I got completely overwhelmed yesterday with all I have to do in the next 3 months.
I looked at my to do list and could not fathom how it would all get done.
I panicked.
How can one person do all this? and yet, I still feel like I am not putting enough time in at work.
I still feel that what I am doing is “less than” so many other people are doing. That I do not measure up. I’m falling short and showing that I am less capable than others.
And then I try to remember just how much I have done. I try to talk myself out of the downward spiral.
But it’s hard. And it’s even harder when few people understand what you do, everyday, and why.
It’s harder when the person I am supposed to be closest to doesn’t support what I do. Doesn’t understand what I do. Doesn’t understand why I make the choices I make.
Which is making me think long and hard about the choices I am making in that relationship.
I guess the only place to start is at the beginning. What needs to be done first? And then next? And, if something doesn’t get done, what will happen? My job is certainly not anywhere close to important. People will not die if I do not check everything off my list. If something falls off the long list of to-dos.
But I’ll let myself down. I’ll let others down. And I really hate to do that.
So, trying to remember to breathe. To remember that these times come in our lives, and that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. (And hopefully, as my great-uncle used to say, it won’t be a train coming at me…)
I can only do so much.
I will do what I can, when I can. I will get it done. (I guess that means it’s time to get to work…)
