And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
~Max Ehrmann, a snippet of the Desiderata

I have always, always loved this…benediction? Poem? I read it at my high school graduation, and even now, when I am in the throes of a panic as I was yesterday, I hear this bit in my head. 

“…no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

And I breathe. 
And remember that yes, the world will keep turning. 
Despite my mini-failures along the way. Despite the actions of our despicable “President” these days, and those who align with his views across the world. 

I don’t know what the plan is, what the end is, what it will all look like. 
That doesn’t mean I stop working, stop advocating for change, stop trying to be a force for good.  
That doesn’t mean that I stick my head in the sand, and just assume that everything can just go on without my contribution.

I do need to keep trying, to do better, to do more.

But I also know that there is a bigger process at work here. One I can contribute to, yes, but something that will continue to unfold when my short time on this planet is done.

So what do I take away from these seemingly contradictory thoughts?

Do good things, add to the positive balance of the Universe.
Actively work against those who aim to advance the negative, the dark.
We can shift the unfolding…we can make a better end.

I wasn’t going to write today, but then Jamie Varon (https://www.jamievaron.com/) sent out one of her fabulous Friday letters that I read this morning (yes, Saturday morning) and it had this gem in it:

“Why do I still have to justify being tired or needing a break by recounting how much I’ve done in the past week, two weeks, month? Even though I know the restorative power of rest, why is it still so difficult to recognize when enough is enough for me?”

I don’t know who took this picture. But I love this street sign art in front of the Madison Children’s Museum. I particularly love the signs that say “Roads / Diverge”, and “Should I Stay / Or should I go”.

What a wonderful thinking piece…and a reminder to me today that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I have said this before, but something that has become abundantly clear to me this summer is that many, many things in life evolve. But at the core? they don’t change.

For me, this is most evident in relationships.

No matter how much I say I wanted to move away from my parents and my childhood home, I still love them more than anything, and love spending time with them. Except for a few brief adolescent angsty years, that hasn’t changed.

I still think my brother is hilarious and love spending time with him – granted, not ALL of my time, but we have so much in common and really do enjoy each others’ company.

(Side note: I also realized that my nerdlike tendencies are definitely genetic, as my parents, brother, and I worked nonstop on crossword puzzles while we were on vacation this summer…)

My sister in law still drives me crazy. Interspersed with episodes of really enjoying her company.

Old friendships may evolve, but at the core? that love, that history, that persistence over time supports continuing, changing relationships.

and for my marriage… I am having the same daunting thoughts I had a year ago. I thought the other night about the idea of “circling back” to the same concerns, the same thoughts, the same challenges. And I realized that yes, the more things change – or even, the more I say I will try to change them- the more they stay the same. Sweeping concerns and questions under the rug just doesn’t work. They’ll creep out eventually.

One more constant for me? The academic year. Every year in August I get so excited for the start of another year. For the students to be back on campus. To get things started! and every year I am overwhelmed by all I have to do in a short period of time.  No matter how many times I teach a class, I still need to update it. I still need to set up lectures. I still need to think about these things. And I love it. I love the rhythm of it, the frantic energy, and then finally getting to the first day of class and realizing it’s all going to be okay.

I love constancy… but I also love change within those persistent elements and relationships of life. What will come next? Who knows… I guess it’s time to see where the roads diverge and lead…