And no, before you ask, it’s not what you think it is. It’s been a while, but it hasn’t been that long since I’ve written here. And in the meantime, life has been an interesting mix of the same old, same old, combined with some new and potentially exciting things. I honestly have no idea how to organize this, so I am just going to start writing and hope that something coherent ends up on the screen. Eventually.
First, the Old Stuff…(Warning: whining and complaining ahead, so please scroll down or just close the tab if you’d rather not be subjected to my griping.)
- Last time I wandered into this space, I shared a brief update on a few things that popped up last fall. Namely, a move back into my old space, more medical issues, and hints at other things that were going on in life and at work.
- The short story is, it hasn’t smoothed out. I didn’t think that life could pack quite so many twists and turns into a few short months, but well, here we are. The major medical issues continue (literally, as we speak). That now includes a new issue, the one I alluded to last fall. I’ll be brief since fussing about it does not make it better, but I am pretty tired of having appointments every week with one provider or another (or, more accurately, 1-3 providers). I’m tired of not feeling well. I’m tired of not having a diagnosis or even something remotely resembling a coherent and comprehensive treatment plan. I hope that some of these issues will be resolved soon, but I’ve learned not to get my hopes up. When I dare to even think that I might be feeling better, the Universe slams me with something else.
- On that note, Nicole posted recently about how important it is to be grateful for health. I completely agree. I look forward to the day when I can do the things I so desperately want to do. First on the list? Travel more. Right now, it’s extremely difficult if not impossible. I’ve had to cancel more than one trip in the last few years. It’s frustrating and dispiriting to not be able to just go somewhere when I want.
- The major work challenges were, in fact, huge work challenges. And then a few more were added on top. Let’s just say that work has been difficult in many ways since about mid-October. I keep hoping that it will smooth out, but see above re: not getting my hopes up.
OK, enough complaining. I am sorry for dumping, but things have been building up and, well, this is one of the few places where I can dump.
- One positive thing on the Old Stuff side is that the only remaining name change issue that I can identify is TSA Pre-Check. Since the department that runs TSA has now shut down twice since I sent in my updated information, I am not holding out hope that I will hear from them anytime soon.
- Another positive? I am so happy being back in my old apartment, even with the noise from the community room. I think Engie will attest to the fact that the closets in the other apartment were unbelievably unusable. (Engie? Care to weigh in?) It’s astonishing how having sufficient storage space can make a difference in daily life.
That’s not all of the Old Stuff. I haven’t touched on the state of the world, but honestly, I’m not sure I have the bandwidth to do that right now. I think it’s probably enough to say that I am horrified, terrified, and angry. I am doomscrolling like it’s my second job. I feel powerless and – much of the time – hopeless.
For right now, I think I’d rather touch on at least some of the New Stuff. I don’t know how many of you follow Lindsay (and goodness, if you are not, please do). She recently posted about going back to school for her Masters of Library and Information Science. I am, I confess, a bit envious of the fact that she will be a real live librarian when she is finished. But I’m not TOO envious, because I decided to enroll in an online copyediting certificate program. What do I plan to do with this, you ask? I’m not entirely sure. What I am sure of is that a) I cannot stay in my current job forever, since it is not helping my health and may be making it worse, and b) I need to do something new and different.
The first required course is an online grammar course. At first I thought, oh, ugh. But (this will probably not surprise you) I love it. I absolutely love pulling sentences apart and trying to figure out whether there are errors. I love trying to figure out how to convey the same idea more clearly. I use the first few hours of my days to study and read and complete the assignments. Many days, it is hard to tear myself away to work-work. Doing something new? Learning a lot of new things? It’s absolute heaven for me. I’m a nerd. I’ve always said that I would have stayed in school forever if there were a way I could be paid to do so. I thought academia would give me that, but it has not.
I may wind up just using this in another academic role. I may wind up leaving academia altogether. Maybe I’ll just be That Person Who Endlessly Edits Their Posts and Emails. I honestly don’t know what path I will take. What I DO know is that this is one of the things lighting up my life right now, and I need more things lighting up my life. Yes, I have to pay out of pocket and it is, of course, on my own (limited) time. But I like to think that it is an investment in future me. I can’t wait to figure out what the path looks like and where it takes me.
