OK, I could have sworn that I wrote a post about this word before but… I haven’t. At least not that I can find using the search function (and it’s not like I have written that many posts!).

I love this word. I learned of it last year, when Holstee wrote about the word in one of their reflection emails. It really resonated with me, and I think it does for a lot of people who learn of its definition, particularly in today’s world, when you may feel alone on a crowded bus or street.

So what does Sonder mean?

Another site has a longer definition, which I like even more: …the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

It reminds me that everyone is living their own life – completely unaware of my life – and that I have no idea what is going on in theirs. It’s one reason why I have tried harder as I’ve gotten older to just be kind. To never assume that someone has bad intentions or is intentionally trying to hurt me.

Just to be clear, this doesn’t extend to people I know better, who have shown their true colors, and who I know may not have my best interests at heart (to put it mildly).

But strangers at the grocery store? on the bus? I just cannot imagine that they have “ruining Anne’s day” at the top of their list. They have no idea who I am – they are caught up in their own lives … and since I have no idea what is going on in those lives, who am I to judge?

I wonder if anyone has made “sonder” into a verb? “Sondering” sits better with me – realizing (or, perhaps recognizing?) that everyone is living a life as vivid and complex as mine… and that I will likely never know what happens next in the epic stories of their lives.

Why assume the bad, when it’s just as easy to assume the good?

So, I kind of stink at meditating. That whole empty your mind thing, or even the alternative of noticing my thoughts and letting them go, is really hard for me. I want to write my to do list, my grocery list, get started on what I need to do. But I try to take some space for me every day – whether it is quiet breathing, writing here, or journaling in my regular journal or commonplace book (where I keep my quote collection). And that helps. It helps me know that I’m not ALL about work. That there are other things for me to focus on, and to remember.

But sometimes? It’s just so hard to take that time – even if it’s only 20 minutes. And then I have to remind myself that when I do NOT take that time? Those days are inevitably even more chaotic and disruptive than I thought they might be.

So I take the time. I listen to music I like (which I then turn off when I get down to the work-work of the day). And then I focus, knowing that I am slightly better for those 20 minutes of me-time.

You wanna fly, you got to give up the thing that weighs you down.
~Toni Morrison

So, I haven’t really bought into the whole Marie Kondo thing – you know, giving away or otherwise divesting yourself of things that do not bring you joy. And yet, more and more, I find myself implementing at least parts of the process (or, quite honestly, what I’ve read about the process… which does not include, um, the book itself…).

For the last couple of years, I have tried to get rid of more than I bring in. I have donated countless items of clothing, linens (towels, sheets, etc.), kitchen items (nearly a whole set of pots and pans that I simply was not using), and so on. I’ve taken so many books to the half price bookstore – where sometimes I get a few dollars for bringing them, but it’s really more about getting them out of my apartment.

This weekend, I sold my digital piano. 

There are a few bloggers I follow who post what they love / are grateful for on Fridays. And I always think, what a lovely way to look back on the week and seek out the good. So I’m going to try it today… trying to go into the day with a good attitude (despite the potential for a really, really long meeting this afternoon… :>)

• Wearing jeans to work. I love academia. 
• And sneakers. 
• Getting a guest presentation outlined yesterday that had been bugging me for weeks. 
• AND getting a conference presentation outlined, too… I also put more into that (in terms of content) than originally intended, so that’s a double win. 
• Sunshine. We’ve had more this week than I think we had in all of January. 
• A good run this morning. I love feeling good on a run (because really, who wouldn’t?) and it’s such an awesome way to start the day. 
• Emails from my parents. 
• The ability to walk without pain. So underrated until you don’t have it anymore. 
• Dreaming about travel (Prince Edward Island, Ireland [next year – finally!!!], and many other dream places)
• And recipes I want to try (hey, it’s winter! And I finally found a willing taste tester – a college student who is an athlete. Perfect!)
• Getting to see my parents in March 💗

I am fabulous at fretting.

I actually looked up the definitions of the word, and it’s fascinating how its use in science is akin to its use in describing peoples’ actions or behaviors…

“to wear away or consume by gnawing” (dictionary.com)