From seeking…to rising

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. 
Epicetus

So, am I allowed to change my word for the year? because everything in my life is now pointing to RISE… and less to SEEK.

The catalyst was last night, when I received a package from Barnes and Noble. I don’t order from B&N. It’s not that I don’t shop in their stores; I think I even have an account. But I could not remember ordering something – and since I never (or rarely) do, then I kind of figured I would remember it.

And there, in the package, was a book from one of my mentors and guides on this journey of life.

It is titled The Rise, and it is authored by Sarah Lewis. The subtitle? Creativity, the Gift of Failure, and the Search for Mastery. 

The gift of failure. I can’t tell you how that phrase spoke to me. In the last 3 years – since I left my first University position for one that was, quite frankly, a huge mistake, I have felt like a failure. I felt like I completely betrayed my values, my family, my goals, and my vision for my life. I felt as though I had failed in that first position, so I jumped rather than trying to figure out how to make it better – how to make it work for me.

And then I failed again.

And again when I took another job that wasn’t right for me.

I spent so much time denying who I was, and what I love, that I failed over and over and over again.

And then I realized, in the last 6 months, that I needed to have those failures, that I needed to go through those unimportant-to-everyone-else-but-important-to-me changes, crises, and shifts, to get where I am today.

And I am in the right place. At the right time. Doing the right things. I have affirmation of that every single day. Both within me – in the deepening sense of contentment that I am in the right place at the right time – and from others, who are immensely supportive of and enthusiastic about what I am doing.

I am rising.
I am strong.
I am taking back my life.
Moving forward.

So while I am still seeking, I’d like to think that for now – for this year, 2019 – I am rising.
I am rising from those failures, and moving on.

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