Calm… and hope

OK, that’s not the most informative blog post title, but… it’s (mostly) what I am feeling as this week draws to a close. The post from earlier this week definitely reflected my state of mind at that time… but it’s always fascinating to me how things can turn on a dime, shifting my frustration and stress and, well, overall angst to a more positive outlook.

Sometimes, the Universe delivers. And when it does, I feel compelled to say thank you. Plus, I feel like my blog has devolved into a whine-fest, and I don’t want it to be that way. Being here, interacting with those of you who still come by, and getting out of my work-brain for a few minutes, at least, helps to feed my soul. And that is a good thing.

What helped? Well, for starters, having a meeting on Tuesday that alleviated a ton of the work-related stress. It was budget related (no further details required, I suspect) and I had managed to talk myself onto a ledge, imagining the worst. Turns out my “worst” was a bit of an overreaction (shocking… or not… :>), and I found out that things are probably going to be okay. There is still a chance that things could go south, but it’s much smaller than I had anticipated.

Then, I took control of my schedule on Wednesday and backed out of a previous commitment. I don’t do this often, but when I do, there is a reason. And hopefully a good one. The result? Wednesday reassured me that all was not lost, that I am making progress (sort of) both physically and mentally, and that I can still do my job. And do it (mostly) well. To have that kind of day led to a 180 in my mental state, and as a result, my physical state.

Yesterday (Thursday) was what finally catapulted me out of the self-pitying doldrums where I found myself earlier this week. I “had” to go in to work to present to a new group of students who will be working with faculty on research projects and grants. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. I got to see three of my favorite people in one place for the first time in, well, years. I got to give a fun and mostly ad-libbed presentation with one of those favorite people, on one of my favorite nerdy topics (um, literature searches and the library… told you it was nerdy!). I got to answer questions from engaged students, and make them laugh.

And I got an unexpected – completely unexpected – raise.

That last point isn’t THE point. The big thing that reminded me of why I do what I do was the presentation to the students. But, on the same day, I was also reminded that the school has invested in me, and that they see me as a “good” investment. It’s a large enough raise to improve my savings cushion more than anticipated. And that relieves some of the financial stress I’ve felt for the last year, as I’ve shifted from being a member of a dual-earner-no-kids couple, to being a middle-aged single divorced woman, with one income. I didn’t realize quite how stressful that had been until a bit of it lifted.

It was huge.

I did get some slightly stressful news later in the day but I am holding out hope that things will turn out in a positive way, and that my worrying and fretting will have been for naught.

For now? I’m going to seize the moment, and enjoy the shift to positive thinking, forward movement in my career, and thinking about bringing a tiny bit of fun into my weekend. (More on that, I hope, in a soon-to-come post…)

So thank you for being here. For being such wonderful supporters, even though I haven’t met any of you in person. For being who you are, and sharing your lives, too, which helps to remind me that my world is not the only world. That there are others out there facing their own challenges, and doing it with smiles on their faces. Just, thank you. <3

Leaving you with this, which just spoke to me today…

When I was young, I believed that life might unfold in an orderly way, according to my hopes and expectations. But now I understand that the Way winds like a river, always changing, ever onward.. My journeys revealed that the Way itself creates the warrior; that every path leads to peace, every choice to wisdom. And that life has always been, and will always be, arising in Mystery.

Socrates

18 thoughts on “Calm… and hope

    1. Thanks so much, Nicole. I think the unexpected nature gave it even more of an impact. I try to fly very very far below the radar, so getting this kind of recognition came out of the blue, to say the least. Now to live up to their investment in me! (No pressure, no… ;>)

    1. I thought it was a good one, too – it just jumped out at me from the jumble of quotes I have saved. I figured that meant it was supposed to be there. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much! It was so unexpected, as I said, and that made the impact even greater! Now, though, I have to deliver! (No pressure or anything, ha!)

  1. I’m so glad things are looking up and please NEVER apologize for “whining” (which you don’t, by the way – you’ve had a lot of really, really tough things going on and you are just sharing how things are going and that is NOT whining, that is telling the truth!).

    1. Thank you, Elisabeth. I just really dislike it when I complain without thinking of all that is going well… but you’re right. I also need to be true to what I am thinking and feeling! And it’s been a rough summer (though not nearly as difficult as yours, with the travel and construction and guests and…), but now its definitely looking up. 🙂

    1. That’s EXACTLY it. I do my work, and I work hard, but I try very hard to stay out of the spotlight. I’m just not a spotlight kind of person – more of a stand-against-the-wall type (ha) – so to get that unexpected recognition means so much.

  2. A raise! How wonderful! I remember that feeling of getting a raise that would alleviate some of the pressure I felt on my finances as a single woman on my own, and it was such an incredible feeling.

    I’m so glad things are starting to look up. Please know that you are allowed to show up in whatever way you need to show up here. We want to hear about your life: the good and the bad! But I do very much hope more GOOD is coming your way. <3

    1. I knew you’d get it, as a single person. It’s not a huge cushion, but more along the lines of “letting me exhale a bit more”. I’m hoping that it’s the start of a cascade of good things!

      And you’re right about showing up here as my authentic self. That’s so important to me, but I do dislike feeling like all I do is complain. That said, it hasn’t been the easiest summer, and that’s the truth. So that’s what I’ve been writing about. And I am so lucky to have people like you, who get it, and who are here in good and in not-so-great, to support me. (Who knew that virtual support would mean so much?) <3

    1. Thanks! Me, too. 🙂 Sometimes it just takes one positive thing to set others in motion, I think. Here’s hoping this is that one positive thing!

  3. I am so excited to hear that there were some good things happening between this post and your previous post… some work-related stress disappeared, some standing up for yourself (by backing out of a commitment) and then, a raise! How absolutely wonderful, Anne! You deserved some good news!! I am so happy things are looking up for you.

    Also, please, never apologize for sharing your truth here. That is not whining. That is letting people in, to build relationships and support each other, even if only through the tangles of the www.

    1. The good things are definitely balancing out the challenges right now… although honestly I would almost give anything at this point if someone could just fit another hour or two into the day. I’m even actively trying to build some good into my life, which is a new thing for me. Usually I am not one to take the initiative, but I realized that if I sit back and wait, well, I might be waiting for a long time! And yes, you’re right about sharing my truth. Even though there are still things that we all keep to ourselves, having this outlet on the tangles of the www (love that phrase!) is so vital to me right now. Community – even, or perhaps especially, digital community – goes such a long way to helping us feel like we belong in this crazy world. I’m glad you’re a part of mine. <3

  4. I haven’t been in your comment form for ages! But I’ve read all your posts. The summer has been insanely busy but in good ways, and the autumn will be the same, although less insane. 🙂
    I’m delighted to see the positive tone in this post! Stress can be such a burden, and when you say you’re taking control of some of your work situation, it makes me happy. And of course it also makes me happy that you’ve had some good experiences of appreciation at work! So important. I hope you can continue with these positive vibes!

    1. Definitely trying to focus on the positive and, well, not eliminate the less-than-positive, but at least keep it in perspective? I tend to fret and blow things out of proportion, particularly when it comes to work, and trying to shift my mindset on that is a challenge but it really is something I need to do!
      I know you’ve been completely bonkers this summer, and hope to catch up on your NEW blog soon. So glad you are still coming by when you can – I value your insights and your perspective. <3

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