out there! Next week I’m seeing a bunch of highs that start with a 4, though…. eek.
Good quotes just make my day. I was the person with quotes written on index cards (GAH – I Am Old… remember index cards?) on her walls in college. Ha. Such a nerd, even then.
It was nice yesterday but there is still a … hm. There is just a difference in how 70 feels in October, vs. how it feels in May. Do you know what I mean? There is something different about the air itself, and of course, the sunlight, etc. Not to mention that at this time of year it seems like we hit the high for a whopping hour and then it drops again. 😉 (And yes, I saw next week’s forecast. Sigh. Time to bust out the scarves and winter jacket…)
I love WFH more than I can say, but I do enjoy seeing coworkers in person. Even though at this point they’re ex-coworkers. I’ve never met anyone from my current job IRL. What I don’t miss is how cold all of the offices that I worked in used to be…brrrr.
Right now our fall colors are at their peak and it isn’t too cold yet so it’s the best of all worlds.
What is WITH the cold office thing? there is some evidence that it’s all because of men (seriously) and the fact that they generally have warmer baseline body temps than women, and because men have “run the workplace” for so long that’s why workplaces are notoriously cold. I just think they’re trying to save money so even when I crank the thermostat in my office, where I ostensibly control the temp, nothing changes. Ha.
I don’t know where you live but it must be at least slightly north of where I am, as we are nowhere near peak yet. I was talking with someone near St. Paul yesterday and she said they’re approaching peak. I guess it’ll be here soon! (I should maybe, you know, actually look at some of the colors this year… :>)
I have already busted out my heated vest, so I know fall is here. I went to a corn maze in Deerfield last weekend and that felt like just the right thing to celebrate autumn. I am glad things are turning around for you and hope you are able to maintain your focus on the positive.
Oooh, a corn maze. It’s been forever since I have done one.
I have to get my new handwarmers (random gift from my dad – he hates it when I am cold) charged up and ready.
Focusing on the positive is easy when the good news comes in – now I just have to maintain that when it goes back to being a slog. 😉
Fall is here, too. I’m feeling a bit too chilly some mornings, now, but I’m trying to lean in hard to my love of the season and forget about the fact that winter is coming!!
I’m so glad you had some fun social interactions; I also appreciated some of the forced introversion from the pandemic, but it is also refreshing to be together with people. In this sphere, too, it’s all about balance! And it sounds like you had a really great week in terms of activity, productivity at work, and some great introspection (I LOVE quotes!!).
Yes, selective amnesia about the imminent arrival of winter is definitely required… But seeing some lows that start with 2’s next week (F, obviously!) is a bit daunting, to be honest. 😉
It was a good week, and interacting with people I know and like (i.e. selective social interaction) was surprisingly positive. I was also reminded of the fun of in-person meetings, and observing others in their interactions with each other and with the meeting leader(s). Let’s just say that some things never change!
I am also a quote fiend. Hence the name of this blog! (I haven’t added to mine in a while, though – I think I need to transfer some of the quotes from this post, as they seem to have some staying power for me…)
I love reading your joy list, especially your surprised joy in spending time with people (that sounds bad but you know what I mean since you are the introvertedest introvert). That made me happy reading it!
It is nuts how fall came in on the equinox this year. Mother Nature was ON TIME.
I know what you mean! I was really surprised by it -and, I’m even meeting up with my former post doc to catch up before next Friday’s meetings. Who am I? 🙂 (I figure, it’s better to just try to enjoy the meetings, since they’re required, vs. grumbling about them all the time… great in theory, let’s see if I can practice it!
I love your focus on the positives, although it’s ALWAYS okay to complain on your blog. You get to do what you want! <3
Introverts – even the most introverty introverts! – need socialization! Everyone needs to be around people, even though introverts are a lot less intrinsically motivated by people-time. But being around people USUALLY makes us feel good and lights us up. I'm glad you were able to get to see some colleagues in person and have some life-affirming chats with friends this week. It is so needed! <3
Thank you. <3 I know I can complain here but, like I said to Kim, I don't like to complain *this much*. It's been a rough couple of months, yes, but there have also been positives. I just need to look for them!
And I know (intellectually) that I need to interact with actual people in, you know, 3-D. But when I love being and working at home as much as I do, well, it's hard to listen to that intellectual voice and get my butt out of my desk chair. 🙂 But! I did schedule a get-together with my former post doc for before next Friday's meetings, AND I am going to a conference in-person (yeeks) in November. It's one of my favorite groups so I know I will see people I actually like. 😉
Those quotes are great. I love them all.
I love that you’re socializing more! I noticed for myself that the pandemic meant I phoned people more often. Sometimes I just needed to hear voices, not just read texts.
YES! There is just something about connection. I think we were all – or most of us – were doing the same thing after a while. My family STILL has weekly or every-other-week Zoom “meetings” and it’s wonderful. My mother gets to lay virtual eyeballs on me (she worries) and I get to watch her drink her wine while my dad looks on in amusement. It’s nearly as good as being there. 🙂
Anne, it makes me so happy that you could find some joy in something that you usually gives you anxiety … socializing, even for the biggest introvert, can be so good sometimes and we have to remind ourselves that it’s good to “put” ourselves in these situations on purpose sometimes.
I love our blogging community, too and I am so thankful for all of you 🙂
Thank you, San. And yes, socializing can be a good thing! Putting myself out there is hard – and even harder in the last few years – but so worth it.
This community has been such a good thing over the last few years. What an (unexpected) gift! <3