Self-compassion

I wasn’t going to write today, but then Jamie Varon (https://www.jamievaron.com/) sent out one of her fabulous Friday letters that I read this morning (yes, Saturday morning) and it had this gem in it:

“Why do I still have to justify being tired or needing a break by recounting how much I’ve done in the past week, two weeks, month? Even though I know the restorative power of rest, why is it still so difficult to recognize when enough is enough for me?”

followed by this: 
“The part of caring for myself that has continually been difficult for me is admitting that I have limits. That I am human.”
I think she was in my brain. No, seriously. I  have Steph to thank for making me aware of Jamie’s writing, and I am ever grateful. Her Friday letters speak to me so clearly, and most weeks, I completely agree with what she writes. 
This week was no exception. 
Simply put, I suck at taking time for myself. I must be busy busy busy busy… and if I stop, it’s only because I am sick, exhausted, or recovering from something like, you know, a colonoscopy. (Fun!) 
Regularly resting because it’s healthy? Ha. As if. 
Taking time for myself because I need that to be my best self? Not so much. 
I know that it’s a combination of my personality and my job… and I truly love my job, so that’s not going to change. But I am working so hard on remembering to step away, to step back, to rest. Regularly. I cannot be productive and succeed the way I want to if I am completely burned out. I need to rest my body and brain. But oh, it is so hard. And I’ve hit the wall in the past, and it hasn’t been pretty, but I still have not learned. 
I am still trying, though. Not necessarily succeeding, mind you, but I’m trying. 
I am human. I can only do so much. I need to breathe. I need to take breaks. That doesn’t make me less than, it makes me a person. 

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