Dread Revisited

So, remember when I wrote about Dread?
Yeah, we’re back there again.

I am getting ready to submit this damn proposal. It’s something I need and want to do – but it is such a challenging and vulnerable process.

Yes, I said vulnerable.
I have drunk the Kool Aid, and yes, I am a Brene Brown devotee.

I know I need to be vulnerable with this, but it is so hard sometimes, putting myself out there for criticism, time and time again. I know that it makes me stronger, it makes my science better, and it (usually) turns out better than anticipated.

But oh, it is still so hard. I live in fear that I will send something out for review and that the feedback I receive will boil down to “This is a hot mess” or, “Why on earth did you think that you could do this and succeed?”

Sigh.

It’s hard. It’s tiring. And it really does a number on your self-esteem and self-worth, if you let it.

So I am trying to remind myself that with vulnerability comes growth. And growth and change are absolutely vital to my success as a scholar.

Here’s hoping that the proposal is not viewed as a hot mess. I’ll just go for constructive feedback at this point.

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