You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.
Wow. This week has been unbelievably difficult. I’m so glad I finally made it to Thursday, although there were times yesterday when that was in question. I did not stop from 7:30 (really, 6 am) until 4:30. I was completely fried at the end of the day, questioning my career path, my knowledge, and who I’ve become professionally. It was the kind of day that completely destroys your self-esteem, your confidence in yourself and your ability to stand up for yourself.
Most embarrassing, I dumped on several colleagues who I respect highly, whose opinions I value, and I worry that dumping on them may have diminished me in some way in their eyes. I am on a grant deadline, it’s not quite coming together the way I want it to, and it’s just…frustrating. So. Damn. Frustrating. I need to email them and apologize for dumping on them, but… who knows how they’ll receive that. Still, it’s what I feel like I need to do.
I know what I want to say – I know what I need to say – but my words have been muddied by too much input from others. I need to reclaim what I plan to do – to own it, to hone down my writing to the key points that I need to make. I know I need to do this – it’s just the doing that’s hard.
Fortunately, I got some sleep last night. I disconnected for a while. And I’m ready to get back to it today. Here’s to a better day.