…the ordinary, the common, the very drab…

June 10, 2019 by Anne Leave a comment

It was what I was born for —
to look, to listen,

to lose myself
inside this soft world —
to instruct myself
over and over

in joy,
and acclamation.
Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant —
but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.

~Excerpt from “Mindful”, by Mary Oliver

I read this over the weekend, and it really spoke to me. Especially the part about “…the ordinary, the common, the very drab, the daily presentations.” I know that I find a lot of joy in seeing new, and impressive sights. Despite my homebody tendencies, I love to travel and see new places – to be awed by sights that I may never see again.

But there is so much beauty in the everyday, too. So much to see in my daily life, in my commute, sitting on my couch and enjoying the blue skies (finally…) and wispy white clouds. The perfect tree that is on the golf course that backs up to my apartment building. The quirks of others I encounter in my travels and interactions – who may never know they made me smile. The guy on the bus who clearly has some difficulty with social interactions, but who waves goodbye to me each morning when I get off the bus, and who nods when I tell him to “Have a good day” as I do every morning I come into the office.

Finding that joy, reveling in the ordinary… what a simple thing to do, but it shifts my perspective and makes me realize that there is so much I take for granted. I’ll never abandon my travels, or seeking new places and new vistas. But life is really lived in those ordinary days, the ones that may seem mundane and boring when I’m in the midst of them… they are the ones that make up the true beauty of a life.

…don’t be too cautious

June 5, 2019 by Anne Leave a comment

There’s a saying that if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. At Apple, I learned that’s a total crock. You’ll work harder than you ever thought possible, but the tools will feel light in your hands. As you go out into the world, don’t waste time on problems that have been solved. Don’t get hung up on what other people say is practical. Instead, steer your ship into the choppy seas. Look for the rough spots, the problems that seem too big, the complexities that other people are content to work around. It’s in those places that you will find your purpose. It’s there that you can make your greatest contribution. Whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of being too cautious. Don’t assume that by staying put, the ground won’t move beneath your feet. The status quo simply won’t last. So get to work on building something better.
~Tim Cook

I love a good commencement speech, and every year I read the “best of”, because I am not graduating, nor do I like attending them (although I really should, given that whole “faculty role” thing…). But I love reading the excerpts of wisdom from others’ speeches, gleaning bits of insight that I can take into my own life.

This one resonated with me this morning. I’ve been feeling really down in the dumps about my opportunities for funding. It’s not that I am not applying – it’s all I’ve been doing. But rather, it’s that I can’t seem to make the case for why what I want to study is important.

This quote reminds me that just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. There’s a reason I am passionate about my science, about my work. There’s a reason that I keep on keepin’ on, even when the going gets rough and I just want to step off the path.

Remembering my “why”. Recognizing that not everyone is into this particular area of inquiry, but that it’s needed. That maybe I am the person to move it forward, at least in part.

I definitely need a day off soon… and am hoping to get that this weekend. The plans, of course, include a trip to a bookstore that looks just fabulous on paper / the web / the Facebook. I am hoping it lives up to the write ups and the reviews. It’s only an hour away – and oh, wouldn’t it be lovely to find a source of inspiration as well as maybe a book or two (or three…or more…)

Anyway – back to the quote. Today, I am going to remind myself that my purpose is in the complexities, the rough spots, the choppy seas. Success is not immediate. I have to put the work in. But there are reasons (oh, so many reasons) I am doing what I’m doing, and now is not the time to give up.

Onward.

Reset

June 4, 2019 by Anne Leave a comment

I need a reset after yesterday.

I don’t even have a quote…although this one seems particularly apt:

Image result for everything works better if you unplug

I just had A DAY yesterday. You know Those Days? the days when you get to the end, look back through the day, and think…well, I didn’t know what to think.

I had such high hopes…and then reality hit.

I got next to nothing done. My meetings were scheduled so that I couldn’t get back into deeper work in between. A family member got inconclusive medical information. I was just…annoyed. With myself, with the world, with life in general.

It culminated with a lovely temper tantrum when I got home, over (you’ll love this) the paper instructions in a new water bottle.

See, over the weekend I upgraded my water bottle – or, rather intended to upgrade it – by buying a glass bottle. This goes along with my goal of reducing my intake of Diet Coke. I got an iced tea maker (game changer!) and wanted to bring my own tea to work every day.

The full glass bottle weighed a ton. I nearly fell over when I picked up my backpack. So I decided to leave it AT work – you know, the bottle you take to meetings – and just get a new one that was lighter to transport the iced tea. So I swung into Target (the joys of living literally across the street from one) and picked one up. And then I got home and could not figure out how to get the (@#%* piece of paper out of it so I could wash it and, you know, use it. Oh, I tried everything. Fingers, tweezers, a straw from another water bottle, pliers, etc. etc. etc. Cursing the manufacturers, etc.

