I needed this reminder this week – that I am the only one who can build my life.
I choose to do what I do.
I choose to put myself out there – teaching, lecturing, submitting manuscripts and grant proposals.
For someone who is excessively introverted, this constant placing of the self in front of others – sharing what I have created, what I think is so critical and important, is so so hard.
It is so hard.
And yet.
This is the life I want to build. I want the freedom to ask the questions that I want to answer.
I want what I do to be driven by my passions, not someone else’s.
This is my life. I only get one.
If I don’t build it the way I want it, then, well, it’s not going to be a very fulfilling or happy life.
Putting my work out there for feedback and (often) rejection is hard.
The alternative, though, is that I would have to cross someone else’s bridge to build my life.
I get to build this one. It’s a remarkable privilege, to have this freedom, these choices.
It’s also a remarkable challenge. One that I need to rise to every single day, every single week.
It’s been a crap week. Monday sucked. Tuesday was great. Wednesday, sucked. Thursday, meh. (It ended better than I thought it would, so that’s something?)
Friday I have more meetings than I thought possible.
BUT.
Then, for two days, my time is completely my own. I need this weekend to reset, recalibrate.
I am so, so grateful for the privilege, the opportunity to build this life, this bridge, for myself.