I’ll leave it there for now. Please know that I am reading your blogs, but I may not comment on every post. I love getting those glimpses of your lives. I hope to come back – and not in 3.5 months, sigh – and share some more glimpses of mine. In the meantime, I’m thinking of all of you. Thank you for being here.
Okay first of all, COMPLAIN AWAY. This is your space, it is THE most appropriate place for dumping all the crap.
I am so angry at what the powers that be have done to academia. The professors who taught me that I am still friends with loved their work and their life. Eve’s supervisor who is in biochemistry seems okay, but anything not strictly science-related just sounds hellish now. I have a friend that was in contract hell for years and is now looking for other work because it was unsustainable.
I love that you’re doing something new and loving it, and who cares if you have to pay for it and do it on your own time. It is probably doing your brain and nervous system a world of good.
I hope so hard that the health stuff resolves. Let us manifest a healthy future for you with a satisfying and fulfilling job. xoxoxoxox
Thank you, Allison. I know so many of the cool bloggers get the challenges of living with chronic illness. You’ve been through the wringer yourself. Academia…sigh. I thought it would be my happy place forever. It’s hard to realize that the job I loved is now contributing to my mental and physical health challenges. It just isn’t bringing me any joy, anymore. None. Which means, of course, that it’s time to think about a different path. I love the idea of manifesting. Let’s do it for both of us, ok? š
I hate that your work and your health are such bullshit right now. I really really hope that both will get better SOON. Iām glad that you are happier in your old/new apartment.
Have you ever thought that you might want to become a librarian? I love that you are exploring other options.
Oh, an online grammar class? Umā¦I wonder if I could find a free version, or something cheap? I wonder if I could stay dedicated and finish it. It sounds kind of amazing. I do not remember the WHY of any grammar, I am just lucky that my mom corrected our grammar, so I know what SOUNDS right. I took English classes, I have a Masters in Comparative Literatureā¦but nothing works so well as being told, āSHE AND Iā when you say āme and herā. Over and over again. Still, it might be interesting to know the rules behind these thingsā¦
Iām glad to see you back! Would love to hear more, as often or not as you can manage.
Unfortunately, this course isn’t free, but it is fun. Well, it’s fun if you’re a type A nerd who loves detail-oriented work and making things better. I love figuring out where the problems are in our assignments and then fixing them. I could do it for hours (and, um, I do). I have started wondering about becoming a librarian. For right now, I’m going to stick with this. From what I see, there is a market for good copyeditors in the medical and health sciences. Whether a company will take a chance on me is a different question. I’m going to keep the library science idea in the back of my mind, though, so we shall see.
I hope to be back here more often, and not just so that I can complain more. š
It’s so good to see a post from you!!!! I’m so sorry that things with health and work are so tumultuous right now. What a disheartening, exhausting time. Sending you lots of love. xxoo
Lenny has been one of the biggest brights spots through all of this, Suzanne. The fluff. The attitude. The absolute joy in life. Thank you for sharing him with the rest of us. š The challenges are real, but so are the bright spots (that would be all of you, just fyi). Lots of love back. XO
Copy editing! That’s so interesting and I’m glad you love it. Even if you just end up with, as you say, well-edited posts and emails, there is something so satisfying about learning all about something new and fresh.
I’m so sorry your health issues have been so bad! I don’t know what your issues are but it sounds painful and exhausting. I hope for a diagnosis and a way forward for you. And then hopefully you can travel! xo
Learning something new is keeping me going right now. There’s something so satisfying about figuring out the rules that govern proper (formal) grammar. I find myself pulling apart sentences when I’m reading books, seeing if I can figure out the structure of the sentences, and why the writer might have chosen to write something the way they did. It’s stretching my brain in a good way.
