Being me…

… So how do THOSE all fit together?

I get these “emails from the Universe” every weekday. Some days they’re pretty out there, yet other days, the brief statements just, well, speak to me.

Monday’s was one of the ones that spoke to me:

There are so many things you don’t know. Things, quite frankly, that you can’t know. About the magic, the unseen, and the miraculous logistics that can so swiftly change a life. It’s enough to daunt even the hardiest of souls. But, then again, one needn’t learn the mysteries of the wind, to sail effortlessly around the world, either.

That last part (…one needn’t learn the mysteries of the wind, to sail effortlessly around the world, either) made me sit up and take notice. 
Sometimes, it’s not about pursuing the same path. 
Sometimes, it’s about jumping, and knowing (and hoping) the path will appear. 
Dogged determination and persistence are all well and good, but, well, sometimes you just have to trust that a change in direction is the right choice. 
This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. Of course. 
And yet, I’m closer than I have been. 
Finding MY true North… what an idea! 
I also follow 2 bloggers who alluded to this idea in posts recently. 
Katie, at Talk Less Say More wrote a wonderful post a few weeks ago (I’m chronically behind on blog reading…) that “Not everyone is going to resonate with your message, vibe with your energy, understand your humor, see your heart, believe in your mission, or want to stand by your side… YOU BE YOU. I’ll be over here BEING ME…” (http://www.talkless-saymore.com/that-moment-when-you-need-to-take-back-your-power/
And then Lindsay, from Bourbon, Lipstick, and Stilettos, posted about Enjoying the Simpler things. One of the paragraphs really stood out to me: “My hope for you is that you’re able to enjoy the simple things. That you make time for you. That you’re able to enjoy reading or writing or creating. That you’re able to enjoy those you love. That you can get out of bed and enjoy a beautiful, warm spring day. That you’re not accepting nonsense. That you say no to shit that doesn’t serve you. That you feel free from pressure and sadness. That you feel happy. That you feel free.” (http://bourbonlipstickandstilettos.com/2019/03/enjoying-the-simple-things-a-challenge/)
What a concept! Not hurting others, or neglecting them, obviously, but finding what feeds YOUR soul. What makes YOU happy. And, as Katie said, remembering that is not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. 
Being comfortable with being me. I like it. 

Words of wisdom and insight from children’s literature…

I have a habit of rereading old favorites from childhood, and have been working through the series in more or less chronological order (according to when I first remember reading them). One of my absolute favorites is Susan Cooper’s The Dark is Rising sequence. I’m on the last book, and already mourning the loss of this world (until I read it again). Silver on the Tree describes the final rise of the Dark, and the Light trying to rid the world of it.

While I didn’t want to get in to politics, there are so many bits of text in this book that just… speak to me, in the current political climate here in the US. I will say that I am an unapologetic liberal, perhaps a bit extreme in my views for some, but firm in my beliefs and political leanings. If you can read between the lines there, you will see why these quotes have spoken to me recently, as we grapple with the, well, dumpster fire that is the current presidency. (I tried, I really did, but really, that’s what it is to me…)

Here are a few that I have marked thus far… 

  • “…and for a time the world will seem to vanish beneath the shadow of the Dark. And emerge, and vanish again, and again emerge, as it has been done through all the length of what men call their history.” (Merriman, to Will)

Quite honestly, this one gives me a bit of hope that we will emerge from this era. Perhaps not unscathed, but changed, and (I hope) stronger in our determination to care for our fellow human beings.

  • “You know how many there are. You can’t convince them and you can’t kill ’em. You can only do your best in the opposite direction.” (Mr. Stanton, after encountering the racist dad)

A reminder, which I need most days, to put as much good and joy into the world as I possibly can… that small acts, accumulating over time, will “bend the arc” towards the good. Someday.

  • “All life is theatre. We are all actors, you and I , in a play which nobody wrote and which nobody will see. We have no audience but ourselves…” (Gwion)

Not as much on politics, but a reminder to myself to be true to me, to remember who I am in the midst of day to day nuttiness and seemingly endless reminders that I am not like everyone else.