And then? Then I looked at the bottle. And the part that was hindering my ability to reach in to the bottle?

Yeah, it screws off.

Cue head banging on the wall (well, not really, but you get the meaning).

I realized, then, that I was completely and totally overreacting due to everything else in my life. Stress over my family member. Undiscussed (as yet, here) stress over my relationship. Additional work-related tensions (grant due, starting another one, feeling rather, well, fried at the moment). And I realized that it wasn’t the water bottle (duh, Anne) it was the everything else. I felt like a complete moron.

One positive thing, though – I at least realized it. Before, I would not have been as aware of my other stressors and would have missed the connection between all the Other Stuff and the Temper Tantrum of the Month.

I guess it’s progress? It also means that today is Reset Day.

I’m going to get into work now. I have 2 meetings, and they’re back to back at the end of my productive time in the morning, so that’s good timing. I don’t have a meeting this afternoon. Tomorrow is a busy one, and so is Thursday, so it’s good that I at least have a chance to reset. But man, I could have done without the histrionics on my part. I’m still learning, I guess. But aren’t we all?

Back to regularly scheduled programming (I hope) tomorrow.

Dude, I’m just weird

May 31, 2019 by Anne Leave a comment

“I’m fine with being strange, but I’m tired of people telling me I’m strange.” Carolyn Hax

So, I have some leftovers from my time out East, as I refer to it. (Despite growing up on the East Coast, I now consider myself a ‘naturalized Midwesterner’, as I feel more at home in the Upper Midwest than I ever have on the East Coast…) Anyway, I spent several years living in the Washington, D.C. area, and one legacy from that is my love of the Washington Post.

I’ve read Carolyn Hax’s column religiously for decades now, I think. She’s an advice columnist, and she also hosts weekly chats. I am always behind on reading them – much like with reading blogs – but this quote was in one from early April. It was in reply to a woman who was married, but she and her spouse were going to rent separate apartments because they realized that they were happier when they weren’t in the same space all. the. time.

And this was part of Carolyn’s reply (which, essentially, just said to do your thing and don’t worry about what others will think).

This is me in a nutshell. I know I am weird. I know I am different, in many ways. I’m good with that. What drives me bonkers is when people call it to my attention. What, you don’t think I know I am weird? I do. I’m good with it. But why do you have to call attention to it? The best concrete example I can come up with is the people who comment on my lunch. Every week, it seems, someone says something like “Oh, that looks interesting. What is it?” It’s tofu, and veggies, and hummus. And yes, I mix it together. And yes, I love it.

I also know it’s not typical. But it works for me, and I don’t need other people commenting on it.

The best one, though, was the woman who asked if my husband made it for me.

???

I was so taken aback, I just kind of laughed and said “Um, no. He doesn’t live here. I made it myself.” Which, I think, shocked her into silence.

But seriously. Just let me own my weirdness. I don’t need you to point it out.

…books are as important as almost anything else on earth.

May 30, 2019 by Anne Leave a comment

“For some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth. What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you. Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.”

― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

In a very simplistic way I was thinking of this last night, as my mind was spinning with work-related ideas, and I was trying to grasp them before they spun away into the ether and eluded me today during my writing time.

I knew that I needed to shut it down if I was going to be any good today – if I was going to make good use of those ideas that I had.

And so I escaped into a book.

A fluffy book, but one that I dove into and that took me away from my small apartment, quieted my mind, and reminded me to look up and out.

I spend a lot of time in introspection, thinking, reading. I don’t spend a lot of time looking up and out. Books are one way my mind travels, goes elsewhere.

As a child, I fell into books.

Or, as Rebecca Solnit more eloquently wrote, “…I disappeared into books when I was very young…” (from her essay Flight)

My childhood favorites are still my favorites. For the last … many years (I can remember at least 3 houses / apartments, so that means it’s been at least 5 years), I have been doing a sustained rereading of my childhood favorites. CS Lewis, Anne of Green Gables, The Dark is Rising, Harry Potter (of course), the Wrinkle in Time trilogy. I hope to move on to the Golden Compass next. Right now, I’m working through the Austin novels by Madeline L’Engle, as it’s her 100th birthday this year.

Every evening, I am reminded of how deeply I can fall into one of those books, or one of countless others.

I feel almost sorry for those who don’t have this escape hatch. My spouse is one. He’s not a reader – he’s a scroller and TV watcher. It’s just not the same. I cannot lose myself in the internet, nor can I lose myself in a show or movie. I know others can, but I cannot.

Reading is essential to me… like water, like air. To me, they are a miracle.