The health issues are long-term but, sigh, getting worse instead of better. I was so hopeful that this winter would mean a turn in a good direction, but not yet. Now I am holding out hope for the spring. I have so many fun things that I want to do, and I need to feel better before that can happen. XO back. (And omg, your BOOK. It got me through last weekend’s major medical crap, so THANK YOU. You have no idea how much that helped. <3)
Copyediting, and grammar? That sounds perfect for you!!! I looked into that (I think, it was called something else?) but gave up the idea as it seemed so much more technical than I expected. Just don’t practise by reading my blog posts! I know my English is poor but I don’t have time to engage in that and I’ve stopped caring, decided I’m ok with not being the perfect writer and mainly just work on trying to have some kind of flow in the sentences.
I couldn’t agree more about being in school forever! If you skip the exams, they’re mainly something awkward that disrupt the learning.
And also, it’s absolutely fine to complain!
The technical part of it is what I love – pulling apart sentences to figure out which words are doing what in the sentence, and whether they are correct. It fits my Type A personality to a T. I can’t wait to get to the next course. And it says something that I would much rather be doing that than my job. Fitting it into my limited free time isn’t easy, but I am making it work.
Your English is fantastic! Please don’t cut yourself down like that. Just think what it would be like if I tried to learn Swedish.
I try not to complain so much, but sometimes, it just…well, it’s just necessary.
Hope you are enjoying the start to spring. We flip the clocks tonight and ugh. Tomorrow and Monday will be rough. (I dislike dark mornings, since I am usually up very early.)
It was actually not the technicality of picking sentences apart that I didn’t like but rather that it wasn’t just to adjust and correct but that you have to use a specific, international system for how to do corrections. And that made the job way different and less enjoyable than I had imagined!
It sounds like you should go all in with this! And a job like this would be perfect for you considering the health issues.
Thanks for being so nice about my English! I feel very inferior but I know, grammar-wise I’m doing quite well.
Spring is very much on the way here. We don’t flip the clocks until the end of March, I don’t mind it, don’t suffer from the little change usually and just enjoy the longer days.
Oh, Anne. You’ve had such a rough time of it. I’m sorry.
I think your blog is the perfect place to complain. If you can’t complain here, WHY HAVE A BLOG? Or maybe that’s just me questioning my own corner of the Interwebzzzz.
Thanks, Engie. And I appreciate the support for my – hopefully occasional – complaining. I just hate that it’s becoming my default. I really should have done Elisabeth’s FIG initiative. I need to shift my focus to find SOMEthing good in each day. I mean, even if it’s just “caffeine”, that is something, right? š
I am so sorry to hear about the health issues. Seeing multiple providers in the course of a week sounds exhausting – and then to do that week after week and hoo boy, that is ROUGH. I can sort of relate with all my medical issues but I’m lucky that mine were fairly easy to solve once I saw a rheumatologist. But it’s a PITA to manage my RA. Sigh.
But it is great to have something that is bringing you JOY! We all need more of that in our lives. And having copy editing skills is a great skill. I work with a few editors at work and they are magicians and make us sound so much better than we would otherwise!
Keep on keeping on, my friend.
Thanks, Lisa. The multiple providers is, honestly, for the birds. And it’s been going on for months now. I just want answers. You have so much going on, too, but I’m so glad that you have a rheumatologist who has a clue and who seems to manage everything pretty competently. I haven’t found that person – yet. I sincerely hope I do, and soon.
Isn’t it hilarious that what is bringing me joy is…grammar? HA. I’m such a nerd. At least I own it, right? It’s interesting to see what is coming across my LinkedIn job alerts now that I’ve added non-academic terms to my searches. There are some very interesting copyediting/medical editing options that could be interesting.
Hope you are hanging in there and looking forward to SPRING. (I suspect you are NOT looking forward to the time change tonight. Ugh.)
I’m so happy to see a post from you, Anne! I am so sorry that your health issues continue to be a pain, especially if it’s causing you to cancel travel plans. And I’m sure the stress from your job doesn’t help matters!
I’m glad the online grammar course has been fun and something different for you to do!
I so wish I could travel, Stephany. Your travel posts – and Kyria’s – and Birchie’s – remind me that I WILL get back to it someday. (And Florida will be on the list when I do!) I find it hilarious that grammar is making me happy, but hey, whatever it takes. Hope you are hanging in there, my friend. <3