So, my post on clutter and trying to rid myself of it didn’t come out of the blue.
Kim had a comment on that post that nailed it: I have people who love me, whose love language is gifts. Of things, not experiences. My parents are wonderful people. Their love language is gifts. And they look for any opportunity to send me something that they think would be helpful, or fun, or useful. I love them for this, I really do. But it means that things will randomly show up in the package room from them without any warning.
Recent packages have included… unbelievably warm fleece lined leggings (that I will probably wear in January when it’s positively frigid out there), paintings (more on that to come), and now… a one-cup coffee maker.
The thing is, these 3 gifts are all useful. But, did I need them right now? Not necessarily. The leggings are nice but not necessary. The paintings could have stayed put until I did another trip out East. And the coffee maker, well I’ve been using instant and it’s been fine. So every time this happens, I go into a “I have too much stuff!” spiral. And then I feel guilty. They are showing me they love me. They absolutely love giving me things. It brings them joy.
I am trying to shift my mindset from “too much stuff” to “this is stuff I can use, and I will find a way to use it and make it work in my life. (And also store it. :>)”
What about you? Are gifts your love language (they are most definitely not mine)? Do people in your life give you gifts that are nice but not necessary?
Gifts are my love language. I love giving a good gift! But! It’s also important to me that a gift be something useful to someone. If you’d rather have experiences than things, I would make that work. If someone would rather have a choice instead of a gift, I can make that work. Being a good gift giver is about making sure the receiver is absolutely delighted.
(Also, I just wore fleece-lined tights earlier this week, so it’s not too early to bust them out.)
Oh, the fleece lined leggings came out today. Not messing around, here.
And I love your approach to gifts – what does this person want? (Not, what do I want to give them?) My parents are pretty good about that part – it’s the surprise part that always catches me off guard!
Well you know my answer about people giving me things that are nice but not necessary. 😉 Words of affirmation is my love language 😀
I totally get the spiral. My rock painting friends are so kind and send me packages but I get really anxious opening them and wondering what’s inside and if it’s stuff I will even use. That sounds horrible but I know you get what I mean. I am absolutely touched they thought of me and sent me something. I just have my own issues with “things.”
I have to take that quiz again to figure out what mine is. I think it’s words of affirmation but I’m not sure. Ha.
That’s exactly it – I love that they are thinking of me and that they want to make me smile… but the unexpected nature of the gifts is challenging for me as a, well, control freak. Might as well admit it!
My love language is Acts of Service – 100%.
I can feel loved by gifts, for sure. Especially when I realize someone has bought something I needed which, in a way, feels like an Act of Service – haha.
Oh, that’s interesting! I definitely have to take the quiz again and figure mine out. And I love how you connect gifts that are things you want and need to acts of service. It makes a lot of sense! They give it to you, and you don’t have to hunt it down and buy it. 🙂
Gifts are not my love language but food presents are… I like things I can eat / use. I have started to be ruthless with giving away gifts – just because someone gave me (or my kids) something doesn’t mean I need to keep it. We got a really expensive hamper of baby clothes and food and skincare things as a present recently and I gave it all to charity because we didn’t need it now. I appreciated the thought and sent a thank you card but I wasn’t going to help anyone by holding onto things I didn’t need.
I love this approach, Rachel. Appreciating the thought, thanking the giver, and then ensuring that someone receives the gift who can use it. This is probably the key for me – recognizing when I receive a gift that *I don’t have to keep it*. That doesn’t mean I don’t love the person who sent it to me, by any means.
People in my life do not typically give me gifts. Coach and I do not exchange gifts very often. We sort of agree to that, although last year he bought me an air fryer. Guess who uses it more? I do not feel like giving gifts is my love language. Baking – yep. I guess you could say giving people food that I’ve prepared is my love language along with helping them get things to work out. Need a ride? Need a shirt for an interview? Need laundry done and you forgot? I’m your woman.
Oh, but you are giving gifts of your time, energy, and talents, Ernie, and those can be so valuable to people who need your help. You are someone who knows how to solve problems and help people along the way. The world needs more people like that. <3
Gifts are definitely my love language. I love thinking about what gift will best suit a certain person. I am mindful of the fact that most people have a lot of stuff, though, so I try to stick mainly with books (can be read and then passed on if you don’t want to keep it) and then consumables – food, drink, soap, shower stuff etc. I love getting fancy soap that I wouldn’t buy myself. With whatever I reduce in spending I try to put it towards people who don’t have enough stuff.
Consumables and usable gifts (that align with what the recipient wants/needs) are the best. The little coffee maker my parents got me is actually quite nice – and even better now that I have figured out the proper ratio of coffee! It does take longer than instant, but um, the coffee is much better. 🙂
Words of Affirmation are my love language. I like receiving gifts, though. I do love when someone buys me something because they thought of me. That feels really good! But that’s not how I show love and I don’t think I’m great at GIVING gifts (which is why I’m glad my family does Christmas lists), so I find it intimidating to try to give it back just as good as people are giving it to me, if that makes sense.
I completely get this, Stephany. When someone just *knows* you and gets you something that you will love, it’s such a lovely feeling. For me, though, that happens pretty rarely. Does it make sense that I’d rather have nothing than a gift that isn’t anywhere close to perfect for me? And yes, I am terrible at giving gifts, too. I don’t have that innate ability to recognize when something is perfect for someone else. So avoiding the whole process seems to be the best option. 😉
Gifts are not my first love language but I do love to give (and get) gifts – if they’re thoughtful. I don’t like gifts that are just “anything” just to give somebody something. I am trying to think what would delight the receiver and also think about the things I absolutely love that I think someone else might appreciate.
I think you got some nice thoughtful gifts, and maybe the coffeemaker will make a more tasty cup of coffee that you’ll come to appreciate 🙂
I love how thoughtful you are with gift-giving, San. And I do think my parents take the same approach – they also love surprising me, and the combo does make me love them even more (even with the unexpected packages!).
(I am having some of that coffee now, and I can attest that it is, in fact, quite tasty. :>)