  • “Why should some of the Riders of the Dark be dressed all in white and the rest all in black?…” …”Without colour… I don’t know. Maybe because the Dark can only reach people at extremes – blinded by their own shining ideas, or locked up in the darkness of their own heads.” (Bran and Will)

To better days, to light, and life, and love.

Small acts of kindness

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” 
― Dalai Lama XIV
“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” 
― Desmond Tutu
I was thinking about small acts of kindness on my way in to work today. 
The smiles shared by people on the early bus as the 3 year old with her busy mother chatters with her bus friends. 
The joy they get from bringing her small treats… toys from McDonald’s… and the gifts she gives them in return… drawings and “letters” and love. 
It takes so little to be kind. 
And then I got here, to the office, and there was a small bag from one of my students hanging on the door handle, with a couple of cookies, just because, and a card. 
I’ve had students randomly send me thank you cards. 
And random thank you emails. 
And it just makes my day. 
So I am trying, making an effort, to be kind. 
To say “Have a good day” to the man on the bus who clearly has some challenges interacting with people. 
To disengage from my phone when I am checking out at a store, and saying a few words to the person helping me. 
To remember that everyone is fighting their own battles, I know nothing about them, and perhaps a bit of kindness will help them get through the day. 
It can be hard to remember when my view of someone is clouded by preconceptions, misconceptions, or dislike. But really? In the grand scheme of things, I don’t need to “win”. I just need to be kind. Share a little good. Put some light into the world. 
(Gosh, this is a pollyanna kind of week for me… I’m thinking it’s the start of spring and the hope of warmer weather. Perhaps I’ll be back to grumpy and curmudgeonly this weekend, when we’re supposed to have rain. Or maybe not. :>)

Spring, you are so welcome this year…

Why I Wake Early
by Mary Oliver
Hello, sun in my face.
Hello, you who make the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and crotchety–
best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light–
good morning, good morning, good morning.
Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.
I try so hard to enjoy every season, but man, it has been hard to enjoy this winter. 
Polar vortexes. Ice. Snow. No handy – and much anticipated – February thaw. 
Challenges with travel, driving, seeing my husband (one of the drawbacks to living 3 hours apart, separated primarily by rural roads…). 
I am so glad… SO glad… that it is now spring. 
I don’t care for daylight saving time – that’s not a popular opinion, I know, but when you are a super-early morning person, who sometimes in the summer is in bed while it’s still light out, having more light in the evening is pretty meh. 
I prefer my light in the morning. 
BUT this year? I will take it, thanks, and be happy. 
I don’t have to put on a whole additional layer of clothing before leaving the apartment. 
I hear birds singing every day. 
I can see the stars again. 
Appreciate every season for what it is? Absolutely. 
Welcome spring, its warmth, its mud, its rains? Absolutely. 
Turning my face to the sunshine, reveling in the (relative warmth), and anticipating what’s next. 
Time to start growing again… 

Ditching the worry…and shifting to the light.

The more we worry, the more worry becomes habitual…our repetitive concerns have the potential to become the soundtrack of our lives. Calm Challenge 2019 – Day 19 meditation – Tamara Levitt, Calm.com

Because it’s a funny thing about our ability to project the future. You have complete choice. You can see all life leading inevitably to darkness & despair as equally as you can pop up every morning ready to welcome everything as new adventure when it comes along. Brian Andreas, flyingedna.com

I am trying to shift to seeing the light, to welcome new adventures, to open myself up to new possibilities, and yet, I feel pulled back into the worries and the anxiety. It’s been home for so long…shifting that foundation is like moving a house. It’s something I’ve come back to time and time again. Trying to move beyond the constant worry and perseverating, and dwelling on things that I cannot change. Repeating others’ words in my head – even when they are one-offs and I can’t even remember who said them. The negative soundtrack in my head. The persistent belief that I am less than, not worthy, and that I should fade into the background and make myself invisible. 
And yet… it’s a process. A day at a time. A minute at a time. 
I can do this. 
I can do hard things. 
It takes time. 
It takes perseverance. 
But I am nothing if not stubborn – nothing if not determined.